K-Pop has transformed so much. Back in the old days it was more about flashy outfits, untouchable beauty and prowess, confidence, everything a regular human being could ask for. Now, it’s become so relatable although the glamorous side is still there. Like artists are more open to express their vulnerability and they make it known that they experience the same issues that us regular people do. And yet we still put them in that high pedestal like they are so privileged, someone will deal with their problems for them, as long as they do what they are told to. It’s just so strange how we portray we understand and empathize with them but truth is we won’t. And we won’t ever. It’s as if the system was built to work like that. We ourselves distinguished ourselves from them that at the end of the day they could not help but feel alone in the big crowd.

Their stories translated into song pieces are clearly their call for help and, honestly being a fan, I really appreciate how they pour out parts of themselves for us as if to say “I feel the same. It’s okay you are feeling whatever that is you’re feeling right now. Not all days are sunshines and rainbows. It’s okay to embrace pain and sadness. No one understands you but I do.” To be honest, their songs were my company in solitude and that’s how I still have that respect for their craft all these years. They’re like best friend I’ve never had and it will continue this way for life. I’m sad I couldn’t do anything for her again this time around.

I could be mad at Hanbin for leaving just suddenly like this but then again there are many factors that could have led to this decision or it was just portrayed this way but, truth is, he was kicked out. I’m trying to rationalize these events in many ways. Initially, I thought ah, maybe he’s just being the selfless one in this mess trying to not affect in a bad way his members and just letting the truth come out once and for all. But, why, why is the situation just becoming sour and sour. And how in the hell will things be back to normal after such a great loss? Just how devastated could the other guys be right now? There’s no way they could be okay. I’m frustrated because I can’t do anything either but just wait for updates.

And it’s like I never learned from my past experiences of loss in other groups. With TVXQ and EXO, I should have gotten used to the truth being delayed until people just got over it. People would calm down and next thing we know it’s back to business as usual like nothing sneaky happened behind the scenes. And just like that, these money greedy companies just continue to thrive like they did not just crush all those years of dedication and hard work of their artist. You see, this world is so unfair. There are a bunch of heartless people who could still bring themselves to sleep after all evil they caused and not bat an eye to all those they victimized. And this vicious cycle will just go on ironically just because there are K-Pop fans who patronize the genre. It sucks, actually.

Of all people, I did not expect Hanbin would be the one YG would just drop in that fast of an instant and differentiating himself from what has become labeled as a crime when he himself obviously has conspired over crimes and, at the same time, cooperated in covering these up. Now I realize how he treated Hanbin just as an object, a money maker and not a human being. How dare he think so highly of himself and how is he not being interrogated yet? After all, where there’s smoke, there’s fire, right? Why are the authorities not moving an inch? Just how untouchable is YG?

And because of this, although I am highly wishing all these rumors of Hanbin actually buying those contrabands were false, I am preparing myself for worse news in the days to come now that YG will no longer be protecting him just like he does for that asshole Seungri. Of all the groups I ever liked, this has got to be the worst scandal. If anything, I just want all entertainment companies be audited of their practices. Not to blame it all on them but, the environment these artists live in also highly influences their actions. And in no way do I want to portray Hanbin as the ONLY victim here but I just find it sad that he had no other resort that time but drugs. Things must have been really hard for him and he didn’t want to burden his family or his friends. And he’s always been just like that since WIN, since Mix & Match. He’s just always kept to himself. And now, he has to be on his own again when all these years he’s just been genuinely passionate about his craft and exceeding previous releases just for his fans, and we can’t do anything for him.

I’m just so tired of all this mess. Waiting for truth that seems to be covered with so many layers and in the end does not reveal itself. I’m tired of living knowing people are suffering due to the actions/decisions of another. I’ve grown old with K-Pop and as years go by, the darker it all seems.

I’m just wishing all idols the best. I just hope they don’t forget why they pursued this career no matter how much evil surrounds them. I’m still hoping for that day to come when idols can be more free of expectations of them and just be genuinely happy with what they’re doing.

I’m taking this as objectively as possible... There is no way Hanbin, having expressed his will to do something bad, can be justified. Drugs are bad. Period. And even if he really did not do the deed, he still expressed his intention and that’s what’s bad. It’s bad just as it is bad for anyone no matter what state of life that person is in. And it is especially unacceptable for a public figure like him who’s looked up to by young people.

Hearing the news, I’m brought back to 2014 probably the most harrowing time of his and iKON’s trainee life. But during those times, when I too was in a dark time in my life, I saw so much hope. I saw that there was hope as long as one just works hard. And in no one else did I see more of this than in the person of Kim Hanbin. He’s been like one of my role models even if he’s 2 years younger than me.

It really just hit me that no matter how well you built your career, it can collapse in an instant just out of one, considerably, minimal mistake. Minimal, in Hanbin’s case as in, he has made several remarkable milestones not only for the group but for the entire music industry with his genius at such a young age in comparison to just this one decision he made for himself which, if anything, can only destroy him. At all, he was just so selfless as the leader of the group and wanted only the best and as we all have witnessed in the past took a toll on his health. Only he himself could tell to what extent his mental health has been compromised. He could have resorted in other ways but, too bad, he ran to the comfort of something not good although, thankfully, he did not proceed. For this reason, I am divided if I’m disappointed or want to sympathize with him.

A few hours after the news broke out, he announced his departure. Now, it will take time for that to sink in. Just how big a gap that would leave iKON for whom he has been the pillar all this time. Is there even a point to go on anymore? NO. And I’m worried what he’ll do after this chapter of his life when all he’s lived for is music and the stage. I’m sad how he has to let go of all that.