David Smiley Writes

they will never love you back. they will not give you the kind of love you want. they are not humans. they do not understand. you will weep blood and bleed tears and they will bare their pointed teeth and give you a smile. you will kill their enemies and your friends and when you stand in front of them with bloodied hands and hollow eyes they will smile with sharp lips and give you a kiss. you will carve your heart out and throw it at their feet and you will have nothing left to give. and you will never see them again. the love you hold for them is the kind that made you go mad. the love they hold for you is insubstantial, inconsequential.

they will never give you what you want. you come to ask for a cure. to see a wish granted. to prove your worth. they will take everything and leave you with nothing. you will give them all you have; what you wanted to sacrifice and what you never thought you could. because when you’re there, you will realize your wish is more important than anything you thought essential. nothing else matters: not your sweetheart, back at home, their heart is so easy to break; not your family, they never loved you like you deserve; not your life, you will get a new one, a better one, in exchange for this one. it’s all a lie, of course. you’ll know that, after; but only when it’s too late, when you’re abandoned, broken, forsaken, with no one to turn to, because you’ve destroyed everything you had. you won’t get your wish, of course.

they will never keep their word. you want to strike a bargain. the rules are clear; you are sure of it. all those stories do not apply to you, you are clever, you won’t be tricked. of course, the bargain you strike isn’t the one you think. their words are like thorns, like vines, like poison, twisting in your mind until they become unrecognizable. what they say is different from what you hear; but it’s their word that holds weight, not yours. they’re the ones who can’t lie, not you. they can lie, of course. they can lie better than you ever will. it’s in their nature; it flows with their blood; it spills with their tears. lies are woven deep in the roots of the forests they live in, they float in the air, poison the food you’ll eat. everything is a lie in Faerie; that is the only truth. they’ll keep their word, of course. but the word they give you isn’t what you think.

some things you should know while making a bargain with the fae

lace your clothes with iron, smear your hair with ash, sprinkle your lips with salt. the iron, the ash, the salt, they will not protect you; but better for them to think you have come prepared, better for them to think you dangerous. there is so little danger in Faerie for the fae, and they love a conundrum. if they think you’re a challenge, they’ll keep you alive longer, at least until they figure out how to break you.

speak as little as you can, because everything you say will be used against you. don’t smile; they will think it a threat. don’t weep; they are disgusted by weakness. never, never, never bleed; once they have your blood, you are lost, lost forever.

don’t listen to the voices. the voices, yes, the whispers that call out from between the trees, from the night sky, from the deep, deep, black ponds. don’t look up, or down, and don’t look back; keep your eyes fixed straight ahead, because the fae you’re striking a bargain with isn’t safe, but they’re safer than anything else.

your best chance is to listen and then run for your life the second they are distracted; because yes, they will be distracted: there are so many things in Faerie more interesting than a measly human like you. but you won’t run, i know. you are here for a reason, and you won’t leave until you get what you want. 

don’t be tricked by Faerie’s beauty. the world the fae live in is pure wonder, and it will seep into your mind and set roots there, poisoning it until you can’t think of anything else. but it is a beauty like a sharp dagger, like the wind on a cliff—it won’t hesitate to pierce your heart, to push you under.

don’t trust anything they say. they can see your deepest wishes, the ones you’re hiding at the bottom of your heart; but never trust them when they say they will offer you company when you’re lonely, because they will throw you into a nest of snakes. never accept when they offer to cure your sick relative, because for them, mortality is a sickness in itself. never let them heal your wounds, because you won’t survive the treatment. if they offer you anything for free, it’s a trap. if they offer you a bargain, it’s a trap.

some things you should know after you’ve made a bargain with the fae

you’re doomed. now you can dance, and smile, and weep, and enjoy yourself; kiss that pixie with the green hair, swim in the cursed waters of the moonlit lake, offer a flower to the elf who’s looking at you with sad eyes. you can jump down from the highest branches and trust that they will catch you; a swift death is a mercy you won’t be granted. you’re their newest plaything, so enjoy it while it lasts. because after they’re finished with you, you won’t really be able to enjoy anything else ever again.

you can’t escape. run, if you’re brave enough, if you’re smart enough to have come to your senses, even if it’s too late. run, if you want, it won’t change anything, but maybe you’ll anger them enough to quicken your demise. a quick, painless death is still out of your reach, but fine, run, if you wish to cut your stay in Faerie short. they’ll get bored of you more easily; a human who isn’t charmed isn’t as entertaining. so run, brave little human, dash between the trees and pretend you can’t feel them coming for you.

Hamlet as a D&D paladin.

My God.

If ever there was a job that made you despair for humanity.

I learned two things there: 

1. People are petty-ass bitches who can’t stand to see their “neighbor on welfare” doing “better” than they are.

2. 99.9999% of the time there was no actual fraud, just a GROSS lack of knowledge as to how the welfare system actually works on the part of both non-recipients.

Example: Had some guy report his neighbor for owning an “expensive antique car”. Said car was a 1978 Buick with no remaining paint, no hubcaps, and was at least fifth-hand. At the time, the year was 2002. I politely explained that a) that’s not a classic car and b) he should pity his neighbor the gas mileage and insurance costs. The caller said he had not thought of that and hung up.

My other favorite was someone calling to report that their “neighbor on welfare” who was a single mother with no income or support had her children in a “private school”. I asked what the name of the school was. Said private school is actually a charity-run orphanage and school for children who have no parents, or whose family situation is less than stable. I informed the caller of this and they hung up without a word.

Someone else called and felt that their “neighbor on welfare” should have to sell all their jewelry, antiques, family heirlooms, and collection of vintage sports memorabilia before they could be eligible to be “given free money” by the state.

The system is old, overtaxed, convoluted, and being forced to function in a way that was never intended. Like the workhouses of the 19th c, welfare was originally for out of work men. But the people who wound up using it were women, children, the disabled, and the elderly. This continues to this day.

#SECRETPROJECT REVEALED! I am proud to finally announce what #SecretProject is and answer some questions you no doubt have about this!

I haven’t been very active on here lately, but behind the scenes, I’ve been working on something really cool! 

Today I’m going to launch the test version of a QUERY GENERATOR website! 

I’ve noticed, doing some query critiques here and in workshops with friends, that a lot of first-attempts at queries are missing some fundamental story elements: protagonist ages, word counts, inciting incidents, setting, etc. No matter how well written they were, they weren’t fulfilling all of the functions required by query letters. 

I have my Writing the Perfect Query Letter post, but as I was helping a friend rewrite her query, I realized that some elements were just so formulaic, that there had to be a way to just… make a query generating form. 

So I decided to build, basically, a Query Ad-Libs. You fill out a form that asks for your story elements, giving you examples and explanations to help you along the way. Once it has the information, it puts everything together, and hands it back to you in a standard query layout. 

It won’t be well-written, but it’ll be a starting point for you to take back to your Word Doc and hopefully make something amazing with. 

With the help (and many, many dedicated hours) of a programming smartypants, we’ve got it done! We should be able to launch the website today, but before we do, I want to gauge interest from my follows here!