🌻

best one yet

what’s the punchline here

wait

Absolutely off the shits

The doctor I went to last week was looking over my history and he said “Endometriosis?” and I said yes. And he said “Is that just your speculation or have you actually been diagnosed?” and I was like “I have been cut open three times for it so I hope it isn’t just speculation.” and he just looked at me and said “Females tend to diagnose themselves” and without missing a beat I said “Well I hope you do your job so I don’t have to.” 

FUCK

holy shit i have the best idea

my line of logic was “well if i put the sponge in the blender, when i turn it on the sponge will spin around and scrub the blender for me so i dont have to spend ages cleaning it”

thats not what happened though :•(

my sense of humor: getting birthday cards with the wildly incorrect age on it for people

Jake is such a mood

It’s like they’re in a sitcom.