Spacebabies 2017

i miss it so bad but i also dont miss what the fuck it did to me at all <3

straight up forgot i had ocd while i was still a junky cause i was too dopey to go very deep in the irrational thinking spirals. still worried about manic episodes making a comeback

i miss being immune to it but i can self regulate but god it was so easy when i just didnt have to think

the cravings are a bit easier to manage now (for the moment i can just replace w alcohol which is not great either but im too old to keep up w an alcoholic lifestyle anymore lol its not like im having more than 2 binges in a week) (i need to look for a better solution than this cause it can become a huge problem if i let it run wild)

i have to keep remembering that its probably better to suffer as myself than to be a blissed out tornado ripping through my own life like its worth nothing because its really hard to admit it but my life is worth a lot. i need to treat myself with some dignity for the first time in my life even if it hurts right now.

but im starting to get really worried that the reason i didnt really have any big manic episodes for a couple years (i had small minor ones that lasted very small amounts of time) is because i was so doped up