fight me, but only a little bit

and it's taken like five years but now I'm like 5 lbs away from where I was when things started hitting worse and it's great

but I don't feel like I lost any of it? like I pull on my jeans and need to wear a belt but i've always had to, and I've always needed a smaller backline for things. I look in the mirror and I look the same and it's like well I know self hatred for weight bad but now its like okay but where can I find the happy about being the ideal weight? honestly its all in wearing the oxford t shirt i bought when i was a tourist at like 17 again but that's just bc I did get to study there and it's an academic achievement

ive felt so desperate to lose weight for years and now I've done it and it's like bitch why doesn't it feel better

when I was in oxford the food was shit but they served it up so I couldnt just take little bits so I overate bc wasting food bad and I felt like shit but by the end I stopped and my friends helped me think its okay dont force yourself to eat

I wish it all gave me more energy and stuff but my Issues (TM) mean it's just a little surprising. And that my mom harasses me about it. Shes like why cant I lose weight like you and then eats a family sized bag of chips and literally does not stop eating. Which is linked to a thing where her stomach doesnt get rid of stuff but also why put that on me. I also dont like fried stuff bc am sensitive to oily flavors and guess what all fried stuff tastes like oil

and then she tries to guilt me over it? like she's eating so I should and how dare I not

like, I'm not that picky. I just dont like fried or stringy things. Dont touch me with celery or asparagus or a deep fry and I'll eat it. Sometimes bell peppers are so much bc thats the only vegetable my brothers and my dad would eat so Im tired of it. And ive been fighting my eating too fast to feel anything for a while so that helps