The Conlang Hobby Gone Awry

#11 – Wink of an Eye The Enterprise responds to a distress call, and Captain Kirk is spirited away by yet another half-clothed alien woman who desires to mate with him.  These aliens are too fast to be seen by the human eye, and their plan is to deep-freeze the ships males for future “use”.  Right.  Spock and McCoy, in unknown collaboration with super-fast-moving Kirk, must figure out what’s going on, synthesize an antidote, and rescue everyone!

Rating: 2

Highlights:

Nothing much here for Dr. McCoy except more of the winning Spock-McCoy tag team in the science lab.  Between the two of them, they create yet another miracle cure for…whatever it is.

Not McCoy related, but my favorite part of the episode is the alien woman’s comment to one of her people that she liked Kirk because he was “pretty.”

Tags: Spock-McCoy Tag Team, Cure-Find

#12 – The Empath This is my favorite episode from any season, though it’s admittedly quite simple and involves gratuitous hurt/comfort.  That being said, if there is a better Kirk-Spock-McCoy episode out there, I haven’t seen it.  Moreover, for once Dr. McCoy gets to be the hero, offering himself to be tortured in the place of his friends.  The near-death scene is devastating, but you’ll appreciate that the doctor holds true to his principles to protect life at all costs even to the very end.  Wholly great.

Rating: Strong 5 (an absolute must-see)

Highlights:

McCoy names the mute woman they come across “Gem” – a name indiscernible from “Jim” except when he slurs.  Spock attempts to mimic this, but doesn’t quite manage it.  :)

While all of the trio contribute their best attributes to Gem’s nature, it’s nice that McCoy’s compassion (rather than courage or intellect) makes the greatest impression.

Spock pulls rank.  Fortunately, being a medical man, McCoy knows just where to shove orders he finds unacceptable…

Stealthy hypo injections!

Sacrificial torture and its aftermath; Kirk’s reaction is especially wrenching, as is his angry, grieving denial of Spock’s explanation that McCoy is dying.  Spock himself responds by demonstrating “good bedside manner” in an exchange which, though mostly wordless, goes straight to the heart. ;_;

Radiant Moment: Though gravely injured, McCoy pushes away Gem’s attempts to heal him, refusing to risk her life.  His dazed words to Jim: “I can’t destroy life, even if it’s to save my own.”

Kirk and Spock plead with the aliens to heal McCoy, Spock going to far as to call the doctor his friend. Of course, they convince them and McCoy recovers.

Tags: Self-sacrifice, Landing-Party, Medic-McCoy, Physically Assaulted, Hurt/Comfort, Triumvirate, Hostile Aliens

#13 – Elaan of Troyius Two warring planets attempt peace-via-marriage, with the Enterprise acting as liaison. However, the bride is a warrior princess (no, not that one), and she is rude, violent, and furious with her situation. She also has poisonous tears that make men fall in love with her forever. Kirk gets infected. No surprise there.

Rating: 2

Highlights:

When describing a new aliens, Spock lists their qualities according to the science report. McCoy mentions their magnetic women.

Elaan tries to murder her groom’s ambassador. The doctor saves the man’s life, but then makes jokes about reluctant brides. Too soon, McCoy.

By now, Spock and McCoy must be used to walking in on Captain Kirk making out with alien women.

McCoy bounces onto the bridge, excited to report he has isolated the infection. Spock tells him that Kirk’s love for the Enterprise had “cured” him already. This makes McCoy mad, because he spend a lot of time on that cure, dammit!

Tags: Bridge-McCoy, Sickbay, Nurse Chapel, Medical Tunic, Pinky-Ring, Medic-McCoy, Cure-Find, Hostile Alien

#14 – Whom Gods Destroy Kirk and Spock deliver medication to a institutionalized planet where “the last criminally mental ill individuals in the galaxy” (there are only fifteen, apparently) are treated. They are immediately overtaken by one of these individuals and it seems like it will be the typical bid to commandeer the Enterprise. Not so, as it happens, for these are crazy people and they act as only crazy people can. Not much McCoy, but I was actually satisfied with this episode.

Rating: 1 (but definitely watch)

Highlights:

McCoy shows up on the bridge, looking handsome and dashing. He asks, “How can we be powerful enough to blow up a planet and yet still be so helpless?”

I was skeptical about this episode until the crazy exploded and “Lord” Garth began having temper tantrums, cavorting, and ranting.

Tags: Bridge-McCoy

#15 – Let That Be Your Last Battlefield The Enterprise picks up a refugee from a planet whose population is segregated according to the color of their skin. They show all the same prejudice as on earth, but the twist is that they are in all ways identical except that some have a face which is white on one side and black on the other, while the others are black-white. At times, a bit highhanded, but with not without value or interest.

Rating: 2 (one scene and two very brief appearances, in and out)

Highlights:

When McCoy admits that he can’t give an accurate prognosis due to his unfamiliarity with their alien visitor, Spock takes the opportunity to put in a jab about the doctor’s noxious potions. McCoy fluffs up like an outraged song bird and rattles off the therapeutic measures he’s administered very knowledgeably. Although I love their bantering, I honestly hate it when Spock scorns McCoy’s competence; you can tell it stings.

Not McCoy related, but you have to admire Kirk’s nerve when he challenges the aliens for control of his ship by gambling all their lives.

Spock is affronted by the aliens’ affront to logic.

Scotty's backstory

DeForest Kelley Still the Real McCoy. Star Trek Communicator

I'm going to try it.

Please, for the love of God, read Doctor's Orders by Diane Duane.

#50 – Doctor’s Orders by Diane Duane

My absolute favorite book.  The basic premise is that Captain Kirk decides to torment McCoy by leaving him in charge of the Enterprise while he goes down to a planet’s surface.  Unfortunately, he then disappears.  Then a Klingon ship shows up, and Dr. McCoy has to use his wits as a doctor and a psychologist – rather than as a commander – to keep them all alive until they can find the captain.

Rating: Strong 5

Highlights (some spoilers):

This book could have gone very south if the author had taken the typical route and had the “inexperienced commander” make any number of humiliating errors, all the while facing the scorn of the crew.  Refreshingly, some of the strongest elements of the story are that McCoy 1) realizes he’s in over his head and seeks guidance immediately, 2) reacts admirably, with all the ability that one would expect from a senior officer in Starfleet, 3) is still strikingly human and himself in the best possible ways, 4) HAS THE FULL SUPPORT OF THE BRIDGE (including, and perhaps especially, Spock), and 5) always acts as a doctor first, which makes his method of command surprising, fresh, and extremely entertaining.

The alien species in the novel are unusually convincing and well-contrived.  Dr. McCoy’s interaction with them is grin-worthy too; he pets one and calls it “son.”  The creature, whose name is unpronounceable, purrs and cuddles with him a bit.

One of the strong points of the novel is the keen insight the author lends to the Spock-McCoy relationship.  The doctor – whose esteem for his Vulcan comrade has only ever been very thinly veiled by his gruffness – really demonstrates his faith in Spock, while Spock himself is gracious and supportive, but in a way that is just as subtly presented as in the series itself.

McCoy HATES command; however, his lack of military training doesn’t stop him from using the skills he does have, as a psychologist, pragmatist, medic, and as an incredibly convincing liar.  It’s a surprisingly potent combination.

Uhura has to edit McCoy’s recordings to Starfleet.  Tact was never one of the doctor’s strong points.

Kaiev, the Klingon commander who threatens the Enterprise, is my favorite original character ever.  He and McCoy become buddies.

McCoy uses their own psychology on the Klingons.  First, he grins liked a madman and blithely announces that he killed the famous “Kirk” and was now the captain (which the Klingons believe, as this is apparently a fairly typical form of advancement).  Then the doctor alternates between flippancy and aggressive posturing.   By the end of it, poor Kaiev is convinced that McCoy is a lunatic barbarian who had murdered his captain and would be as likely to blow them both to bits as to continue giggling madly from his command chair.  Everyone is surprised at how effectively this renders the usually hostile Klingons edgy and cautious.

One of the highlights of this interaction is McCoy’s diagnosis of Commander Kaiev’s chronic medical condition, the revelation of which so startles the Klingon that he almost kills his whole crew in order to find the “spy.”   Right.

In all seriousness, McCoy’s concern for his adversary as a doctor is a sterling and earnest portrayal of his deeper character, which will always manifest – first and foremost – as a healer.

#6 – Specter of the Gun An ill-advised mission to explore a new planet ends badly when the landing party is condemned to die by the advanced species that lives there.  They are sent to their execution… in a showdown on the OK Corral.  Yes, you heard me – Star Trek cowboys.

Rating: 3

Highlights:

There’s a wonderful little scene in which McCoy procures some medical supplies from an enemy.  On display: his uniquely quiet and resolved personal strength.

Spock actually compliments the doctor, commenting on his ingeniousness when he is able to create a bomb out of primitive materials.  McCoy goes o_o!

To rescue his comrades from the limits of their all too human minds, Spock melds with Kirk, Scotty, and Dr. McCoy.

Tags: Fearless-McCoy, Mind Meld, Omnipotent Being

#7 – Day of the Dove An alien who feeds on hostility lures the Enterprise and a Klingon crew together and isolates them on the ship with primitive weapons. It provokes feelings of hatred between the groups, and plans to lock them in eternal combat. Only by resisting prejudice and stopping the fighting can the true enemy be defeated.

Rating: 2

Highlights:

The first indication that something is wrong comes from McCoy, who makes a strangely OOC comment about the Klingons being guilty just because they are Klingons.

The unknown alien seems to be exploiting McCoy’s nature. Clearly angry, he calls the Klingons butchers as he treats the sword wounds of injured personnel.

Spock and Kirk get a big clue about what the alien is doing to people’s minds when McCoy, who is usually very anti-violence, harangues them, telling them to start acting like military men and fight the Klingons to the death.

Having been told about the game being played with them, a somber McCoy says, “If we are pawns, then you are looking at one who is extremely sorry.”

McCoy sword fighting!

The final confrontation is Kirk, Spock, and McCoy + Klingon Commander. Amusingly, the Klingon commander’s “call to peace” is a bald statement that Klingons do not need alien interference to hate humans. :)

Tags: Landing-Party, Sickbay, Medical Tunic, Mentally Assaulted, Moved to Violence, Hostile Alien

#8 – For the World in Hollow and I Have Touched the Sky One of the genuinely excellent tales spun by the series – both poetic and entertaining, character driven and balanced between plot and sub-plot.  In artistry and completeness, It’s only surpassed by “The City on the Edge of Forever.”  The premise is that the Enterprise must redirect an asteroid on a collision course with a populated world, but finds that the rock is actually a spaceship which has, for centuries, cradled the last remaining people from an otherwise extinct race.  The catch? They don’t know that they’re on a ship, but believe the asteroid is the whole world.  Meanwhile, McCoy, who we discover is dying from an incurable blood disorder (Xenopolycythemia), attracts the interest of the high priestess.

Rating: Strong 5

Highlight:

A rare McCoy-centric episode.

There’s a must-see scene when Nurse Chapel insists that Dr. McCoy share his illness with the captain.  He shouts at her but then deflates, and his quiet use of her first name (“Christine”) when he promises that he’ll give a full report really speaks to how close they are, in spite of their usual professionalism.

Kirk and Spock’s separate reactions to finding out their friend is dying make the whole episode worth watching.  It’s all very subtle, of course – no talking, just touching and looking – but a lot manages to get across anyway.

The priestess’s marked interest in McCoy is warming rather than nauseating, and her straightforward declaration after requesting permission to be blunt – “I would like you to stay here as my mate” – combined with his boggled reaction, makes for a really lovely scene.

McCoy gets married again, but instead of a ring, his spouse inserts an “instrument of obedience” in his head.  Then the devise nearly kills him when he attempts to send vital information to Jim and Spock.  Yeah.

Tags: Hurt/Comfort, Cure-Find, Sickbay, Triumvirate, McCoy-Romance, Self-Sacrifice, Landing-Party

#9 – The Tholian Web Following what appears to be Captain Kirk’s death, Spock transcends command of the Enterprise, whose people are slowly going mad and becoming violent.  McCoy, grieving and also affected, proceeds to question him at every turn, resulting in some truly ugly confrontations.  However, a timely intervention via the Captain’s final wishes makes them partners determined to rescue the ship.

Rating: 5

Highlights:

In spite of the fact that Spock and McCoy spend much of the time fighting, the intensity of their battle is captivating to watch.

Dr. McCoy gets attacked by a frenzied technician.  He is being choked on a tabletop before Nurse Chapel finally comes to her senses and rescues him by knocking the man unconscious.

Captain’s Kirk’s last message: Amazing. Does he ever know his friends.

McCoy’s final violent outburst at Spock, which is followed immediately by his apology, vow of support, and then subsequent collapse from the effect of the disease.

Spock does have a sense of humor, which he proves by collaborating in a spectacular ruse with McCoy, in which they deny ever having seen Kirk’s final message.  Poor Jim visibly deflates…while the other two smirk behind their hands.

Tags: Spock-McCoy Tag Team, Spock-McCoy Banter, Hurt/Comfort, Bridge-McCoy

#10 – Plato’s Stepchildren This episode revolves around a concept that I had fairly longed to see – the idea that, at some point, some race/species/ruler would insist on keeping a certain brilliant Starfleet physician around, by force if necessary.  However, it also contains several nauseating scenes of humiliation and torment that are distinctly not comical.

Rating: 5

Warning: I rarely issue an outright warning, but beware; there are parts of this episode that truly disturbed me.

Highlight:

The Platonian leader is suffering from a massive infection. As the medical tricorder cannot read Platonian biology, McCoy must create a treatment from scratch.

Platonians have powerful telekinesis. See McCoy get thrown against walls and be yanked around by their ability.

Parmen decides McCoy must stay, but Fearless-McCoy refuses. For this, he is literally anchored in place.

Kirk’s response to Parmen’s demand is resolute. He refuses to leave McCoy.

Parmen tries to persuade the doctor by humiliating his friends. This is one of the most upsetting scenes in the entire series. I can barely stand to watch it.

Forced to witness their suffering, McCoy looks ready to give in, but Kirk gives him an order: No matter what Parmen does, the answer is still no. McCoy closes his eyes, looking anguished.

I can’t bear to see Spock forced to be emotional, and neither can McCoy. He begs on Spock’s behalf, to no avail.

Want to get nauseated? Watch Kirk and McCoy hover helplessly around a distraught Spock, who can barely control himself.

For the sake of the others, McCoy wants to give in. However, Kirk refuses, and together they make a plan to use the Platonian mental aptitudes for themselves.

The final scene of the episode is famous, as is contains one of the first interracial kisses on television, between Kirk and Uhura. However, this kiss is deeply non-consensual and I find it extremely disturbing for that reason. McCoy can’t stand seeing women mistreated either, and breaks down completely, agreeing to do anything Parmen wants.

There is no cannon aftermath for all this, of course, but I can imagine how much therapy was involved. And poor McCoy is the only psychologist.

By the way, I wrote a story based on this episode called "So True a Fool Is Love." It’s an alternate version: What would have happened if Kirk and Spock had been forced to leave McCoy with the god-like psychopaths? Nothing good. Side note: Although the tone of this episode is serious and the kiss between Kirk and Uhura is non-consensual on both their parts (so gross), the actual story behind how television’s first scripted interracial kiss came to be is pretty funny (Shatner and Nichols tricked the studio execs). In fact, if you aren’t aware of Star Trek’s entwinement with the Civil Right’s Movement and its status as a favorite show of Martin Luthor King Jr., it’s worth reading about!

The backrooms are generative AI trying to capture something real but only achieving a malformed, mindless imitation.

The backrooms are stagnation, an unwillingness to step into the new and uncomfortable effort of changing, instead running through the same old routine even as it starts to fall in on itself.