She's Sweet But a Psycho

I can try to sit joyfully, but I promise ya. If there’s good music playing, it’s not gonna last for long. 

Well, if you didn’t drink the moon water, then it wouldn’t matter if there was purge fluid in it. Homeopathy can kill, you know. But, fine, I’m willing to admit drinking “moon water” is unlikely to be harmful in and of itself, so long as it isn’t a substitution for any kind of real medical care. I still think it’s ludicrous. As are you.

I’ll bring as many dead animals into this as I want. Would you like a porcupine that’s been decomposing for three days? How about a meadow vole that just died? Or the cat. No one seems to want the cat. You clearly lack any sense of taste, and I mean that in a figurative sense. Unless you also happen to have ageusia. Then I mean it literally, too.

I had an imperfect upbringing, fine, but I can guarantee it was better than yours. At least I’m not lapping up “moon energy” and “mother earth’s hugs” and “baby crystals” and… whatever else.

Why wouldn’t I drink it!! You make it with ingestible liquid for a reason!! Not as quickly as drinking decomposition fluids would kill you!! You’re a psychopath! 

How dare you! Are you killing them for sport then? Not that I’d mind if you enjoy killing moose but for Gaia’s sake don’t bring them into my life! I don’t want any of those things!! Gods you fackin’ banshees and your dead things-lemme guess...you have a whole collection of bones too, eh? 

You name the time and the place, and I’ll be there. Would never say no to a drink.

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Eeeee yay!!! Ok ok ok....let’s see....how about the Perfect Pint? I don’t think it’s that new...but I’m a sucker for a good Irish pub!

Thanks. Forearm, huh? Any preference on size? There’s a lot I gotta know. You wouldn’t believe the number of people who come in saying “Do whatever you want!” and then get cold feet when they see the design.

Or they’re the ones who are self employed with bills up to their eyeballs. Uh huh Sure.

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Wellllll what if I promise I won’t freak when I see it? I’m thinkin’ wrist to elbow! Inner forearm. Something cute!

Y’know, that sounds pretty fun, actually. I’ve got a lot of shifts this week, but I could swing by in the evening if you want someone to hang around with. I haven’t gotten a chance to see much of it yet, but it sounds cool. 

I didn’t think to ask about the toppings. I think it fell onto someones car, so I’m not sure it would’ve been the most edible after that. No pizza place took credit for it as far as I know.

[pm] Oh, you sound fun, I like you. Is that your address? Well, one jar costs $12, so multiply that by 13, and that’ll be $156. When should we send them? Or you can pick them up at BUG BUSTERS PEST CONTROL SOLUTIONS located at [user has inserted address] with contact information through [user has inserted phone number] if your schedule’s all over the place and you’d like to just drive by. 

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[pm] You sound fun too! It’s where I work, which I practically live there I work so hard! Hah! Ohh what a steal! I can always swing by, I’d love to see what a pest control office looks like! 

NESSA AHHHHH HIIIII!!! THANK YOU FOR NOT FIRING ME FOR BEING GONE FOR THREE MONTHS! You da best boss ever! 

I am so ready to jump back in! Gonna make those bar tabs MY BITCH. 

Also we should hang out after work soon!! I mean like only if you want to! Oh and I’m not implying that I don’t NOT like seeing you at work, don’t get me wrong! Like you look bomb af in the lighting there, like damn you are so pretty girl wtf, but yeah we should do lunch someday!! Omg am I making this weird SORRY I JUST THINK YOU ARE SO COOL PLEASE HANG OUT WITH ME AGHHHHHHHH

Of course not! I’ve also been gone for quite a bit, it’d be so rude of me to fire you for the same thing. Even though at least I gave the club notice but you’re just so much fun to be around

I love the enthusiasm! Let’s get that bread!!

I honestly couldn’t tell you. I haven’t really ran into any yet but when I do, I’ll let you know. Maybe they’re upset about something, I don’t know how bees work. But yeah, that’s what you’ve come back to. Woo. Is White Crest your hometown?

If they’re upset, there’s probably an upset in the natural balance of things...which...I don’t think I feel, but who knows...

Oh, does it? That makes sense! 

How have you been, by the way? It has been a short time for mortals long time since I have heard from you.

Oh yeah! Somethin’ about the new sprouts, the bloomin’ flowers, the longer days, it makes any topiary worth its weight wanna get up and dance!