quarter past dead

Stranger in the Milk Bath (Starter)

Hello White Crest, Chandra Cheesery here

If you are taking a bath or sauna, it turns to milk, and a flowery woman emerges from it

 Please tell her that she forgot her vanilla extract and cocoa powder at the shop

Thank you

PS: Also don’t tell her her your birthday, and no kisses

How far is too far for a performance art piece? May have gone too far with this one…

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Maybe home invasion or like...murder. Probably? I don’t know the laws of art. Are there laws? Does anyone even care about those anymore?

I’m a hard worker, I swear I’m quite reliable, I can give references I’m sure Nell would speak good about me. If anyone is looking for a part timer worker ANYWEHRE I am truly ready to sorta commit! Any recommendations would also be great!

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Do you give a shit about kids? Or are able to tolerate them for a few hours?

I don't know, patience? If I can stare at a wall unbothered for a few hours and not get bored, I'm sure I could listen to someone's problems just about the same way.

Unblinking Garfield is all-knowing and all-judging. Absolutely. It’s one of the most cursed objects I’ve ever laid eyes upon. Are you really? Please provide photos if you do for scientific purposes.

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See that’s what I thought! But everyone else in this town is like “do your taxes!” “the government doesn’t know unless you tell them” They’re the GOVERNMENT they should know. They have the FBI listening to me anYWAY

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People not doing their taxes is probably like #20 on the list of worries this town should have. See, you get it. I think my FBI guy is aware and unbothered. Yours probably is too. Filing taxes is like nodding and waving at the government. Sometimes you don’t feel like doing that and that’s valid.

Hey there! We all know that no parent ever wants to hear the word “lice,” right? But how do you get rid of lice? Well, preventing getting rid of lice is simple. 

If you suspect you have lice on your clothing or in your home: Call BUG BUSTERS PEST CONTROL SOLUTIONS. [user has attached a phone number and an address]. We’re equipped with totally safe “compounds” that can kill lice in your home for good, including their eggs. Professional lice treatment is similar in many ways to bed bug treatment.

If you or your child has lice: Go see a doctor for a shampoo solution. If the infestation is mild, you can also use oil, tea tree or olive. BUG BUSTERS PEST CONTROL SOLUTIONS also sells homemade tea tree oil and olive oil for all your lice removal needs.

What are you waiting for? Call or visit us now!

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What about a homemade flamethrower? I don’t have lice but hypothetically speaking, could that work?

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[pm] Okay. Would you ever do it again? Good to have your opinion. Right, self-defense don’t know if I gotta worry about that probably useful in this town. Don’t know how to explain. Just, I’d rather be punching bags or people who know what they’re doing over random drunks at the bar.  Wait, I guess that kinda explains it. Should probably ask at the gym, right?

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[pm] Sure. Oh, in this town? Absolutely. This place is just a few clicks west of the O.K. Corral sometimes. It’s a shitshow. Yeah, I get that one. Sometimes getting into a fistfight in a controlled and mostly safe environment for two dollars and a cold hot dog is the best way to work through some things. I’ve been there a ton of times. How’d the bar fights go? Gym’s a solid place. If you ever want to run through the basics, I’m down.

Theoretically speaking, if I had a

Hello fellow White Crest citizens! I’m looking to try some local cuisine, maybe buy something new from the grocery store. What are some nutritional, tasty things I should try? Maybe something that really screams ‘I’m home even though I’m terrified.’ Some comfort food, maybe? 

I’m also looking to try some hobbies, or just things to do when you’re bored that don’t involve being on a computer or phone. I’d like to enrich the human’s life since I have access to things humans enjoy But I just don’t know what the options are Maybe something that’s generally safe and easy, like something a very young child could do with minimal supervision without hurting themselves. 

My human won’t answer when I ask it what it needs It’s still in the screaming stage We’ve all been there But it’s still very new to this whole captivity thing and I want to win it over with a nice home-cooked meal or a treat

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Pop-Tarts are a solid choice. Except the brown sugar cinnamon ones. Those are fucking gross and should be avoided at all costs. Technically they’re all gross but a dead man can dream.

Have you tried one of those things where you match shapes to holes in a box? That’s a safe kid thing to do. Are you babysitting?

hey so weird question adults of this town; are taxes like … something I NEED to submit or does the government know that I did things and worked and stuff? 

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You sort of need to but you don’t...have to, you know? The government already knows what we all do anyway.