Something I find really stressful is this seemingly endless creep of infantilisation and removal of autonomy from young people. Like, not to be all โin my dayyyyโ about it, butโฆ at 16, my friends and I were expected to be broadly responsible for our presence in the world. Most of us had jobs, we navigated public transport, looked after younger siblings. We were expected to make informed decisions about our future careers and our sexual partners. We were allowed to leave education and work full time (this was not necessarily good thing - I think increasing the school leaving age to 18 was broadly for the best). Most of us were smoking, or drinking, or both - again, not good things, but just facts - and many of us were sexually active. Many of the AFAB people I knew were on the pill. Legally, we could live independently, or get married with adult consent.
Legally (I live in the UK) we were not minors, although we inhabited an odd legal limbo until we turned 18, and we were certainly not โchildrenโ. Intellectually, socially, though, we were considered (young) adults, or at the most โolder teenagers.โ We were expected to read mostly adult books (rather than middle grade or YA), watch the news/read papers, watch mostly adult television.
And I do think we a bit under-protected, under-supported, and in some cases - neglected and financially exploited - and Iโm not necessarily advocating that. But it did make us feel, I think, in charge of our own lives, capable and competent to make decisions.
At 16-17 my parents knew they could leave me alone overnight/for a couple of nights, and I wouldnโt starve or burn the house down. I felt comfortable getting cross country trains on my own, or booking and staying at a hotel (yes, with my boyfriend.)
Then there was thisโฆ creeping of sentiments that we were all Too Young to trouble our heads about certain things. A lot of it was good - more stringent licensing laws, raising the school leaving age, raising the minimum smoking age(!) - but some of the broader cultural stuff wasโฆ a bit patronising? Eg, the introduction of โNew Adultโ as a category of books aimed at 18-25 year olds, the way cartoons and books written for the 9-12 age group were being marketed as for the 12-15 age group, referring to late teens as โchildren,โ etc etc.
Then, in 2008, there was the big financial crash and suddenly my generation were (broadly) robbed of all the usual markers of adulthood and success, meaning that we got โstuckโ in the lifestyles and modes our late teens/early 20s. And suddenly, all the emphasis shifted from social and legal protections for late teens/ younger adults, to legal restrictions on their freedoms/rights, and strange philosophical protections on the emotional states.
So, OF COURSE a 23 year old canโt buy a beer without carrying an ID card, and a 17 year old canโt have a crush on a 16 year old, but also, because youโre *children* you donโt need to live like adults. So the UK government got to save money by saying โ18 isnโt a proper adult,โ then โ20 isnโt a proper adult,โ and โ25 isnโt a proper adultโ because it meant they could refuse to give single occupancy housing benefit rates to people of those ages (I think theyโve raised it over 30 now.) Or by refusing to clamp down on exploitative temporary/zero hours contracts - because theyโre just โtemp jobs for young people!โ, or by raising the retirement age because โ60 is far too young to retire. Youโre not a real adult until 35.โ
And it means the discursive environment is such that you can claim that a 21 year old trans person is too young to make their own medical decisions, or a 15 year old is too young to consent to the contraceptive pill.
Meanwhile, they are not offering additional *protections* to these newly infantilised adults. 18 year olds are still encouraged to saddle themselves with enormous educational debt, or allowed to have credit cards, or expected to pay rent, or no longer receive child benefits. You still have to *work*. In fact, in the States, theyโre looking to removed child employment restrictions - but thatโs fine, because 20 year olds are being protected from making their own medical decisions, and adults get to say which books their teen kids are reading in school, and kids arenโt allowed to change their name or what they wear without parental consent.
We can see what these people are doing to the rights of children - so why are we being so complacent in expanding the definition of โchildโ?
Regardless - 25 is VERY CLEARLY an adult. At 25 I was married, had two kids, an overdraft, rent to pay, and experience of living in the world for 6 years. I had more in common with someone of 40 than I did with someone of 15. Hell, at*20* I had more in common with someone of 40 than someone of 15. Any sexual or relationship decisions you make at 25 are your own to make.
Of course there are likely to be power imbalances in a 15 year age gap - which is why most 25 year olds donโt date 40somethings - but not actually necessarily. And yeah, a 40 year old who only dates 20somethings is a skeeze - just like a 30 year old who routinely ingratiates themselves with rich 80 year olds is a skeeze.
But if any young people are reading this (doubt it)โฆ your rights are much, much more important than your protections.
Yes, young people should be protected, but if someone claims theyโre protecting you while denying you access to personal autonomy, financial stability, intellectual curiosity, or sexual self-determination because youโre โtoo youngโ to need, or understand those thingsโฆ be very suspicious of their motives.
And if youโre legally an adult, ask yourself why you donโt feel comfortable defining yourself in those terms.
