jockstrap junkie

"you don't know what you have until you lose it" works for things that suck too btw. sometimes you need to experience life without something for a while to realise oh damn that was some bullshit

community theatre is quite possibly the funniest hobby, because you will meet all these people who are insanely talented and could probably have gone pro if luck and/or nepotism had allowed, and not only that but you will meet people with Star Quality, the inexplicable magnetism that makes you go "wow i would listen to them read their grocery list." and then you'll be hanging out with them backstage and they'll be like "yeah i'm a receptionist at a dentist's office"

to clarify, it's not everyone. it's not even most people. it is unfortunately not me. but every now and then you are going to meet someone with qualities you chiefly associate with celebrities and then you are going to have to try to imagine meryl streep as a manager at dunkin donuts

imagining a universe where porn is a marketable genre so you have to deal with raycon ads while trying to jerk your shit

You’re an easy slut, aren’t you kitten? Almost as easy as dinner with Hellofresh

When I was a kid I thought Master Chief was gender fluid bc I didn't understand who Cortana was so anytime she talked I just thought it was chief being a girl for that sentence

i appear to have made mortal nemeses with a pigeon

tumblr stop rooting for the pigeon

CEASE THIS IMMEDIATELY

Hyenas are notable for their cuteness