Damn It To Kill A King

me: who hates me

In honor of Dan turning 30, here’s some reasons why he’s problematic

• Shy • Every pic he posts kills me • “Soon” • Plays song live then changes lyrics • Asks interviewers questions • Can’t dance for shit • May Dan™ • Won’t give a straightforward answer about Wild World • Once stepped on broken glass during a show and kept going • “Tell us a lie about the band:” “That we are good” • Eyes too pretty for this world • Is actually a deer • Wrote a song about a tv show he loves • Always looks great no matter what • Makes mixtapes • Throws his head forward when he laughs • Has the voice of a god • Looks cool but is actually a massive nerd • Wears black clothes and skinny jeans no matter the weather  • Has a new favorite album each week • The mustache  • Doesn’t talk about his music, but won’t shut about other people’s • Points at random shit in photos • Goes from cute to hot in .5 seconds • Falls asleep in the recording studio • Once wore a tiger onesie at glastonbury • Accidentally looked like Mr.Bean in a suit • “everybody get down!…. not in a kinky way” • “If you don’t know the words just pretend to sing along like:*incoherent mumbling*” • Too humble for this world • Defensive of his fans

I’ll just…