I don't like living in reality.

Hey I’m thinking of posting a poetry series called Letters To A Love I Left Behind, would anybody be interested in this.

Social anxiety rules my life and it's getting worse not better. I have no friends. I don't have the capacity to love because I don't think I deserve it. I'm so afraid I'm going to be alone forever. I'm so fed up of the voices in my head being to loud, criticising everything I've done and said that day. Sometimes I hurt myself so I can feel. I don't want to be like this forever, I want to live; but I don't think I can because whenever I think of my future, I can't see it.

I think I'll always be a teenager, it doesn't matter if I'm now 18 and should be grown up, it won't matter when I'm 50. I will always be moody and confused and a paradox of emotions. We never stop being teenagers we just become soulless hiding behind empty masks. I was so worried about the fact I still read teen quotes and felt akin to them. But I can be whoever I want and I'm an Eternal Teenager.

Do you ever get one of those days where you hate everything and everyone. When you don't feel part of the world and those invisible threads that connect you to reality are severed. And all you want to do is curl up in a ball and cry but you can't because then people would know your weak. Then someone asks you why your sad but you can't answer because you don't even know, it's just a feeling deep inside your blackened heart. And all you want is one person to notice the sadness in your eyes. I've had this for the last 14 days and I just want it to stop.

I have trust issues. Because eventually everyone leaves.