9th circle of dale

Portia: "HIYA MOM I'M STILL PREGNANT MIGHT WANNA COME OVER SOON SO YOU CAN MEET YOUR NEW GRANDCHILD!"

Regan: "Officer, I swear I don't know who that is."

Hot Cop: "I know you, I know your family, I know that's not true."

Regan: "ARE YOU CALLING ME A LIAR? EXTRATERRESTRIALS HAVE ALTERED MY DNA AND HAVE ENDOWED ME WITH PARASCIENTIFIC YOUTHFULNESS AND SEXINESS! I'LL TEAR YOUR ORGANS FROM YOUR ABDOMINAL CAVITY AND DEVOUR THEM AS YOU WATCH."

Portia: "Mom please stop."

Sweater Cuck: "Snrk! Blaven! P-p-p-parascientific sexiness?! How irresistible!"

You're telling me the Gas Station Cock Hunt was a success and all Regan had to do was be crazy in public?

This is the bull, huh? Lestat the Pimp? He's not even remotely in his twenties.

You just met him, Regan, I don't think you gotta worry about that. Also lmao Odo banned from nuptials.

Lestat is a huge bitch, fortunately, so they spend their 7/11 date gossiping about townies.

Regan: "My daughter told me about this Noelle woman who compulsively propositions anyone she comes across! What a whore!"

Glass houses? Pots, kettles? Whatever, we're leaving.

Edgar: "Is this Auntie Portia's house? Why am I a child?"

All good questions! I shall answer approximately zero of them. And, look! Back behind the car is Portia's husband, Bren. I refused to let her marry any of the usual slimeballs she enjoys, so I Weird Science'd her a guy.

Portia: "Come feel the baby, Edmund!"

Edmund: "EW NO GET AWAY FROM ME!"

Wholesome family moments <3

Men will do anything to avoid spending time with their wive's families, smh.

Bren: "OH HELL NO YOU'RE NOT GONNA CHARACTERIZE ME AS AN ASSHOLE, I DIDN'T DO THIS ON PURPOSE!"

Yeah, you're a Knowledge sim, this is like a Saturday night trip to the local BDSM dungeon for you.

Regan: "WELL I'M STILL NOT HAPPY ABOUT IT BECAUSE HE'S GONNA COME BACK PREGNANT AND I KNOW YOUR STUPID SONS ARE GONNA FUCK WHATEVER ALIEN BASTARD COMES OUT!"

DON'T JINX IT! DON'T FUCKING JINX IT!!!

Bren: "Ogh, hngh.... Ouch, I'm back. And they said something about... incest??"

Yeah, the aliens are following along at home. Hi, aliens.

Portia finally gets to give birth! This is Patience, and I love her curly hair and her little pixie face. :)

Meanwhile, back at the ranch. Hey, Pocket! What're you doing here alone in the kitchen?

Pocket: "Mourning. I love Regan, but she made me immortal and soul-bound to the family. I am condemned to serve these wretched people and their offspring until the world burns, and yet I still remain, stranded. I will hate them, I will love them, and I'll watch them all wither and die, powerless to bring an end to it all."

Damn. Can we back up a bit, though? Soul? She gave you a soul? How the fuck?

Pocket: "Oh my God go away, grant me the peace that my creator could not."

Albert: "Boink! Haha! Gotcha, dumb bitch!"

Regan: "OW YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE I'LL KILL YOU!"

YOU'RE ON REAL FUCKING THIN ICE, ALBERT.

Yeah, go. Go eat cookies with your little son.

Edmund: "Hey, dad, guess what? I've finally made contact with the aliens that are monitoring our family."

Albert: "Okay, there's- there's aliens monitoring the family?"

Edmund: "Yeah, and they're really, really unhappy that you've inserted yourself into the Manwich affairs. They said they know you, they're not afraid, but they think that you should be."

Albert: "Psh, afraid, yeah. Of what? Them? Some gangly dorks up in space?"

Edmund: "No, dad. Afraid of me."

Albert: "OF YOU?! You're like, nine, what can you do to an arch-devil?"

Edmund: "Many things. A reckoning is upon you, Ashmedai. Patrem meum regno exuam, and by my hand will you know agony."

Albert: "Oh, fuck off, you little pubic louse, I'm going to bed. I have work in the morning."

Edmund: "Work, huh? Not for much longer."

Aw. Father/Son bonding! He's got way too much of Albert in him for me to find him as cute as I do. Maybe it's just because he's unhinged and scary all of the time.

He'd be scarier if he didn't cry to the manslave anytime someone says something slightly mean to him, though.

Edmund: "POCKET I HATE MY DAD SO MUCH!"

Pocket: "Same."

Edmund: "I'M GOING TO RUIN HIM!!! I SWEAR!!!"

Pocket: "Per aspera ad meliora, kiddo. Your time will come."

Edmund: "You're right! I will usurp my father's throne and cause human suffering on an unprecedented scale!"

Pocket: "I didn't tell you to do any of that but alright."

Aw!! At least he loves his mom. :)

Regan came home and aged up right after. :( Still a total GILF, but now she's closer to death! I'm not ready!

Regan: "THE ALIENS LIED! MY YOUTH IS GONE!"

EDMUND'S CURSE

Edmund: "HI DAD HOW WAS WORK?"

Albert: "FUCK OFF I DON'T EVEN WANT TO LOOK AT YOU RIGHT NOW."

I was wondering why you were in your gym clothes.

Edmund: "I'm training to defeat my father. My small size gives me a disadvantage, but I believe strength and resilience will be my ultimate boon."

You know you can, like, grow up? You can be larger.

Edmund: "OH SHIT?! SAY LESS."

Oh my God. Edmund, you're my favorite. It's official.

Edmund: "I look like my great-grandpa!"

You sure do! King Edmund!

Fuck, I love him. He rolled Knowledge/Fortune and wants to be the head of the SCIA, because of course he does. Why wouldn't he want to know everything there is to know, and also rub shoulders with aliens?

Edmund: "My bookish, scholarly appearance will be disarming, but my right hook will be deadly. I will be unstoppable."

Reminder that you're mortal and human.

Edmund: "My vengeful spirit will remain long after my body dies."

I mean, it's the Sims, so, yeah.