big girls do cry

[ text → ✉ → BURNER PHONE #4. ]: training? <3 [ text → ✉ → BURNER PHONE #4. ]: sounds rough! can’t wait to hear all about it [ text → ✉ → BURNER PHONE #4. ]: i’d love to! <3

“Yeah. Ten years ago, my coaches thought I was gonna go places. Gymnast or fighter. Then I lost it.” She decided not to explain how, not to the law student daughter of a hero. She’d managed not to get caught by the cops for the underground fighting ring or the drugs. “Had to get it back.” She didn’t know what Linnea’s damage was, why she needed to train back up, but the principle was the same.

he couldn’t help but giggle at the absurdity of it all. that’s what it was – absurd. the whole thing was stupid and ridiculous and one was just as bad as the other. there was a humour in it, really; one that was paired up tightly with an odd relief – a relief that was tense in his chest, as if the binds holding it in were beginning to fray, but was still there all the same. pushing a delicate hand through blonde, fluffy hair, the young man shook his head. “i thought he hated me. can you imagine?” it was a giggle, holy shit. one that showed hugo was really starting to feel better, thanks to this conversation. “we didn’t talk for like– two years? oh my god, i thought he was avoiding me because he didn’t like me.”

Estela spent much of her time with her kids or with her students, nearly always around those who weren’t her equals except for the occasional professor she interacted with during work and her siblings. Despite Linnea being the age of her students, she felt much more like an equal. “You’re welcome. I try to make sure everyone’s smiling, but i meant it. You are pretty cool.”

@cvnaryqueen said ;  ❝ i just need an excuse to hang out with you. ❞

              “ whaaaaaaat ?? me ? aw, shucks, linny ! ” the blonde shied away before placing a hand on the younger’s shoulder and pulling her in for a hug. “ you know, that you can come see anytime you want !! ” kara always welcomed company &&. especially when it came to linnea whom she adored with all her heart, just like she adored all of oliver’s children. “ what’s been going on with you? i hear your dad’s back so that’s fun, right? ”

Roy knows the pressure of being in this family. Oliver has high standards and, while he might love his children - his real children of course, not the show-kid Roy had been as his ward - that doesn’t mean he doesn’t pressure them. They need someone who gets that, and who is willing to give them a safe space where they can just.. be themselves. He hopes he gives them that. “Who am I kidding, everyone knows my weird secrets anyway.” Roy chuckles and shrugs a shoulder. “Ice cream it is. You got a favourite?”

linnea was — well, things were complicated with her. she was smart, strong and intelligent, and charming enough to have dani flustered half the time. she was great with estela’s kids. she was perfect, but also completely unattainable. between her friendship with haley and estela’s dependence on linny it would’ve been stupid to try and do anything about her feelings, but…

simply accepting her help and her company didn’t count, right? well. her internal rambling had caused her to zone out until she caught the last three words, and a grateful smile lit up her face. “you’re my white knight, linny. how can i ever repay you?”

she moved through the room, picking up stray toys and neatening the house. “well — what do you normally do with cesar and ana?”

Lian smiles when she looks up at her aunt. “You don’t need it? I mean, I really don’t mind walking around like this. What’s a little skin going to do? It looks horrible though … I think it happened when I was training.”

Each swallow felt laborious in these moments, when she didn’t know what was next. Her heart pounded as she carefully watched Linnys reaction, but she set her jaw hard, determined to not allow herself tears. No, when owning up to ones mistake, the soldier had been taught to stand straight, take whatever came her way for it. Ava’s respect for Linnea was too great to give her anything less. Once she asked the question, ava shook her head.

“Nothing on me, other than I fought for my country before and was called to do it again,” the sentence was bitter sounding. Regret tinged Ava’s every action nowadays, and this was just the beginning of the consequences she had to face, “I… Didn’t give you or Haley in. I couldn’t,” she knows that doesn’t help much. She looked down for just a moment, shaking her head as she tried to string the proper words together.

“I’m sorry, Lin,” there is no lie in her words, for she is sorry. However, sometimes sorry wasn’t enough. Grappling with whether to speak more, she gave in and tried to articulate what she was thinking, “I… I Wasn’t in a good place when they found me– and I’m not trying to make excuses,” she puts a hand up and shakes her head, “I… I have a lot coming to me. I know… But it was before I found my family again. Before all of this,” another swallow. No tears, not here, “and I’d been silent for too long. They were taking me back to DC when you showed up,” a pause, and she repeated, “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”

                 with this big move, there sure was an adjusting period that was going to follow… it had been awhile since the whole arrow family was in one place, together, for more than just a few days but better late than never. oliver knew he could manage queen consolidated from here &. he had left it in good hands so he wasn’t too worried. the fact that he could come to paragon and TEACH also seemed like a great opportunity since he hadn’t done it for awhile and seemed to enjoy it. —- the only thing that made him nervous was how his family would react, would his kids be okay with seeing their father so often ? ollie hated to admit it, but his children had grown up. 

                   more often than not, the archer found himself wanting to prove to his kids that he loved them and more than that, that he could be a good father. by the time linnea was born, he felt like he did have some sense of control over the situation; that he was getting the hang of things. he loved all his children equally but looking at his youngest, she did seem to adapt to his trait of recklessness, he would’ve been proud of her no matter what &. ollie just wished that she take things a little slow.  

                   “ —- it definitely is something, i’m glad you’re working hard… to stay safe ! ” he added carefully, slow steps approaching until he picked up her bottle of water and walked to hand it to her. “ they did, actually. who would’ve thought.. but gah, —– enough about that, i’m gonna hug you now &. tell you that i missed you so much !! ” ollie warned before continuing to do exactly that.

       there were moments with each of her children that dinah gained these little flashbacks. no matter how mature they had become, all it took was the mother touching her daughter’s hair to transport her back to when they were all in her home. preparing them for school. making them breakfast. seeing linnea attempting to do her hair, growing frustrated when it didn’t want to settle the way she liked. dinah would come to her then, smile at her in the mirror, and carefully arrange those curls. a kiss, to the crown of her head. ( a silent thanks to the gods for giving her kids ollie’s wonderfully blonde hair ).

      at her words, dinah gave a soft chuckle. ❝ at least you’re not as stubborn as he is about it — mostly. ❞ taking her hand away, the canary couldn’t help the way her eyes nearly tracked linnea’s stature, attempting to find any note of pain somewhere in her posture. there was a soft but sad smile. ❝ you’re my hero, linnea. and that’s all i need to keep going. i also suppose that’s why you didn’t tell me about being hurt again… by frostbite. —— it’s okay, i’m not mad. gemma told me, and i had to tell myself there was a reason you didn’t want to tell me. ❞

      first the gunshot. now the attack. but linnea was still here, still standing tall, and still saying she wanted to protect her own mother. a true fighter, capable of taking care of herself. a mother’s job may never be done, but she could rest a little easier at night knowing her children had been raised right, could fend for themselves, and were now seeking to follow their parents’ footsteps.

Zoe hadn’t expected to find pride in teaching. Maybe she should’ve; she’d been a gymnastics and martial arts coach for kids younger than her for years when she was a teenager. “It’s my job,” she shrugged. “And I know what it’s like to try to get it back.”

hugo was, for the most part, an excellent communicator. he always had been – but with nate, the older man had given him very little to work with, and it had been difficult to talk to him when he had ignored hugo for two years. the blond had struggled, especially considering the fact that his first encounter with nate had been integral for his own coming out, this had been something he’d wanted to talk about for a long, long time. “i don’t want to make you talk about things that he might want to be, you know, kept private or whatever, but… that’s really funny. not funny ha-ha, funny weird. i’ve been saying the same shit.”

not mad ? there’s no such thing as ‘not mad’. or so hermes believed. when he was working for gangs, he knew that whenever the boss said those two words together it meant that the boss was pissed as hell and that if he didn’t get out as fast as possible he’d be starved or beaten or worse.

and so he did. hermes ran faster, skipping steps ( as dangerous as that was ) to get away. one step caused him to slip up, to slide down a few stairs on his ass and slow down in his run.

the silence is a breach in her flimsy cotton candy walls  ,  shredding holes in the crystallized sugar and stabbing her in the heart  .  that tiny little thing’s beating so quickly  ,  too quickly  ,  the energizer bunny’s drums in her ears  ,  roaring  , and she’s losing her grip on reality  .  on this conversation  .  in her mind’s the sound of a man’s screams as they drown in merlot blood  .  in her mind’s the tightened grip of metal cuffs on her wrists  .  of an officer’s scoff as he shoves her against the copper  .  you murderer  ,  he’d hissed in her ear  ,  pressed the gun against her spine  .  and she should’ve done something  .  the rascal would’ve done something  .  to stand up for herself  .  instead  ,  all she could do was tilt her cheek against the hood of the vehicle  ,  stare mercilessly as paramedics sought to treat the girl she loves  .  so she’d submitted  .  let him drag her into the backseat  .  let him throw her against the cushions  .  watched through metal bars as she drove away  .  to arkham  .  to her home  .  

she’s not sure when she’s started trembling or stopped blowing bubbles  ,  not sure when linnea had gotten so CLOSE  ,  yet there’s a panic in her own effervescent eyes and the rascal wants so badly to reach out and grasp those fingers in her own but can’t  .  what’s the touch of an isley if not poisonous  ?  what’s the touch of a quinzel if not bloodied  ?  who could she be for linnea but a murderer  ,  not a saviour  ?  how could she ever be the hero the lance needed her to be  ?  ❝  ya didn’t let me down  ,  ❞  it’s a snap that’s unintended  ,  bitter not from linnea’s words but from the quinzel’s own misfortunes  .  ❝ you could nevah let me down  ,  linny  .  you’re th’a good one  ,  you’re th’a one who’s goin’ places  ,  who’s gon’ be doin’ good for this world  .  ya make everyone so proud’a you  .  ❞   even me  ,  she almost says  .  wants to say  .  instead she just lingers there  ,  with pleading eyes BEGGING for so much more than roe herself can give  .  

           she’s hyperfocused on the way roe’s body began to tremble, drowning in guilt again. linnea had done this to her, disrupted the bubbly blonde’s happiness by reappearing in her life. roe didn’t deserve the heartbreak, but she couldn’t just leave her like this. the pang in her own heart wouldn’t let her turn away. she could never turn away from roe unless forced and even then she’d be kicking and screaming if she could. ( but she couldn’t before. couldn’t keep them from throwing her girlfriend into the back of the car and taking her away to the hell hole that was arkham. ) so much for being a hero.

“You could ask around the computer science department,” Piper offered. “Oh, thanks.” She thought her powers were cool too, but people didn’t often comment on them. “You too,” she replied, a little warmer.

         “thanks, i’ll go over and ask tomorrow then.” she noticed how the girl seemed to be a little less cold than before, but didn’t comment on it. linnea was just glad that she hadn’t messed things up. “ if someone does try to steal your laptop and you need backup, just let me know. i got your back.”

she’s never felt a flame she’s enjoyed  ,  no halo of fire to encase her in its hellish aura without melting her whole and yet  ,  here she is  .  each of linnea’s touches  ,  gentle fingers on her cheek  ,  stain her with ash yet this feels not like death but rebirth  .  she’s learning fire’s not necessarily something to fear  ,  not in the sun or in the warmth of intimate touches between the unlikeliest of pairs  ,  but her complaints are instead absolved in a ministration of breathy kisses and a hoarse gasp  

 (   this is linnea lance  .  what the fuck are you doing  ,  krys  ?  she deserves better than you  .  so much better  .   ) 

❝  —- are you okay  ?  ❞  it’s butterfly lashes that flutter open but cold lips still linger mere inches away from linny’s  ,  and   —  fuck  ,  she’s beautiful  .  how had krys not realized it before  ?   —   hands made for murder but taught to love caress the lance’s waist gently  ,  thumb running over a patch of exposed skin  ,  taking her in  .   taking this  in  .   ❝  i just  – want to make sure  .   ❞