“they are strong. the strongest.” she nods, sharp teeth picking at the skin of her lips. “and he’s a good dad, i just — i hate the constant reminder that i left them like that.” it wasn’t one of her finer moments. barbara prided herself on being a good analyst, a tactician that made the right calls even under duress but..
the accident was different. the shock, the horror of everything that’d been done to her. the knowledge that she wasn’t even hurt for anything she’d done, but her wounds used as a tool against those closest to her… it had destroyed her. made her feel like the best thing for those around her was to be without her. that way, she couldn’t hurt them any more.
and so, she’d gone. didn’t want to risk her beautiful children becoming collateral damage for the trainwreck of her life, didn’t want to burden anyone else with more than they could bear.
still, she’d dug herself out of that hole eventually. realized that isolating herself wasn’t doing any good for her or anyone else. built herself a new life, a new team, and dinah had been the cornerstone she’d leaned on hardest.
she can’t help but laugh at dinah’s suggestion — they’d stopped using the comms when barbara moved to paragon and stopped running missions quite so often. “you sure you still want me in your head?” a smirk lifts her cheeks, and the weight on her shoulders seems to fizzle out. “would’ve thought you’d enjoy the freedom too much for that again.”
but dinah’s right. ( of course she is. ) the knowledge that her presence is wanted, that she can still help people is more than enough to bolster her emotions for now. “i’ll have some ready for you by the end of the week.”
❝ i know, ❞ dinah sighed. leaned a little against barbara because sometimes, in their history, it was just easier to be closer to each other. how many times has the black canary come back from a mission to collapse into the oracle’s lap and cry? ❝ and i won’t lie to you, babs. it doesn’t go away. not really. i still think everyday if it would’ve been easier for ollie and i to make things work until after linnea graduated high school. but that’s the thing ── if i had the chance to do it over again, i don’t think it would’ve changed anything. we had to split. and i think, knowing you, you know it’s the truth for you, too. ❞
for a moment, dinah closed her eyes. allowed the brief slip of control in her head to allow the pictures fluttering back into view. of barbara. dying. tortured. how HATEFUL dinah felt then. for a second, the canary had become one of those people who blamed batman. why haven’t you just killed him yet? and she had never been like that. always stuck by bruce’s side about keeping the joker alive. but when it came to barbara? what he had done to her? it was the one thing that broke her morals for a short time.
that laugh. it was all dinah needed to hear to lift her head back up and see the redhead smiling. knowing that everything would be okay. that barbara was still here and stronger than ever. so much for looking like a badass combat instructor in front of her students when she was literally gazing at her best friend like she had hung the stars in the sky.
❝ you know, i did enjoy the freedom. but then i noticed i started to make more mistakes in general without having you there for advice. made me realize that i need you. ❞