The awkward realization that life as you know it is about to change and, when you look around for something familiar: be it a face, an action, a location; there is nothing to be found. As I crossed the threshold into the body scanner, I knew what lay beyond its exit. In the short term: a small ramp down and what appeared to be one of my shoes that had fallen out of the containers rolling along the conveyer belt. Oops. Better grab that before it falls off altogether. In the long term: the opportunity of a lifetime and an adventure that had been my dream since day one of college. So why, then, was I suddenly so disoriented? Why was I suddenly feeling the sudden weight of half a year? 6 Months? Approximately 180 days?
I knew why as the command to exit the scanner registered in my brain and my feet unconsciously moved forward, my arm lifted my arm to reveal my necklace to the the guard which I refused to take off, and shuffled forward to retrieve my “overboard” shoe rolling along merrily on the wheels of the moving conveyer. I was suddenly, all at once, all alone. The moment I crossed the threshold of the scanner and my feet took me away from the screening area, I was completely by myself. Sigh. Well. The hardest part was over. From here on out it’s downstream right? In a daze, I walked down the stairs to the tram that would take me to my concourse.
I couldn’t help but re-imagine the silence I had just come from. My mom and brother had been the ones to accompany me to the airport. All of us knew at once that the time had come, but none of us knew what to say. Silently, we sat together pretending that the levied emotions were not about to burst forth, knowing full well that they would in a matter of minutes. At last my mom looked at her phone. Mine was out. I knew it was time. Before I left, we took a few pictures against a grey wall. Though a more festive backdrop would have brightened up the photos, I guess the grey was appropriate for this occasion. We took a picture of Brett’s and my height differences. 6 months is a long time for a budding teenager. When next I see him he could have hit a massive growth spurt. When next I see him, my little kid brother could have turned into my little man brother, and I would have missed his transformation!
We took a picture of my mom and I. When next I see her, she will have done a bit of traveling of her own, to far more dangerous areas of the world then the one I was voyaging to today. When next I see her she could be an entirely different woman after her experiences in South America. The future is a mystery.
I popped in my earphones to ease my mind. I began thinking of everything I was going to miss while I was gone in another world:
First and foremost would be my sister’s birthday, missed by 4 days. Last night would be the last night I would spend any quality time with her. She cut my hair, pleading with me not to fall in love while I’m away so that I come home. Begging me to come home to her and Ainsley.
Next would be my roommate’s 21st birthday. I think I will miss him a great deal. A year ago almost to the day, we were in his Jeep, speeding off to the west on the most spontaneous trip I have ever taken. It was on this trip that I think our friendship truly solidified. Sure we had lived together for a year and we are close friends, this trip made Steve and I brothers.
Then probably my niece’s second birthday is next. When I return she will be walking more than she does now, probably talking more clearly than the adorable baby language she is fluent in at present, and probably have hardly any idea who the mysterious man is that will enter her life claiming to be her Uncle. She has an uncle. His name is “Bretah” (Brett).
Dad’s birthday follows. I think out of everyone, he is the most worried about losing his only son to the alien land across the sea. The realization of why is a story for another time. I look back to the last time I saw him. I was in a rush to get back to Mom’s to finish my packing and spend time with her that I must have seemed impatient. He stalled as much as he could but I rushed him. I regret the short manner that I treated him with now.
Three days after my Dad’s birthday is my brother’s birthday. He turns 14 and continues the awkward journey into early adulthood. Though I would never admit it to him, he is one of the biggest reasons I chose a school so close to home. He is one of the main reasons I come home from school and I try hard to make sure I see him at least once every single visit. I’m proud of who he is becoming and I love him to death.
Birthdays aside are the lives of my family and friends I leave behind.
I look up. Somehow in my daze, I had arrived at Concourse C, bathroomed, and filled my water bottle. Now the wait for flight one of the journey. I checked my phone, noting the missed call and voicemail from Pops. I tapped redial before his voice could even say hello and was quickly greeted by his real hello. We talked about next years housing arrangements and what needs to be done while I am out of the country. He seemed to be avoiding the whole leaving bit, putting a focus on the edits I needed to make to the lease agreement I sent out to my roommates, and the various instructions I should let Jeff know. As that subject exhausted itself, he took a deep breath. “I know you must be getting tired of hearing this by now, but be careful. I don’t think I realize how much you have grown up and it’s beginning to hit home that you no longer are my little boy. I know you are completely capable of handling yourself, but I’m still going to worry. You’re my son. My only son.” At this point I was boarding the plane so we had to conclude our conversation. I sent my last goodbyes via text as the doors were closing and sat back to read.
The first leg of the journey was a short, hour and a half flight to Minneapolis. From there I had a brief layover, and by brief I mean no sooner had I left the plane, located my gate, and hustled over to it, had they began the boarding process for the next leg of my trip. I did, however, have time to call my Mom and brother back, letting them know I had made it safely. Our conversation ended as I arrived at the gate. The last noises I heard on the other end of the line were the suppressed sobs of my little brother as Mom took the phone from her and brought it down to hit the “end call” button. I turned the corner and found about 20 students arranged in front of the gate in a large circle. I walked over, recognizing a few faces from the Facebook page for our program. I introduced myself and took a seat next to a few of them. As it turned out, the majority of them would not be living remotely close to my destination. It seemed that CAPA had placed them all in a different house. Before any real conversation could begin, the call for boarding was announced. Time to go!
As I gathered my backpack and jacket, one of the girls began a conversation with me. Her name I don’t think I caught, but she also is a Finance major, taking 2 out of the 4 classes I have as well as an internship. I told her I guess I’d be seeing her on the other side as we entered the plane and she went in the direction of her seat. I found mine, stowed the bag, and whipped out my phone for one last bit of conversation before I left. I let people know I was safe and sound and in my seat for the next leg of the trip. The following is the final conversation between my dad and I after finding out that a girl had brought along a teddy bear as her travel companion:
Him: So you have a teddy bear to deal with huh. Maybe we can find your old Woody doll and send it to you... If she takes her teddy with her to the bathroom you’d better watch out...
Me: She might. Just to keep from teddy kidnapping. It’s rampant over the Atlantic I hear.
Him: TT. Teddy Terrorists.
Me: That is another fear that spreads, but that’s more over the Pacific with the radical suicide bombers ;)
Him: Only if it’s a Panda
Me: Oh touche. This one looks a more friendly brown. It’s even smiling. Although that can be deceptive... She’s hugging it so she trusts it at least...
Me: Heheh she is getting awfully comfortable with it isn’t she.
Him: Nothing quite like sleeping with the Teddy
Me: Oh? Do they swing both ways? Do you have experience?
At that point it was time to go. My last words to my father are asking him if he has experience in sleeping with teddy bears. Fantastic.
1649 words, a few pages of text, one movie, and some reading later, I find myself over the Labrador Sea. It’s 8 AM in London. I have about 4 hours left. What to do next? Perhaps it’s time to attempt some shuteye. As it were, I am alone in my row so I have full access to both seats. Time to try and get a little more comfortable. When next I type something, I will be in London! For better or for worse, it’s time to start the Journey of a Lifetime.
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