Aggressively Wanting A Nap.

but the worst part and what actually makes it impossible for me to just live like I used to nowadays... open, happy, excited, trusting.. is that I’m seemingly always the only one feeling things so deeply. never forgetting, always sending my gratitude, and never letting my love fade no matter the circumstances... while being forgotten, hearing no gratitude for the way things regarding me made life better for a while, and consistently realizing the type of love I always thought I was receiving from all these different wonderful people might have never even existed. people I would have never let my love fade for a day in my life had they not made that decision for me can’t even stand to be in the same room as me now. they avoid the things they’d normally do if there’s even any mention of me. I’ve got tons of friends and I love them to death... but I’m talking about something different. what about all that love I’ve been sending out for so long now? I feel these things genuinely, in fact I feel them so deeply that I crave it now. it’s what I was built for. to love. to understand. to create something beautiful. to show someone they’re my whole world in whatever fucked up universe we all landed in. why does it only ever bring me more sadness and messes to sort out in my own head in the end?

I can’t even find the words to describe how happy I am that this is real...

Here comes the years worth of messy journals and notebooks I have kept to myself... the hours, weeks, months I have spent pouring my every thought into the pages that have held my heart so beautifully over all this time... all in one whole entire book:

Endless Beauty in an Ending Dream

The poems, rants, and confessionals in this book are the pivotal fragments of my life; a representation of all of the times it has been picked apart just to be patched back together again. They are the words I spilled into piles of journals when I felt I couldn’t speak them out loud. I have collected here all of the pieces of myself I once thought were hopelessly lost and faced them head-on in hopes of walking away from them with a brighter outlook.

I hope this book helps to remind you that it is okay to hurt. We are allowed to express the heaviness and the happiness alike that we will each inevitably face through our lives. Balance is necessary with any instance of pain. We must remember we all deserve the healing that is right around the corner.

Through each word we share when we choose to open up to vulnerability and healing, our defining moments of grief and loss can grow into a new gratitude and hope for the future...

That is, as long as we maintain sight of the endless beauty in every one of our ending dreams.