Magic Eli

Navigating in this sea of tears,

Drowning in these waves of fears,

Heart racing trying to swim afloat,

Desperation as I can't see the coast.

The currents brought me this far,

I shouldn't have trusted the sea was calm,

Now air is missing from my lungs

has the tone of the intimate,

the warmth of my home,

the sweetness of the familiar.

But your voice

is also the echo of my longing,

the thrill of the adventure,

the excitement of the unknown.

My heart has known your voice forever

But I cannot reach the aim

And I keep falling short.

Though everyone tells me I can,

I cannot do otherwise but fail.

.

There must be something wrong with me,

Something I don't know about myself,

That keeps me from getting what I want

The warmth of a hug,

The sweetness of a kiss,

The beating of my heart

With you around me.

.

The spark of a caress,

The lust of a touch,

The look of your eyes

When they stare right through mine.

.

The simplest of things,

I'm not lucky enough to have,

Even though I've yearned for so long

To feel

I found myself smiling

At the smiling face of that girl;

That girl who has everything I could ever wish for,

And that I was never able to get.

.

I always thought I was envious of their love,

But when I saw her happiness portrayed

My eyes filled with tears,

And I smiled as well.

.

I realize I'm just happy for her,

Because even though she does not know of my existence,

And I barely know her name,

We share the same longing;

The love of that man.

.

The thing is that her smile is for love,

And mine for watching love from afar.

And all I could ever ask for

Again, that pressure on my chest;

Striking evidence

Of you, my old friend.

I would lie if I tell you I have missed you,

I was fine with you away.

I had forgotten what it felt like

To have you here around, in my head.

.

Here I am again,

Imagining I am in control,

But try as I may, I know

You will end up consuming

What is left of hopes and dreams

That moment of inexplicable pain

Burning in your chest;

Disbelief and astonishment,

Too hard to take it in.

You take a deep breath,

But still no tears are running down your face.

.

You just try to hold every piece of you together,

You refuse to let your dreams go,

When every hope has broken

Into a million tiny pieces,

Scattered on the floor.

.

Slowly, tears begin to arise,

As your feelings cannot be controlled anymore.

You cry your broken heart out,

You let your tears cleanse your soul.

.

But even when your tears have dried

After so much sorrow,

The pain in your heart

Does not seem to go;

You feel it utterly empty,

But it weights a lot.

.

All you can do

Is feel the all-consuming pain,

And you become numb,

Wishing you could rewind

And change what you have done,

In an useless attempt not to lose

What you have already lost.

.

Overwhelming sadness

That takes away your will to live,

You think you will feel this way forever,

But you have already started to heal.

.

However, when you believe you have recovered

Just one word will be enough

To bring every feeling back,

And make you wonder

If there is a more terrible feeling

Sparks happiness all around,

And of course I will keep holding on to this,

No matter how much it hurts.

.

Because your existence

Reminds me of everything I could never have,

But my heart refuses to accept

Are the ones that keep me up at night,

As a revenge, perhaps,

After my attempts to make them seem irrelevant

And live a beautiful lie.

.

They haunt me when I close my eyes,

Asking for release from the barriers

That I set on my mind,

Barriers to protect me from myself

Consuming silence

That makes thoughts louder

And feelings deeper.

I get carried away by the currents

Of this sea of emotions,

Sometimes turbulent,

Sometimes calm.

.

I want to experience silence,

As it brings the real me

To the surface.

The discovery of myself

Keeps me alive and breathing,

When this noisy world

That curse that is in your eyes

And only I can see

Everytime our eyes meet.

Deep inside of them,

Indifference and coldness hide.

It is in your gaze

That I meet that cruel destiny of mine.

.

But only after a long stare can I see,

That the curse is actually within me,

And I just see it reflected in your eyes,

They that look back at me

Deep in my heart

Loneliness has conquered,

Inhabiting here,

With absolute dominion over my hopes and desires.

.

My attempts to battle

Appear effective at first.

I become stronger

And loneliness seems to retrieve.

.

But never defeated it is,

As it prepares to launch a final attack

The second my guard is down,

Taking control of my life,

Flashes in your mind

In any unexpected moment of your day,

Like your face flashes in mine.

.

I just hope the sound of my name

Makes you wonder why

It feels so curious and funny

When you pronounce it aloud.

.

I just hope I

Disturb your day,

For you to ask yourself why

It is me and not her

What I fear the most

Are those thoughts I have at night

That resemble the ghosts

I was afraid of when I was a child.

When worries creep up my bed,

And loneliness sleeps by my side,

When sadness hidden waits

To grip my ankle

Me aleja de mí,

Se lleva mi escencia,

Y me deja allí,

Allí donde no importa lo que importa,

Donde lo que soy se esfuma,

Y lo que queda es la apariencia