Imagine youâre at a party. A guy offers you a drink. You say no. He says âCome on, one drink!â You say âno thanks.â Later, he brings you a soda. âI know you said you didnât want a drink, but I was getting one for myself and you looked thirsty.â For you to refuse at this point makes you the asshole. Heâs just being nice, right? Predators use the social contract and our own good hearts and fear of being rude against us. If you drink the drink, youâre teaching him that it just takes a little persistence on his part to overcome your âno.â If you say âReally, I appreciate it, but no thanksâ and put the drink down and walk away from it, youâre the one who looks rude in that moment. But the fact is, you didnât ask for the drink and you donât want the drink and you donât have to drink it just to make some guy feel validated.
The art of âno,â continued: Saying no when youâve already said yes. « CaptainAwkward.com
I love this post SO MUCH.Â
(via heavenearthandhoratio)
This is absofuckinglutely true. Predators deliberately find the women they can manipulate out of a ânoâ in order to pick the most vulnerable women to coerce. If you see a guy doing this to someone else, step the fuck in. Amplify her ânoâ if you see her struggling to assert herself to someone pushy.
Iâve done this for a total stranger. When I said âI think she said noâ he started acting sort of aggressive and told me to mind my own business, but she was looking at me with panic and when I asked if she knew him she said no. After it was clear I wasnât budging he left, and after he left she told me she had been uncomfortable and didnât know what to do, and that heâd grabbed her inappropriately.
Protect each other. Not everyone is able to voice a ânoâ firmly and repeatedly. Learn the skill and protect others who are still learning it.
(via thedatingfeminist)
