cultural minority, autistic, dermatillomaniac... oh and asexual

This morning,

I open my eyes to find only seven spoons

lying in a small, dented cup by my bed.

The world asks for twenty.

One spoon — just to sit up.

To blink against the ache in my joints,

to gather my breath and convince my heart

that gravity is worth the fight.

Two more — for a shower.

Steam curling over stiff shoulders,

the heat loosening nothing,

my hands heavy as wet towels.

One — to get dressed.

It takes all the grace I have

to pull fabric over skin

that burns at a whisper of touch.

Another — for breakfast.

Lifting the mug,

stirring the spoon,

pretending the taste matters more than the exhaustion in my jaw. 

One — for a phone call.

Because words weigh more than dishes,

and smiling through pain

Keeping up appearances 

is its own kind of heavy labor.

By noon, I am out of spoons.

The day still stretches,

hungry and demanding,

but my hands hold only air.

I borrow from tomorrow.

I always borrow from tomorrow.

And tomorrow will wake me

with fewer spoons in the cup.

HOWEVER, this year I bit the bullet and got started, and I'm being coached on how to make food that's GOOD - not just healthy but tasteful - and I'm being taught MEAL COMPOSITION. Balance colors, flavor profiles, TEXTURES, temperatures, freshness (e.g. fresh fruits and veggies vs something that's cooked), etc. Etc. it's so fun!! I love the thought and care it takes. I'm still following recipes but I'm being taught what goes together and WHY. It makes the table very full at mealtimes and it also means I'm cooking things I don't like, such as broccoli.

But then... y'know... I DO want to see how it turned out, right? So I try it. And it's always so good! (This is solely the work of my mentor but I'll be able to take credit someday haha) I'm honestly blown away by how good it is, even foods I don't usually like and wouldn't have otherwise tried! I'm having amazing experiences with it.

So not only am I eating well, I'm 1) ENJOYING it, 2) expanding my horizons in what I consume as well as in what I cook, and 3) I'm exploring how food is, historically and across cultures, a SOCIAL ACTIVITY.

Food is bonding. We have terms like "feed and breed" and "rest and digest" for a reason. Food puts us in mind to socialize, this is a BIOLOGICAL PROCESS for healthy humans.

If no, movement nudge! 🤸🏻‍♀️

That's fascinating! My family has always been very overwhelmed with just cleaning and we've never put much thought into decorating, either, so that's an aspect of homemaking I've never really explored before (even now, getting more into homemaking in general, since I still live at home and with a bunch of siblings and can't exactly commandeer common living spaces) or even thought much about.

But I can see how putting time and thought into how things are arranged and how they look and whatnot would make you feel more like a place is "yours"... Man now I wanna try it lollll.

When you talk to a random human, you're not looking for a culture clash, and them being autistic can blindside you. When you talk to an alien, though? You EXPECT them to be different. You ANTICIPATE having to be very niceys and polite and considerate so you don't offend the alien on First Contact. You PLAN to both have to compromise in weird ways to accommodate the other person's culture. And a robot, well, you have to accommodate them ALL the way because they're a robot! Very hard for them to get different programming!