take a fuckin sip, babes

we're deprived of fiction that caters to my specific niche fetishes

Ohhhh I see, so when YOU rearrange someone's guts its "Hot" and "Sexy", but when I do it, it's "medical malpractice" and "the act of a deeply disturbed individual"

just saw a chair so photogenic I had to reevaluate my feelings towards plastic furniture

I have one million bug due by Thursday or they’re gonna put me in the wood chipper

By TOMORROW!!!

Any time you get scolded for biting the hand that feeds you, a good chunk of the time they're not even fucking feeding you in the first place. They just think that you should feel like they are.

unconvinced i'll ever find "the vitamin" that makes me all better so i can get real work done but i do expect they'll elucidate whatever my deal was post-mortem, after which what i did manage to accomplish with my life will be regarded on the level of Beethoven composing despite being deaf or Gordon Ramsay cooking despite being british

Don’t put all your eggs in one victim

Put all your eggs in one victim. Do it. Stretch it out. Make it soooooo eggnant forever

gonna be honest i don’t know how many more ‘enter the 6 digit code we sent to your phone’s i got left in me

Never forget what they took from us.

Remember this the next time someone argues that raising the minimum wage will raise prices

I have one million bug due by Thursday or they’re gonna put me in the wood chipper