Zero

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Jake and Bradley secretly married. No one knows, not Nat, not javy, no one besides upper brass cause they kinda have to.

Jake talks about his non existent girlfriend so much people actually believe he has one. When they ask for a photo he totally doesn’t pull out a picture of him and Bradley from before the mustache. It’s dark and it’s obvious they are at a Halloween party. But it’s Jake and Bradley dressed as Morticia and Gomez and Bradley is obviously Morticia and he has a wig. Since the picture is so dark really hard to tell that it’s Bradley. So ever see that as proof as Jake has a girlfriend.

One day after the mission and shit, yes they still haven’t told people, everyone is asking when they are gonna meet his girlfriend. They are not letting up on this poor man. Bradley is off talking with Mav in the corner about the bronco so he has no idea what is going to happen.

Jake being Jake, is doing everything to get out of this conversation.

Mickey: come on when are we gonna meet her?

Javy: don’t get your hopes up I still haven’t met her and it’s been like 10 years.

Nat: that’s a little suspicious?

Javy: not really he’s always on the phone with her or texting her.

Jake: you know what, I’m gonna go outside and text my girlfriend.

Nat: sure you are gonna tell her to come and collect you?

Jake: you know what I might do? Might send her a nude.

The others: ………..

Bob snorts laughing cause he it’s a very hangman thing to say and he figured out that Jake and Hangman are two very different people.

Jake walks outside and comes back in a few minutes later looking smug.

Javy: what did you do?

Jake: just wait

A minute later Bradley’s phone pings, for some reason his ringer is loud and always on. The daggers pay no mind until they hear Bradley across the room.

Bradley: JAKE! WHAT THE FUCK! YOU CANT SEND SHIT LIKE THAT IN PUBLIC.

Everyone turns their head to look at a very flustered Bradley. Boy is reader than a tomato. And Jake, well, he looks smug as can be

Javy: no

Nat: you can’t be serious

Mickey: you sent Bradley a nude?

Halo: would that be considered cheating?

Jake: not cheating if you married him. Everyone meet my girlfriend who is really my husband.

He says this while walking over and grabbing Bradley by the waist and kissing his check. Bradley is mortified and Nat comes to a realization.

x

(thought of this while watching The Beekeeper (Jason Stathem movie, highly recommend!)

You guys know those action movies where The Bad Thing™️happens, and law enforcement and the feds can't seem to get a handle on it...

...so the Powers That Be call in this unassuming, freakishly serene dude out from like, the most innocuous place imaginable, like he's working as a farm hand on some old lady's farm, living in the room above her garage, cooking sauteed carrots he dug from the ground that evening, and he's got a pet cat that he swears he doesn't like but they watch Housewives of Beverly Hills together. And he gets this phone call from a cellphone that's buried in his underwear drawer, and it's just like this single, random sentence like "the crow flies at midnight," and he just sighs and slides his carrots off the stove and takes off to take care of The Bad Thing, because he's actually some vague agent of some secret branch of enforcement that not even the POTUS is aware exists, and he's this absolute kick ass killing machine that they only call in if they need The Bad Thing to be eradicated immediately, efficiently, and no-holds-barred on an international level.

What if that man was Bradley Bradshaw - codename Rooster.

What if, on his way to eradicate this Global Threat, he (quite literally) runs into loudmouth, pretty (petty! He totally meant petty!) cat burglar, talented hacker, and all-around mischief and mayhem creator Jake Seresin - aka Hangman (he really likes using ropes in his thievery). Rooster doesn't know him personally, but he knows his work and knows that while Hangman is a professional shit-stirrer, he's not really a Bad Guy, not his target, and is therefore off his radar (his professional radar... his personal radar is now quite another matter).

He'd seen the adorable idiot scaling the outside of the building from his vantage point, and Rooster was determined to keep his impressive streak of no civilian casualties, no matter how much of an insufferable dumbass that civilian was. And just as luck would have it, said insufferable dumbass just triggered the one alarm Rooster hadn't yet disabled.

Jake Seresin doesn't yet understand the gravity of the situation (he was just at the governor's mansion to rob him blind - nobody was supposed to get hurt, and who the fuck were all those scary guys suddenly chasing him with automatic weapons, and the mansion was most definitely not supposed to explode in a massive fireball), he just knows he's been (quite literally) swept clean off his feet by this tall-drink-of-water hottie in tactical gear and an oddly attractive mustache just seconds before he was about to be flambeed and/or shot to smithereens.

"S'pose you want me to thank you for that...poorly executed rescue attempt, huh."

"Attempt? Think I did a pretty good job under the shitty circumstances you created. And what I want is for you to shut up and let me stitch up that graze on your thigh before it becomes a problem."

"Oh, you think saving my ass is a one-way ticket into my pants? I'm not that kinda girl, Rambo."

"Y'know, you're giving me an awful lot of lip for somebody who was just shrieking in my ear at that high a pitch."

"Hell, it ain't every day an entire fuckin' SEAL Team's out to get little ol' me. I was just caught off guard, s'all. That was a... a valid reaction."

"Uh huh."

"...Wait, where're you going?"

"To the kitchen to finish cooking my carrots and wait for the blood loss to knock you out so I can get a little peace for a minute."

uhhhhhhh i got carried away. hope u like it anon 🫣

Saw the new spider and let me tell ya something…

Maverick feels sympathy as he watches Bradley march away in anger, to be so young and full of anger is a rite of passage for every child. And about dinner, no less.

He knows he's tiptoeing across Tom's last nerve, the man is infuriated from days of arguing with a child, missing his wingman and hobbling around with a broken leg. Yet, Pete Mitchell remains to be an unstoppable force vs an immovable object.

"So, no more Mister Nice Ice?"

Speed paint, high definition image and tags below