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"i hope death is like being carried to your bedroom when you were a child & fell asleep on the couch during a family party. i hope you can hear the laughter from the next room"
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deltarune fans are a really good example of a primarily queer fanbase about an explicitly queer game who somehow STILL manage to completely forget nonbinary people exist and are, in fact, nonbinary
i love both undertale And deltarune as games. there is a reason, however, that i will never. Ever. interact with the wider fanbase. and its because the fanbase sucks
[Image ID: Tags in the Cybernetic Tumblr theme that reads " #"transfem kris" "transmasc kris" how about NONBINARY kris. because they are NONBINARY. #applies to the knight also. i dont care who you theorise the knight "really" is. it uses they/it in the text. RESPECT THAT. " /END ID]
I recently was thinking about yet another really sad parallel between Spamton & Noelle, and this led me to think about Spamton’s storyline as a whole, and how it will ultimately end.
(content warning for vague discussion of suicidal thoughts. this post does start off sad, but ends on a hopeful note.)
The Noelle/Spamton parallels began in ch2, with Noelle’s wish to “grow big angel wings and fly far away” being similar to Spamton’s wish to become NEO and reach Heaven, as well as Noelle’s struggle to break free from being controlled (by Queen, and symbolically, Carol), and in Japanese, she even says that being a puppet will never make her happy.
On the weird route, Noelle’s manipulation by us as an almost god-like entity also mirrors the manipulation & control Spamton’s benefactor had over him in the past, and on this route, both of them ultimately accept that they’ll never truly be “free.” They settle for the strings, and for violence — LOVE — instead of true freedom & love.
Noelle's desire to "grow wings and fly out of this stupid town, to somewhere no one’s ever been before," to escape from a life of "watching herself through glass," also represents the desire to end her own life— and this parallels Spamton's desire to reach “Heaven,” somewhere no Darkner has ever truly been, and to escape the unreality of the Dark World & the body that he’s been forced into.
This really solidified for me something that I’d been thinking about for a while— that Spamton's storyline & escaping the dark was allegorically about suicide as well, and he very likely had similar thoughts to Noelle about ending his life at times.
And honestly, it does make sense that Spamton would feel that way in the situation he was in; he was left with nothing, homeless & severely disfigured after being manipulated and used by an entity with an unfathomable amount of power over him. He then got abandoned & blatantly ignored by everyone he'd ever cared about (while Swatch even continued to sell his old products & gave him none of the income), despite trying to call his friends for help so many times that his voice ran out. There’s also dialogue that implies he was regularly physically harmed by others while homeless; he had to "get it through his head" that no one was ever going to help him.
The one Spamton trusted enough to risk everything for in the first place (despite the fact he had no real reason to except that he genuinely wanted to, as he already had a deal that guaranteed his own personal success, which he knowingly broke to share it all with Tenna), the person who mattered most to him — the one who, unknown to Spamton, actually would've helped him at his lowest — Spamton was left believing that he’d never really cared, and that he had abandoned him too (though, as we can clearly tell from Tenna’s own account, this isn’t true; he never wanted Spamton to leave him, and he’s been deeply anguished about it since).
Spamton and his dream of being “big together” with Tenna were both utterly broken— and so was his heart, quite literally, as we can see during the SNEO battle. (And of course, if Spamton was also constantly paranoid about FRIEND(s) tracking him down, I'm sure that certainly didn't help his mental state.) This line isn't all that subtle about his state of mind, either.
Spamton’s goal was literally to "escape the dark and reach Heaven" by ascending to another realm of being, because his existence as a Darkner had done nothing but cause him pain in the end. I really wouldn't be surprised at all if Spamton at least occasionally had thoughts about ending his own life, but kept himself going with his goal of becoming NEO, and maybe someday, finally getting to see the sun. Flying.
Spamton’s dreams may seem out of reach now, but I do truly believe Spamton will be getting his own happy ending on the pacifist route for many reasons, especially considering how much Toby Fox clearly adores (and relates to) this character. I recently came across a post (which I unfortunately can’t find now) that just made me even more certain; I had forgotten about Toby saying this, but reading it again now made me think…
The post I saw pointed out that Toby uses the language of Deltarune here— specifically the language related to shadow crystals, which are literally lost/broken dreams.
That along with the references to wings and flying immediately made me think of Spamton. “Watch me fly” is literally the last thing he says during the SNEO battle before he’s cut down.
(more under the cut)
Toby has a disability that keeps him from accomplishing his dream — making Deltarune — in the way he originally intended to, and he’s had to accept that he needs help from others to fulfill that dream, but working collaboratively has led to wonderful things that have made Deltarune even better. Spamton is a canonically disabled character (and not even just with his speech impairment & implied chronic pain as a puppet; from the beginning, he was never able to function “properly” as an Addison & make sales like he was expected to because of his nature as a spam email, which automatically gets routed to the spam folder & ignored. Being unable to work and make a living because of his nature is quite literally a disability— and as someone who’s disabled myself, this is one of the reasons I personally relate to Spamton so much). Spamton had to get outside help to accomplish his dream of being a Big Shot— although, he unfortunately ended up depending on an entity who was ultimately only manipulating and using him as their puppet. An entity who ended up forcefully separating him from the person who actually would’ve helped him after his downfall, if he was given the chance to.
But, like Toby said, just because it feels like you’ll never leave the ground again, that doesn’t make it true. You can still fly. Just as Toby has friends and a team who are helping him achieve his dream, Spamton has people in his corner now who care, and do actually want to help him: the Fun Gang, who showed him mercy at his lowest, and all relate to and parallel Spamton in different ways, and Tenna, who is so clearly not even close to over what happened, who deeply regrets letting Spamton go, who is still talking about how much he cared for him & wishes he’d never left, even now— just as Spamton is still wondering why Tenna threw away what they had, and is overjoyed to find out that Tenna really does care. Neither of them would’ve left each other behind if given any other choice.
The person who shared a dream with Spamton, who wanted to be big WITH him; whose dream also fell apart when Spamton left— a dream that both of them still have.
Who was giving Spamton true advice on showmanship that he still seems to try to use now, instead of just artificially increasing his sales.
Who is the only other Darkner to express a desire to be able to see the sun.
Who’s felt like he’s just been playing pretend ever since Spamton left.
Who is also deeply lonely, has the same fears and insecurities, & has exactly the same wish underneath everything to just have friends, and to be truly wanted & cared for. Susie is directly paralleled to Tenna with her speech to him in ch3, as Noelle is paralleled to Spamton in ch2– but Tenna clearly isn’t the only one this applies to.
“Intentionally similar characters who mutually enhance each other,” as Toby himself called Spamton & Tenna.
And like Noelle on the pacifist route decides she doesn’t need to escape anymore because she found Susie — because she found some of the freedom she was looking for through love — maybe something similar can happen for Spamton & Tenna.
When I think about all of this — about finally flying with the help of people who care about you, achieving dreams you thought had slipped away forever, about finding true freedom through love, about deciding you don’t need to run anymore, about writing your own endings, defying fate, & hope being at the core of Deltarune — I do think, if we make the right choices, Spamton will get his wish in the end, and he’ll “live for himself and his friends this time.”
@grey-auras adding your tags, these are great additions. Putting your faith in others & relying on them is such a big part of Deltarune, and I love that. Spamton has hope that the kids will break their own strings and his purpose (for now) has become giving them the strength to do that, Gerson believes that Alvin can continue his story if he gives himself a chance, Kris puts all their trust in Susie... Everyone needs some help from others to fly.
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
✓ Live Streaming✓ Interactive Chat✓ Private Shows✓ HD Quality✓ Free Actions
Free to watch • No registration required • HD streaming
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