∘∙Blacklight District∙∘

Now he's thinkin' 'bout me every night, oh Is it that sweet? …I guess so Say you can't sleep, baby, I know That's that me espresso

The distress is genuine. Those are real tears. That person is, truthfully, just as distraught as they appear to be. What they're lying about is why.

For example, let's say their partner broke up with them because they did something hurtful to that partner. Destroyed something of theirs, harmed one of their loved ones, or just said one too many insulting things to them, etcetera. Whatever it was, their hurtful action is what prompted their now-former partner to leave them. They are genuinely distraught by this. They miss this person, they are upset that they are no longer in their life, they're sad and angry that they left.

But what they tell you is "My partner left me for someone else. They cheated on me, and threw me away out of nowhere to go be with that other person! After I've done nothing but love them so much! How could they abandon me like this? Why? Why? Why don't they love me anymore? It hurts!"

Real effect: They are anguished about their ex dumping them. False cause: That ex did not dump them for someone else, they dumped them because they felt hurt and/or offended by their behaviour.

The distressed person is lying to you about the cause of their distress, because what they want from you is sympathy. They want to be consoled, they want their sadness and anger to be validated. They want to hear "Your ex is horrible, you didn't deserve that," not "You did deserve that, you did something wrong and you need to apologize to that person and change your behaviour." Their ego has been wounded by their ex no longer wanting to be with them, and they want you to soothe that bruise.

This is a manipulation tactic that will not be intuitively apparent to you, especially if you are not aware that this person has a habit of lying. Their emotional distress is so convincing because it is sincere, the lie is only in what they are claiming has caused it. Furthermore, this can actually get way more complicated than the example situation I just gave -- somebody who is doing this may not necessarily just slightly twist the details of a real, preexisting situation, they can also just make up an entirely fake one. Something that has nothing to do with why they are upset.

Maybe they're mad that they made a slightly embarrassing mistake at work, and got giggled at by a coworker about it. If they don't want to slander that coworker for some reason, or they don't want to admit to having made the embarrassing mistake in order to explain what prompted the laughter, whatever, then they may just tell you someone at the supermarket called them a slur. Because that will still have the intended effect of motivating you to say something along the lines of "Wow, you were wronged by that other person, how dare they look down on you, they should not have expressed contempt for you." It was a completely fake story, but it still prompted you to offer the distressed person the specific type of emotional validation and placation they were wanting.

Anatomy practice for an AU design, bro is a demon here.

It was a goddamn CHALLENGE to figure out how to blend humanoid and insectoid anatomical elements in a way that actually kind of made any sense. He's got, like...buggy exoskeleton plates just below his skin, and so it's gotta have enough slack to it to stretch over all of that without constantly tearing whenever he moves. Hence the loose skin piling up a little bit in the gaps between the plates, like around his joints. And humans move pretty drastically differently than bugs, they've got a way broader range of motion to account for, so biological armor plate configuration's gotta not interfere with that flexibility. I felt like I was trying to design a literal suit of combat armor, which is not something I have ever had any reason to do before so this is probably like 85% bullshit.

Fun fact, there's not even anything graphic underneath the Censorship Mantis. It just didn't feel right to not put it there anyway, primarily because it was funny.

There is a particular type of manipulative asshole who thinks "God, that person is amazing. I bet they think they're better than me. I'll show them who's better, I'll make them want me, not the other way around." They're trying to flip the power script, by reversing who they perceive to be "chasing" who; they feel you have power over them, because you have something they want [It's you. They are attracted to you.], and that makes them viscerally uncomfortable, if not angry. So, they're going to start trying to play nonchalant, like they're maybe not so interested in you, while trying to get you to wanna chase their approval and affection.

And they're gonna do this by basically sending you a lot of "Maybe I want you...maybe. Convince me." signals. They're gonna start saying shit like "You look lovely tonight, but." Giving you compliments that seem somewhat halfhearted, and have a criticism hook buried in them. "You look lovely tonight, but your updo is a bit sloppy, but that style of dress doesn't quite flatter your figure, but those pants are really letting the whole world know you're still trying to lose those stubborn 5 pounds, huh." Etcetera. Ultimately, the sentiment always boils down to "You're acceptable, I'm alright with you, but...you could be better. You're not amazing." There's always gonna be this little lingering implication that you're barely worth their time, you're merely adequate, and if you're not careful, someone better than you could come along and they'll ditch you for the "upgrade" in a heartbeat.

They may even overtly compare you to others. Saying things like "See, look at that beautiful woman over there, she makes that colour work so well, THAT'S how you wear it," or "Look at that guy, that's a REAL man, taking such good care of his girl and buying her such nice things. Oh, when was the last time you bought me something that nice?"

If they're heavy-handed and bold enough, they might even directly say shit to the effect of "You're an ugly slob, you're never gonna find another partner half as good to you as me. You're so lucky I put up with you, I feel BAD for you, I take care of you out of pity, so would it kill you to show me a little more gratitude? You can't do better than me, but I can sure do better than you, so don't get cocky and push your luck."

In any case, the goal is to make you afraid that you are undesirable, and that it's a stroke of incredible good fortune that they've decided to give you a chance anyway. They're trying to compel you to prove yourself, to feel like you endlessly need to "make up for" the slew of flaws you supposedly have. They'll disparage your looks, your abilities, your intelligence, any positive trait you have -- the better they think it is, the more desirable they think it makes you, the harder they will attack it. They'll go straight for your greatest strengths and assets first, because those are the biggest threats to them.

They aren't doing this because there's actually anything wrong with you. They aren't trying to help you improve; every suggestion they make, every criticism, if you actually take it to heart and try to change yourself for them...they'll just move the goalposts and quickly find something else to criticize you about. The point is not to improve you, to build you up. The point is to tear you down. They want you to believe you are worthless, so you'll believe you aren't capable of doing better than them, so you will pursue them, since they're offering to basically pity-date you anyway.

This is a matter of their own self-esteem. They're treating you this way because they think it's the only way they can attract and keep a partner -- if that partner doesn't think they reasonably can or should leave them. They try to make their partners feel trapped, with no better options than to stay with them. I'm not speculating, I've heard some people directly admit to this. "I need someone who thinks they need me, because otherwise they'll think they're too good for me and they'll leave." I've heard people directly confess that they want their partners to feel like they're ugly, gross, burdensome, or otherwise undesirable, so they don't think they'll have a chance at scoring a different partner who isn't just graciously pitying them. I have watched those same people immediately start attacking the positive traits of anyone they find attractive, like "Oh...what an awkward body type...but I think they're kind of cute anyway. Oh, what a loud, annoying voice, but it's okay, I've put up with worse. Oof, what a sloppy haircut, but I don't mind. Aww, they think they're so clever, it's so cute...because they're actually kinda dumb." These people get genuinely giddy and giggly about the idea of making someone else feel beneath them, so they can then swoop in like angel and "save" them. It's gross.