YOU CAN FIND ME IF YOU REALLY LOOK

when like 3 people within 50 feet of each other see an animal & ur all like “oh yo an animal” thats what being a human is all about

If I get at least one thing done in a day I’m a genius if I get two things done I’m a god

i like astrology bc im a self indulgent narcissist and reading about my chart makes me feel like im being seduced with how well it knows me

emotionally? the year is 1875 and i have tuberculosis

me: [vibrating slightly because I had too much caffeine] everything in the world is my fault

*steps out onto balcony* where are my fans at

let’s be friends with benefits. the benefits? you get to be friends with me

The fact that I’m legally an adult is hysterical

The only thing that’d be more potentially embarrassing than my internet history would be my calculator history, a chronicle of all the painfully simple math I couldn’t manage to do in my head.

parents: why don’t you do anything me: minimalism