Locomo

girlfriend looks over my shoulder and sees that im on a twitter account named "The Toy That Plays Back" and my profile pic is a a jack in the box with angry eyebrows posting stuff like "How about we play with YOU for a change" and "Us Toys hate being played with"

it's punk to lay eggs

dreamt that walmart was doing some kind of sale where they partnered with a company called "freevaginaphotos.com" and when i bought something they also printed out a picture of someones vagina and gave it to me

you do not get to destroy other peoples bodies

thank you for reminding me, i was about to destroy someones body until i saw this

Languages tend to peak at their word for butterfly. Never seen 2 that are the same, either. Papillon. Mariposa. Borboleta. Fluture. Vlinder. Schmetterling. Pillangó. Babochka. Farfalla. Sommerfugl. Perhonen. Farasha. Titali. Chōchō. Nabi. Húdié. Buom buom. Great job guys, i really mean it.

"biblically accurate" is such a pet peeve of mine like it means nothing and don't remind me the bible exists thanks

most people watch the x files because they either want to see aliens or watch mulder and scully kiss. coincidentally the x files is a show that is well known for avoiding showing us aliens at all costs and also not letting mulder and scully kiss.

yes this is the show about aliens with the two fbi agents who are definitely in a situationship. no we're not going to show you aliens no we're not going to show you whatever the fuck is going on with mulder and scully. that's none of your business actually.

x files statistically more likely to show you aliens than to show you mulder and scully kissing. really its a testament to the importance of work/life balance when you really think about it. oh, you wanna know why mulder has the key to scully's apartment? you wanna know why scully's sleeping over at mulder's house? frankly none of your business. lets talk about those little alien costumes. are nt the little alien costumes soo sillay.

Is there a reason they are all about water or apples

complete accident.

Are you sure you aren’t a horse

trots away from you....

they gotta invent shoplifting for online shopping

Credit card fraud , gift card hacking, piracy of you believe big companies

i want a button on the checkout page that says "ship without payment" that they make you promise not to click

i don’t understand what this post is saying, why would i be leaving the theatre with uneaten turkeys. where did i get them from. what the fuck was i talking about.

You don't understand your own post?

i don’t understand anything

okay not to be mean but i am actually sick of avatar the last airbender. like just casually sick of it. 20 years of this shit has done it. like can we all please move on to other pieces of fiction, both individually and societally.

bro is haunted by the ghost of his unconsummated love 😂

bro didn't realize that torturing his and her descendants in the name of revenge would scare the hoes