as if death itself was undone

I'm somewhere around the aromantic spectrum (I haven't found a term I like completely tbh) so crushes really don't come easy for me?

Not for the lack of effort or finding the right person, because my heart does get full of love, but that love never really breached into the romantic one 100% (It's always been in fractions). It simply feels like I haven't found the key to that door yet, but I'm also equally not in a rush to find it either, and quite okay leaving it closed in the meantime.

It's only in my dreams that I get a view on what's on the side, what that love can be like, and often, I just let it play out because I'm acutely aware that it's like any other story I read about (and it's made easier because, even in my dreams, I'm not even the main character? I'm experiencing someone else's love via a character, a concept, or even a different type of me that is not really the real me.)

Dreams are safe after all; they only leave one with thoughts of "what ifs" and lingering emotions that wake me up aching and believing in an idealized love, since dreams do tend to lean heavy what they want you to feel.