sharks don't have vocal cords

generative AI - bad evil AI. chatbots, LLMs, image generators, etc. this the one that steals shit.

analytical AI - helpful medical AI. this the one that helps detect cancer early.

He did a wonderful job, but as he was returning my plant to my custody, he explained "I watered her every other day, I gave her new dirt, moved her into the sunshine, prayed the rosary-"

"What?"

He looked at me, confused. "Isn't she a plant you pray with?"

"No," I said slowly. "She's a prayer plant. That's the... colloquial name of the plant."

Upon seeing his stricken face, I realized something went wrong. Turns out, this entire time, he's been including my plant in on his prayers and leaving her near icons.

Behold, Dorothea

He turned to me, sighed, and said in a very deadpan tone-- "Plants don't have covenants, Joy,"

Highlights include:

For your first two years (when you were small) you lived in a foster home with people who raised you into a very polite young man. Two is like you plus me, that's what two is.

Some people adopted you before me and they called you Timmy (which is a stupid name) and they returned your ass almost immediately because you were so annoying at that age.

Like think about how annoying you are right now at seven years old, but way worse.

I'm better than them though, I don't call you Timmy and I wore earplugs to bed for three years because you love to scream at bedtime. Earplugs are like when I roll over and go back to sleep even when you are yelling so so so loud.

I got you at a time in my life when I was really sick (being sick is like when I'm up late because I'm throwing up and you are a very handsome good boy who sits with me) and they had to put me asleep for a procedure. A procedure is like what happened to you when they put you asleep and took your balls away.

fruits and vegetables shown in a cornucopia is a highly common visual symbol, especially in the states around thanksgiving. rich old men are commonly portrayed with monocles in cartoons.

it's pronounced "chick." it's pronounced "berenSTEEN" and someone probably read it to you more than you read it yourself. It's pronounced Oscar "MAI-yer" and you probably remember the jingle more than the logo. It's pronounced "fuh-BREEZE" and you barely look at the logo even when you use it. you assumed it was looney toons because they are cartoons. you assumed there was a dash in kit kat because it sounds like a word that could be hyphenated. it's pronounced FRUIT loops.

you conflated the black on Pikachu's ears with his tail

"jiffy" is a word while jif is not + "skippy" is another common peanut butter brand

curious george is a chimp and thus would not have a tail but a child might assume all "monkeys" have tails

FISTS YOU

>look inside

we were both sitting there attaching different shelves to each other at maddening angles with impossibly small wrenches that made the whole process deliriously tedious when he said “we never had toys like this where I come from.”

i said, “In England?”

He said, with a soft sadness, “yeah.”

I said, “what kind of toys didn’t you have? kitchens? wooden?”

“Good quality. Nice toys. Almost no one had toys at all.”

I’ve been to England and seen toys, you understand. But I thought maybe he came from a background I didn’t know. I said, “Yeah, I grew up in a place where a lot of toys kids used were old and broken."

He said, "No, you don't understand; toys were illegal in the EU when I was a child."

I stopped screwing the stupid wrench.

"No, they were not."

"Yes, they absolutely were, really. It's true."

I said, "You're like, what? 4 years older than me?"

He shrugged.

I said, "My friends in the EU have all played with toys."

He nodded, "Black market."

I had no idea what to say. I knew he was lying, but I couldn't imagine the ends.

I said, "Ok. Well, sorry that happened to you."

We both started fitting more pieces together in silence, when I looked to the right and saw another donation box full of wooden building-blocks.

I said, "Oh! Blocks are so fun!"

He looked at the blocks sadly and said, "Is that what they're called? We called them turf. Because we used small cuts of turf. I've never seen real blocks."

I put down the stupid shelf and said, "WHAT are you TALKING about?"

"I already told you, toys were-"

"That's not true! That's patently not true! Toys were not illegal in England—in the EU—in the nineties!"

I realized I was being very loud and the receptionist was looking at us, so I stopped.

He said, softly, "We didn't play, either."

I rolled my eyes and said, "Oh, what did you do then?"

He kept working and said with a total casualness that enraged me, "Toiled, mostly."

I said, "OH my god!"

Then a nurse interrupted us both. He said, "Excuse me. Your child's appointment is done."