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bless my beautiful tranny life

i don't think bodily autonomy for minors should be a luck of the draw type thing where you have to cross your fingers that your parents are chill about it.

They should let you vomit a black sludge and when you are done you feel better about yourself. Also the black sludge forms into an evil clone you can make out with.

I think for a lot of people “I am completely helpless and powerless” and “I am completely powerful and in control” are both basically comforting fantasies because most of us live our lives in an in between place where we have enough agency to be responsible for our actions but not enough agency to have true control over our lives and the tension between power and powerlessness in the day to day is psychologically wearing and exhausting

scientists have recently announced that exoplanet HR 3499a is no longer believed to be potentially capable of supporting life, after new spectroscopic readings indicated that it doesn't even have a dishwasher. "i mean, it doesn't even have a fucking dishwasher," said the lead researcher. "I guess you could live there, but, like, would you really want to?"

kids were roleplaying with minecraft figurines and one of them had their figure go up to the other and say “i’m in love with you” and the other one replied “sword slash to the chest. and you’re on fire”

being loved properly for the first time will have you saying dumb shit like “thank you for respecting my boundaries” “thank you for listening when I talk” omg. 🫣

aren't gorillas gentle giants or something. i stay out of his way, he doesn't maul me, we have a nice time picking out clothes together in opposite sides of the mall

Male gorillas are super aggressive and territorial. Also they interpret nearly every human mannerism as a sign of aggression or a challenge. Smiling and eye contact are both things that zookeepers have to be taught to suppress when they’re in the vicinity of gorillas.

This is all irrelevant because the obvious answer is five black mambas. I mean, that’s not actually very many snakes, and malls are fucking huge. And unlike a gorilla you can definitely outrun a snake if it does show up. Find an open space in the mall where you can see any snake coming and just hangout out there. Fucking easy.

They should substitute "chimpanzee" for "gorilla" in this hypothetical.

if it was a chimp i'm taking the fucking snakes

Black mambas have a reputation build on being very venomous and very fast. I'm not sure why you would think you could outrun one (or five) in an enclosed space like a mall.

Malls usually have pretty slick floors, and escalators. I’d choose the gorilla simply because I think that would make an more interesting story (and a better-selling autobiography, I Survived the Mall Gorilla) but I think I’d stand a pretty good chance at avoiding the mamba. They’re fast and aggressive and will chase you but unless we started immediately beside each other I think my sneakers would have the terrain advantage over scutes.

fucking enamored with the implication that this gorilla is fully intelligent but is trying to manufacture plausible deniability like the movie barnyard

When I grow up I want to be a molecule

love your neighbor or die alone asap honestly

listen if a friend of mine transitioned and looked like me i would not be mad. i would not be asking questions. we would have other business to attend to