help

The feeling burrowed beneath the trenches of my skin

It's been troubling trying to decipher my true feelings within consideration of my mortality. Peace or fear? Is it easier to know that one day this will all be fucking over or harder knowing that one day you will inevitably mean nothing and be nothing?

And even with a thousand soles on my doorstep, this house would still fall bare. A sole for a soul could never be a fair trade. Oh, how a bottomless pit weighs full from a view that plays a blinded game. Wallow in the walls whose company can only be shared through a passing sun; to only find warmth in fading light.

I hate knowing there are foreign feelings existing within me like warfare. Knowing I'm tethered to only remnants of ghost memories. Past tense muscles that don't project behind my eyes. The idea is troubling that I am one of all of me. How they died, but live in every mannerism and every thought. The skins been shed just to step into a new day with every old me.

"How do I float on this sinking feeling? The way wet pavement meets the warmth of an aging sun. Somehow stuck in every 'temporary' that they exist all at once."

"Burnt out from life, but they're still expecting my light."

why do the people who’ve done the most damage get to leave that behind them like a dark past, but the damaged have to continue to live in the rubble?

“You can’t tell, but i’m falling apart. Starting from my thoughts to my toes.”

“What do you do when you realize you’re a coward? When you realize your anxiety has chains around your ankles and wrists. When you can’t breathe past the fear, so you hold your breath until the problem’s gone. Will I ever be a person again?”

“I can never see past this moment in my life. It feels like I’ll always be this way. Decades could pass and I’ll still be right where this moment left me.”

“the head i have floating above my shoulders is heavy. i walk with the weight of my thoughts dangling above my nose. it feels like any second i will sink through cement like quick sand”

Eternity is a long time

“I live in my head because there I have courage. There I don’t get scared. There I am free.”

“I sit in the same bubble I always have been. Watching the world’s reflection bounce off of it in front of my eyes. Waiting for the day I’m brave enough to break out of it.”

“No one ever tells you that even the things you want the most can scare you too.”

“I wish the life I live in my head wasn’t so hard to obtain in real life.”