queen of hearts

today i just (remembers to maintain privacy online) did something really cool. you have to trust me

dude stop before i develop a strange and powerful fondness for you

Fuck small talk.  Let’s talk about how your day was, the weather, or the big game last night.

imagining a universe where porn is a marketable genre so you have to deal with raycon ads while trying to jerk your shit

You’re an easy slut, aren’t you kitten? Almost as easy as dinner with Hellofresh

oh noo I don’t have any money to pay for the pizza, next time I’ll use rocket money to find unused subscriptions and track my spending

inshallah he will be drank

you think that you're so alone in the world then you read literature from hundreds of years ago and you realize that other people have always felt this way

beautiful bisexual people we must keep going

we. We Have To

me to the accursed whispering amulet: hey can you speak up please i have an audio processing disorder

You guys would like my posts a lot more if you had my exact life experiences and internal monologue

I have GOT to stop spending $30