BO BURNHAM: MAKE HAPPY SENTENCE STARTERS.
āyou should not laugh.ā
āyou should not forget about your problems.ā
āthe world is not funny.ā
āi have no idea whatās going on over there.ā
āwhat are they fighting about?ā
āi canāt wrap my mind around exactly why iām here.ā
āyou wanna be happy, well, get in line.ā
āi love the idea of you.ā
āthat wasnāt clever, just mean.ā
ādo not give those dumb fucks any credit.ā
āhonestyās for the birds, baby.ā
āwhy is there a little boy living alone down the lane?ā
āam i the only one concerned for this little boy?ā
āif youāre writing honestly, thatās art.ā
āthatās textbook pandering.ā
āthatās a scarecrow, thought it was a human woman, sorry.ā
āi hope youāre feeling me subtextually.ā
āthe boots iām wearing cost three grand.ā
āyou donāt know what land youāre in.ā
ātheyāre lying and manipulating you.ā
āyou deserve better.ā
āthank you, weird man. bye.ā
ācultureās over, everybody, we lost.ā
āhow dare they think them fucking around is worthy of your attention?ā
āyeah,Ā āwhooā that sadness out.ā
āif you want love, lower your expectations a lot.ā
āif heās got a thing for feet, say, fuck it, sweep me off them.ā
āyou might think your dickās a gift, but i promise, itās not.ā
ābut deep down we know we donāt deserve it.ā
āwe all deserve love, even on the days we arenāt our best.ā
āoriginal doesnāt mean good.ā
āwhy are you holding a jar of mayonnaise?ā
āi have to clean it up because youāll only mess it up more if you do.ā
āflaming hot cheetos are not for pussies.ā
ātheyāre not sponsoring me, iām just trying to get them to.ā
ādo not stick with me through thick.ā
āif i stop entertaining you, kick me to the curb.ā
āman, if only i was anybody else at all.ā
āi went through a pretty rough breakup recently.ā
āwe shouldnāt fight to stay together just to fight again.ā
if you donāt like this dick sitch, eat a dick, bitch.ā
āi try to speak to you but you donāt listen.ā
āhonestly, are you fucking five?ā
āiām saying how iām feeling and youāre sayingĀ āeat a dickā over and over again, does that seem mature to you?ā
āiām hurt and iām trying to hide it.ā
āi thought we had a future together.ā
āi didnāt think youād cry for me.ā
āi thought you were lashing out in anger but now i see youāre scared.ā
āmaybe we can work this out and not break up.ā
āyou think three lousy tears offsets three years of shit?ā
āyouāre not what i need, hon; lick this clit then leave, son.ā
āiāve got lots of shit to say.ā
āi canāt fit my hand inside a pringle can.ā
āyou think you can, i know you canāt.ā
āirony can be so painful.ā
ādude, you shouldāve warned me.ā
āhalf the shit inside my burrito spilled out.ā
āi wouldnāt have got the _______ if i knew it wouldnāt fit.ā
ātruth is, my biggest problemās you.ā
āi wanna please you but i wanna stay true to myself.ā
āa part of me loves you, a part of me hates you.ā
āi donāt think that i can handle this right now.ā
āif you hated it, thatās fair.ā
āon a scale of one to zero, are you happy?ā
āi really wanna try to get happy.ā
āi wouldnāt even want it if i got it.ā
āoh god, my dad was right.ā
āyouāre everything you hated, are you happy?ā