NO MONEY, NO HONEY

“Why didn’t her step family recognize her?” Because royal balls were basically the candle lit equivalent of clubbing in terms of both lighting and sheer numbers. Even if they were right next to her, they probably wouldn’t get a good look, especially since it would have started after sundown. Also, she was the help; they probably hadn’t looked at her in years.

“Looking for someone based on their shoe size is stupid!” See above.

“Was he going to have every size seven in the kingdom try the slipper on?” Prior to industrialization most garments were made by hand to fit the buyer’s measurements, including shoes. It’s why poor people only had one pair. It’s a lot smarter when you consider that they would’ve fit her like a glove.

“You can’t run down stairs in heels!” I know this is a misconception resulting from historical revisionism and disneyfication, but high heels were not originally women’s shoes. They were worn by men. Women wore slippers, which were basically ballet flats. So it’s debatable.

“Glass shoes don’t make any sense!” Okay first of all, it’s called the suspension of disbelief, and secondly, they’re gold in every other version but Perrault decided to change them to something else expensive.

What this means is, that ever single one of the following

Jack Be Nimble (who jumped over burning candles for fun)

Jack the Giant Killer (who sold his cows for magic beans then robbed and killed a giant)

Stingy Jack (who tricked the devil so many times he was banned from both afterlives)

Jack of Jack and Jill (who splattered his head open falling down a hill)

Jack o’ Lantern (the headless horseman spirit of halloween)

Jack Frost (the spirit who heralds the end of autumn and the start of winter)