Inspired by insanity

We did throw that Fortnite party! It ended up scaled down because the birthday boy had to withdraw from school so we kept it family only. But I set up a scavenger hunt all over town, so DJ Electric Axolotl, as he dubbed himself, got to have his Fortnite dance party. The day before, I drove around town with printed himts and left them at local businesses for the next day. His bday is Halloween so that added extra fun to it. We did the book store, the bakery, ice cream shop, BK, and Fedex. My favorite part of the scavenger hunt was the guys at the Fedex office getting so into it. My nephew turned 7 and told them he wants to work at Fedex when he grows up. He’s determined to be the fastest delivery person EVER. Well, they were his final stop on the hunt and the guy that helped me arrange it got him a whole box of gifts with Minecraft figures, a Fortnite birthday card, a mini Fedex truck… there were a ton of little gifts and my nephew’s trembling voice got these guys behind the counter choked up. He was SO EXCITED.

I also taught the manager about sensory swings because as we made conversation, it turns out he has a daughter he suspects is on the spectrum with us. She’s 6. So I shared some sanity-saving tips.

For the party, we made a DJ booth and set up a karaoke microphone, a little dj setup, a light show, and a bubble machine. The kids lost. their. minds. We had a tent set up in the living room for when they needed to reset.

My favorite part of that has to be when I brought out the piñata. It was raining so a totally indoor party, so we just put it on the dining room floor and let the kids take turns smacking it with the stick. Then we just incited gang violence and just let them go Office Space on it. Hearing my nephew’s little chirpy voice saying, “NO MERCY!” was just… *chef’s kiss*

Ellie caught a stomach virus this week, so we offered to keep the boys overnight for her. That was on Tuesday lol and they are asleep in my living room right now. I have to say, pulling up in the school pickup line and seeing two kids just fucking BEAMING when they realize it’s you? Priceless. She’s finally stopped throwing up today, so she’s taking tonight to be in a coma. She said it’s meant the world to her that she could just sleep, wake up and glance at her phone to see the last report I sent her on the kids, and then being able to pass out again. I reminded her that before Doony, I was a single mom too. And I only had one child. So we were happy to help.

We have really enjoyed them being here, too. They love to be in the kitchen with me, or doing art with Doony. My oldest nephew cracked me up because he got in the car from school and showed me a drawing he was so proud of. He asked me if I could make copies he could give as presents. He wanted to draw characters from Little Nightmares. But he told me his teacher told him he had to draw ornaments instead.

So he said, “Bet.” And drew the characters as ornaments. Round and with the little caps on them. I went and bought a frame for it and put it on the living room wall with his permission.

He found the loophole!

He was telling me something the other day, and said he listens to his cousin because he’s older so he knows more. But that his mom is older, so she knows better. But that grandma is oldest and so she knows more than Mom.

Y’all… their grandma is… uh… I have no nice words, lmao. Anyway, later on he was explaining a level of a video game to Doony. I asked them to pause, and I asked my nephew, “Who is older? You, or Aunt Doony?” And then I asked him who knows more about that game, him or Aunt Doony. Then explained that he’s spent more time learning about this subject, so he knows more even though he’s younger. I also pointed out that a lot of older people decide to stop learning, so they might insist you are wrong just because they never learned a new way to do things. Or they might insist on dumbass shit like “strawberries are girls” or “gay people aren’t really married.” (Both courtesy of grandma.)

One gift my parents gave me, whether they meant to or not, was letting me know that adults didn’t always know what they were talking about. And that systems are created by people, and can be changed by them as well. It gave me a lot of audacity, but it has also opened doors people didn’t think existed. I want them to embrace their disabilities in a way that can make life the best experience for them. Figuring out what makes them light up and look forward to the future.

That’s legacy, right there. Life isc really good. There are struggles, of course. But we can handle anything that comes along. Doony and I are a solid team, and we’ve built this little found family to support each other.

I really hope Ellie is better tomorrow. I love having the kids but the little one is getting homesick and is ready for his mom again. The older one told me he thinks his mom will be sick until Christmas so he could just stay with us until then.

We finally settled our accident and used the money to help my other friends get back on their feet. They had to throw out pretty much all of their furniture when they moved because the old place leaked and flooded so bad there was mold everywhere.

We are plugging along, building our business and we will have our LLC by the end of the year. Just threw my son his 19th birthday party. He wanted a Monsters Inc theme so we did that. I used fondant for the first time and didn’t do such a bad job! The kids had a blast. One of my nephews threw his arms up and declared, “This is the BEST day of everybody here’s lives!”

Usually after each party we throw, I swear up and down I will be hosting no more parties! But one of my nephews’ birthday is on Halloween and it’s his 7th. He picked a Fortnite theme, which every kid in our family just LOVES, so I’m already planning an epic weekend event, complete with a back yard campout. We’ve just become the party house, where it’s natural for the family to have their gatherings here. We have the infrastructure for it and MASSIVE back yard. I mean we had this obstacle course and it took up less than 1/4 of the total yard.

I tend to run more accessible, sensory-friendly parties that our kids can actually enjoy, so it’s a lot of fun. I’m renting a gaming trailer with big screens so up to 12 kids can play at a time. Then I’m setting up a dance party area in the back. I’ll make the cake and then we are ordering treats from our new friend. She made all the chocolate-dipped treats for this party and I found out her 3 year old is Autistic and she’s just starting out on this whole journey, figuring out she was undiagnosed. So I’m mentoring her a little along the way.

Holy crap! I hadn't realized it had been so long since my last tumblr post!

My friend's inheritance has been held up for ages and ages because of not only probate, but it turned out she screwed herself over with some common law marriage bullshit because she was playing house and claiming married on their taxes. So... that's taking some time to fix.

So in August, I was all set to work as a Leasing Consultant for an apartment complex. Me and my connections basically staffed the entire property! But it turns out the manager is actually a little bitch, and dicked me around for weeks over the drug test. I told her ahead of time it would show positive for MJ because I take legal, over-the-counter Delta products and I didn't see the point in trying to smuggle urine or whatever. She told me it would be fine, we just kept waiting and waiting as closing and transfer of ownership kept getting bumped out.

My wife and I went to do some networking in the neighborhood, and made SO many good connections and began building a ton of cross-marketing opportunities. Then five minutes later, this happened:

Yep, that was my adorable little Smart Car! I miss it so much. My wife was driving, and that uninsured asshole in the truck ran the red while speeding, and I mean he WAY ran the red. Another car had already crossed the street once the light turned green, and then my wife paused out of paranoia and THEN stepped on the gas. He hit the SHIT out of us, then had the audacity to get out of his stupid ugly truck and ask, "What happened? Did they run the red light?"

Company claimed he was a 1099 so they refused to do anything about it. It was a whole thing. ANYWAY, still having fun side effects from that. I'm finally seeing the only available neuro in town next week.

Oh and then after that wreck, Porsha texts me and tells me her bosses said I couldn't work for them because of the positive drug test. It's okay though, because this morning a friend actually sent me videos of this chick and the crazy dude she hired instead, and they are a whole-ass joke. Like they bungled so many things in rapid succession, on camera. I dodged a MAJOR bullet. Sometimes things work out how they should.

We've been dealing with some pretty serious medical stuff, slowly trying to get all that taken care of. We might FINALLY be on track to get my wife the surgery she needs, and then we will address my neuro symptoms and my aneurysm.

Still plugging along. Considering finally leaving Texas, or at least the area we are in. We've built a little community of a support network here, but the infrastructure we really need just isn't available here.

One major thing is that I’ve been cooking three times a day to make the most out of our grocery budget, so we could still eat well and have enjoyable meals without breaking the bank.

Incidentally, my wife has been feeling much better lately when it comes to her chronic health issues. One major thing has been that she’s been listening to her body much more closely, and taking breaks when needed.

But last night, she said she really noticed a significant change since I’ve been cooking so much. She said that since I’ve been waking her up each morning with breakfast, she’s felt so much better.

We parent in shifts, where I get up in the mornings and take care of things until after she’s been up a bit and finished her breakfast. My kid and I have breakfast first, then I go about making her something and waking her up. If I need one, I take a nap after she’s ready to face the day. We make it a team effort throughout the day, then around 9pm she takes over most of the care giving, and I head to bed early-ish.

That way, we both get the amount of sleep we need, someone is almost always available for our son in case he needs help, and neither of us gets burned out.

Cooking is an expression of creativity and love for me. I genuinely enjoy doing it, and it makes me feel great when my family enjoys what I’ve made for them.

Idk. It just really meant a lot to me and made me feel so great when she said she’s feeling physically stronger and healthier because of my efforts.

I could have done without the surprise financial struggle, but it ended up being a blessing in disguise because it reminded us to really check in and be mindful and intentional about our spending and our health. I’m really trying to get more serious about taking care of my diabetes, and she’s got a degenerative condition now that she’s going to have to be mindful about as well. I also have to keep my stress levels down because of my aneurism, because I don’t want it to get any worse. Brain surgery is NOT on my 2023 bingo card.

One thing that makes me super grateful for my marriage is that life’s curve balls never keep us down. They don’t drive a wedge, they bring us closer together. We always face challenges as a team, and I’m seeing more and more how rare that seems to be!

It’s almost time to wake her up with breakfast! Our son kept her up until almost 6am so I’m letting her recover. It’s time to make coffee and let it chill for her iced latte, and then to put together her yogurt parfait! I got this new chocolate granola and it’s to die for.

This week has been... insane.

Last weekend, I got into a tiff with my best friend, because we had been in the middle of making plans on Friday afternoon, then suddenly she went ghost. So I spun out worrying about her. So when I finally got ahold of her on Sunday (after tagging in other people to check on her too). We talked it through, and she admitted that she’s done the exact same thing in the past with another friend of ours. (That friend didn’t answer the phone one evening, which was unlike her, so my friend panicked and went to her place and pounded on her door until she woke up.) She tends to shut down and isolate when she’s under too much stress, but she promised to just send me a text to let me know so I don’t worry. 

Lots of stressful stuff happened over this week, including a death in her family. She had complicated feelings about it, which we’ve been helping her process. Turns out, this family member left her a significant amount of money. She said the first thing she wants to do is take a vacation together, and the second is to start a non-profit with me.

She and I have talked about doing it for *years* now. She hates the fact that our only center that offers LGBTQ+ services is the local R*pe Crisis Center. I think our city is the perfect incubator for the kind of thing we want to build. She’s got extensive housing experience, and I’ve got a lot of experience in advocacy and navigation assistance programs and coming up with unconventional resources. 

The basic concept is that we want to build a village for our community. You know, the whole, “It takes a village” kind of thing. So many of us are rejected by our families of origin, and making it on your own is tough.There are resources out there, but they’re often inaccessible and it’s hard to know where to start. It’s hard finding your people. My wife and I went years without anyone we could trust to watch our child. We had nobody to help us move. We had nobody to give us a ride when we needed it, or to help bring a meal by when there was an emergency. It took ages for us to find our village. 

We will start small, but my vision is to have a community center with resources, social events, you can come to have someone ride shotgun with you through applying for financial assistance or other social programs, so it isn’t so scary and overwhelming. You can network to help find a job in affirming places, stuff like that. 

I’m going to get to create my own job while doing what I love to do. I’m so excited! And I’m so deeply happy for my friend, because she really deserves this. She’s got a really kind heart. So... I’ll be her guard dog going forward as well. Because I know there are some people in her circle that would take advantage. She’s asked me to go to the meetings with the estate lawyer and her financial advisors. She knows I’ll research things to death, and I’ll help look out for her.