Cray-Cray Customers

Retailer: Sure, we'll just need a résumé from you.

Customer: I don't have a résumé. Can't I just start the interview?

Retailer: Uh, I'm afraid not, sorry. We need something in order to learn a bit about you first.

Customer: I can give you my driver's licence, if you want.

Customer: Hi, are you busy?

Retailer: No, not at this second.

Customer: Could you go outside and tell me the phone number of the bakery across the road from you?

Retailer: Uh, I might be able to do that, sure. [Puts the phone down and briefly goes outside to check.] There doesn't appear to be a number visible on the store, sorry.

Customer: Oh, that's a shame.

Retailer: How did you get our number, may I ask?

Customer: I Googled it.

Retailer: Then maybe you'd have better luck Googling the bakery instead of Googling the store across the road?

Customer: Oh, that's a good idea! I didn't think of that!

Retailer: Uh…

Customer's wife: Excuse him, he just got out of prison.

Retailer: Oh, okay then… [Continues to scan items.]

Retailer: Hello. [Begins to scan items.]

Customer: How much is it all in total?

Retailer: I'm not sure yet, sorry. I haven't finished scanning your items. [Continues to scan.]

Customer: How much do I owe you?

Retailer: No, not yet, sorry. [Again continues to scan.]

Customer: How much?

Customer: [Gives money.]

Retailer: [Hands back change.] Nice glasses you're wearing, by the way.

Customer: Huh?

Retailer: I said 'nice glasses', they look good.

Customer: [Gives an uncomfortable, threatened look, collects his items and walks away.]

Retailer: Uh, I don't think those exist?

Customer: …

Retailer: I'm afraid we don't offer that service, sorry.

Retailer: No, sorry. We're currently out of them.

Customer: Oh, but the other staff member said you had them.

Retailer: Uh… when was this?

Customer: Today. X told me.

Retailer: Yes, we do.

Customer: Do they work?

Retailer: Oh, that's no good.

Customer: Do you like hot weather?

Retailer: No, I'm not a hot person myself.