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Today's Document
Cosimo Galluzzi
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Sweet Seals For You, Always
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"I'm Dorothy Gale from Kansas"
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@crapmykidssay
Mom of the Year 2024
Mom of the Year 2024
Co-Founder, CEO, COO, CFO and President of Smith & Daughters 1998 â Present Duties Responsible for effectively creating and managing multiple budgets -Spending my husbandâs paycheck and any tax refunds -Borrow from Peter to pay Paul -Have never embezzled funds from my volunteer positions at school and church Experienced social media manager on Facebook, Pinterest and YouTube. -For some reason, IâŚ
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On Losing Keys and Minds
On Losing Keys and Minds
The Grandma: You know how we were talking about selling my car in Florida? I think we should do that. But I canât find my car key. The Son-In-Law [SIL]: Did you drive to the airport in Florida before you flew to visit us? The Grandma: No.I took the airport shuttle. But I usually have my key in my purse. The SIL: Does one of your neighbors have an extra key to get into your house in FL? TheâŚ
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On Afternoon Tea
The Grandma: Big C, do you want a cup of tea?
The 18 y.o.: Not particularly
The Grandma: Oh. I was just thinking since you are sick that it might be nice.
The 18 y.o.: Thanks for thinking of me, but Iâm ok.
The Mom: I think Grandma wants you to make her a cup of tea.
[The Grandma nods sheepishly]
The 18 y.o.: Really? Ok then. Ahem. Grandma? Would you like a cup of tea?
The Grandma: As a matter ofâŚ
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On My Trio of Stubborn Daughters
On My Trio of Stubborn Daughters
Shores of Lake Michigan 2013 I knew my firstborn was stubborn. She was 12 days past her due date when the labor contractions began to nudge her towards her birthday. A few years later, her nursery school teachers requested a conference (the first of many unscheduled parent-teacher conferences I would attend). Turns out my spirited 3-year old refused to stay in âCircle Timeâ for the full 20âŚ
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On Polygrip
The Mom: Your polygrip will arrive on Friday. I just got a notification.
The Grandma: The what?
The Mom: Polygrip
The Grandma: Polygrip? Whatâs that? Is it yours Big C?
The 18 y.o.: What? Polygrip? Um NO.
[the 18 yo looked hard at the Mom and mouthed what?!}
The Grandma: What is it?
The Mom: What is what? The polygrip?
The Grandma: Yeah. What is it?
The Mom: Itâs for YOUR dentures. Iâve neverâŚ
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On Powdered Peppers "I just love all the music by the Red Hot Chili Powders." The 10 y.o.
On Rewards
The 14 yo: Mom, hereâs the cash for the video game I want to download. You said youâd pay for $20 since I got a 100% at the checkpoint for Geometry and Iâd pick up the rest.
The Mom: Yup. What do you need from me?
The 14 yo: Your credit card? Â So I can pay for the game. Hereâs the money I owe you.
The Mom [zips open wallet] Iâm so proud of your hard work in school this semester and the goodâŚ
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New Cast Member: My 80 yo Mother
New Cast Member: My 80 yo Mother
In addition to taking care of my trio of smart, witty and gorgeous girls, there is a new character in our suburban cast: my 80 y.o. mother.
âGrandmaâ, as everyone calls her, came out for a week-long visit for Christmas and she suffered a breakdown of sorts. After visiting a dozen different doctors in as many days, the TL;DR is that she has more than a touchof dementia and needs to be in a livingâŚ
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On Watching Superbowl XL
On Watching Superbowl XL
The Grandma: How old is Tom Brady?
The 18 yo: What? How should I know? I donât even like football.
The Grandma: I was looking at your father.
The Dad: Why would I know? Iâm English. Football means something completely different to me.
The Grandma: Doesnât anyone know how old Tom Brady is?
The Mom: 39. Heâs 39 years old. They said he graduated from the University of Michigan in 1999. Assume he wasâŚ
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On Missing Keys and Minds
On Missing Keys and Minds
The Grandma: You know how we were talking about selling my car in Florida? I think we should do that. But I canât find my car key.
The Son-In-Law [SIL]: Did you drive to the airport in Florida before you flew to visit us?
The Grandma: No.I took the airport shuttle. But I usually have my key in my purse.
The SIL: Does one of your neighbors have an extra key to get into your house in FL?
TheâŚ
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On Alexander Hamilton
My 10 yo returned to 5th grade in our local elementary school last week after a year and a half of homeschooling. They were on the American Revolution unit in US History.
Teacher: Today we are going to learn about Thomas Jefferson. Does anyone know who he is?
Class: Â [crickets]
The 10 yo [slowly raises hand]: George Washington made him the Secretary of State. Jefferson wanted the states to haveâŚ
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Menu Plan for the Week 10/31 - 11/6/16
Menu Plan for the Week 10/31 â 11/6/16
Monday 10/31
B/ Scrambled Eggs, Bacon, Toast and OJ
S/ Apples w Honey
D/ Rotisserie Chicken Croissant Sandwiches
Tuesday 11/1
B/ Pancakes with Fresh Strawberries and Bananas, Milk
S/ Cereal with Milk
D/ Spaghetti and Meatballs, Salad, Halloween Candy
Wednesday 11/2
B/ PBJ or Egg McMuffin; OJ
S/ Strawberry Banana Smoothie
D/ Flank Steak, PW Corn Pudding, Haricot Vert
Thursday 11/3
B/ ExtremeâŚ
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On Happy Meal Toys
On Happy Meal Toys
The 10 y.o.: What a cool Pokemon shirt! The Mom: Too bad itâs in the Menâs section. Guys always get the coolest things⌠The 10 y.o.: Like Happy Meal prizes. The girl ones were always a stupid pink plastic pony or the princess no one has ever heard of. When I had short hair, sometimes theyâd give me the boy Happy Meal prize instead and they were amazing! They got cool things like.. grappling hooksâŚ
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On Faith & Reason
The 9 y.o.: So. Exactly how much faith does it take to move a mountain?
The 12 y.o.: As much as the mountain weighs. You know, mass, force, acceleration. Itâs Newtonian physics. For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction.
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Bring Your Puns
Tomorrow Iâm starting a series of eggs drops with middle school kids. I need one million egg-based celebrity puns. You know, Zac Eggphron. Egg Sheeran. Eggy Azalea.
Kanyegg West and Beyoncegg.
Theyâre all going to be cartooned and smashed. I bought 96 eggs.
Selena Gomegg, Nicki MineggâŚ
Shelldon Cooper Amy Yolkeler Tina Fegg Adam Sandler (his head is the egg pun) Sean Conneregg Heggy Styles Taylor Swegg Brunegg Mars Jason Derulegg Pharregg Williams Will Ferregg Childish Scramblino Harry Poacher Hermione Free-ranger Ron Whiskley Heggrid Dixie Chickens Hugh Henfer Fried Flintstone Sunny-side-up and Chegg (too old a reference?) Homer Simpsegg Mr. Burns-eggs Apu Nahasapeemapelategg Chief Eggums Meggie Simpson George Eggington Eggraham Lincoln Ba-reak Hisshell Obama Mi-shell Obama Burned-egg Sanders Flip J. Fry Chris Pregg Eggs-benedict Cumberbatch Chris Heggsworth Scarlegg Johansson Hawkegg Iron-skillet Man Guardians of the Galeggxy Ryan Reggnolds Hugh Jeggman Drake Kendrick Lay-more Bruce Willegg Keanegg Reeves The Weekgg Jimmy Fallegg Grill Patrick Harris
Eggraham Lincoln has me dying. And Guardians of the Galaxegg is a whole crew of egg puns! âI Egg Groot!â These are fantastic!
Panegg! at the Disco Jaregg Leto (or Jared Leggo) Mary Shell-y Alexander Hamandeggs
Taron âEggsyâ Egerton Eggory Peck Russell Chicken Nicole Chickman Jodie Frooster Gary Chicken-Cooper Samuel L. Cluckson Morgan Free-range-man Chickolas Cage Sunny-side-up and Cher Arnold SchwarzenEGGer Egg Harris Gwyneth Poultry Fifth Harmeggy Mr. E Bradley Coop-er
Kevin Bacon-and-eggs Helen Easter-egg Hunt Catherine-Zegga Jones Betty Egg-White Megg Ryan Anna Kendregg Egga Fitzgerald William Eggspeare Eggar Allen Poe William Flockner Eggith Wharton Ralph Waldo Eggerson Emily Chickenson ⌠I may have a problem.
I love you people.
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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Depression and self hatred are things that make you feel like you donât have control of your life. But the smallest things you do for yourself could make all the different to make your day a little more bearable.
Donât be afraid to reach out to others. Itâs okay to admit when youâre not your best. Remember that the battle with yourself isnât a battle at all. Itâs the struggle for accepting yourself for you. And let me tell youâŚyou are wonderful, unique, and wholly yourself. Lastly, if youâre having a day where you cannot seem to manageâŚJust try and do the everyday things. Make your bed, drink water, eat breakfast. You are too wonderful to be feeling this way, and I hope that you will learn to love and accept yourself. -Lapis
Best advice I ever got was to give myself micro-goals to get through some of the darkest times just after my father passed when I was 19. And I began to journal every day, even if the entry said, âNope. Not today. Reset to 10-minutes tomorrowâ One day it was an entire page colored in black sharpie.
Some days my micro-goal was to go an hour at a time. Other days it might have been 5-minute intervals. Those days I knew to call one of my friends who would make sure someone was with me. Having at least 3 people I knew I could rely on to help made it...better. Not easier. Just more determined to find a flicker of hope to get me through the day, continue journaling and keeping my commitment to do talk therapy (private), twice weekly, for 6 months.
When I managed hour by hour for 2 weeks (14 consecutive days), I let myself âsplurgeâ on a new lipstick from MAC. I slid a bit, reset the goals and finally got through another 2-weeks (about 2 months later).Â
I began to forgive myself and others. My journaling topics moved towards hope, gratitude, friendship and love.Â
And now that I am a mom of 3, I realize everyday that the these truly amazing teens would never have been born if I hadnât decided to take the harder path of living and loving back when I was a teen.Â
Peace x
On Teenaging
The 13 y.o: Ok, Iâm leaving now for D&D. Be back in 6 hours.
The Mom: Text me if you need anything, k?
The 13 y.o: K
The Mom: Do you have your phone?
The 13 y.o.: Yeah.
The Mom: Is it turned on?
>PAUSE<
The 13 y.o: Yeah.
The Mom: Do you have money for dinner?
The 13 y.o.: Yeah.
The Mom: Will you actually go and buy dinner?
The 13 y.o: Probably not. See ya.
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