And then came you...

ARF ARF ❕❕

@ rock im park ‘25

CW // weapon

Disclaimer: I have been gone for a solid year and I’m sorry, life has been happening a lot. I don’t know how regularly I can post but I will attempt my best :) Thank you all for your patience.

Theories on how the albums might or might not be connected could be endless but for now I don’t want to focus on the whole albums, I want to look at three songs in particular, track 7 on each album.

The songs we will be looking at today are Give - Alkaline - Are You Really Okay?.

Now what do these songs have in common? All of them discuss an aspect of love. I personally like to believe that those songs show us a relationship slowly developing over time. Let me explain. In Give, we see a very spiritual and passionate approach to love. It’s like the speaker wishes to become one with their love interest, they want to protect them from all evil and exist with them in a space where nothing could harm them or their love. 

“Give me all that you can give, all your darkest impulses”, someone is very sure that nothing could break this relationship, not even their deepest darkest secrets. This seems very classic for a new relationship, for the first few weeks or months your love feels immortal and even your partner’s flaws and problems cannot destroy their perfect image.

Now in Alkaline it gets…horny (no academic way to say this really). The fact that this song discusses a physical connection rather than the spiritual “love of my life” thing we have seen in Give suggests that this relationship has settled by now, they have arrived in their everyday life.

“Not quite either day or night, she’s perfectly misaligned.” 

Our speaker is still very much in love with their love interest but we have managed to acknowledge that there are flaws. 

“I see in a different light, the object of my desire.” Thank you Vessel, could not have said it better myself.

With Are You Really Okay it gets a lot darker. Now it is no longer a few little flaws and imperfection, this relationship is in a crisis.

“I could see it in you even then. And don’t you know I was trying to hold back the darkness.”

The speaker still tries to see the perfect human being they once fell in love with but it is getting harder, whatever struggle they are going through is overshadowing the positive moments.

“I cannot fix your wounds this time.” Good time to circle back to Give when he said “I will be watching for your enemies to let them know that they contend with me.” The speaker has tried it all to help their partner and protect them from their problems but they have failed. All they can do now is begging them to not inflict harm upon themselves again.

It really plays into the “I’m showing the world the worst parts of myself, baring my teeth and snapping at everything that I hate and love and cherish and despise.” It’s grotesque to look at, to see the way the paint cracks around the lines of his mouth and his skin dotting through. It’s very honest, true to the gospel one might say.

Very lovely, very good I enjoy it thoroughly. Can you believe someone who has put so much thought into something so personal would then get on stage in his all black ancient looking garb and throw on a regular brown belt with it? Take that shit OFF ‼️

mormons 18-24 after they go through their endowment ceremony and receive their new name and secret clothing and learn the secret handshakes and passwords and realize everyone around them has been secretly doing this the whole time and now theyre going to be sent away from their family for 2 years where they will literally not be allowed to be alone for 1 second of the day except to go to the bathroom and they have no idea how to get out of what they just got into

then if youre a boy and u turn 18 they’re like wow amazing!!! you get to go on a mission and be like all the great men around you!! and now you get to go through the temple! so #blessed!

and then you go through the temple and all the above mentioned SECRET CULTY SHIT happens (EXPLANATION HERE http://mormoncurtain.infymus.com/topic_templeceremonies.html) and youre shipped off to a strange place where everything you eat, wear, go, listen to and do is controlled, and you’re not allowed to talk to your family or friends (except through a once-a-week email) and you literally are being watched by your companion at all. times. 

Leaving is such an isolating experience. No one inside wants anything to do with you anymore and no one outside understands the scale of messed up that Mormonism is. Like it’s easy to point and laugh at the ridiculousness, but it’s literally a cult. There’s so much trauma involved and there’s trauma in leaving.

People on the outside don’t understand how hard it is to leave. I grew up where all my friends were catholic and are no longer religious and they’re like “well everyone hates church, you just stop going” but Mormonism isn’t like that at all. For starters I had to get a lawyer involved to leave and then the ostracization from the entire community that nurtured me growing up was just the cherry on top. It’s effectively being shunned. Everyone you were forced to call sister and brother growing up no longer wants anything to do with you. And you deserve it, because you shouldn’t have fallen for the anti-Mormon lies.

If you know you’re ready to leave, use quitmormon.com. It’s run by the guy from reddit who is now famous in exmormon circles for offering absolutely free legal services to anybody who needs help leaving. You can give your church id number if you know it, but it’s not required (I never memorized mine, and I sure wasn’t going to ask for it). He takes care of everything. This keeps TSCC (the so-called church) from getting all your latest info and keeps them from hassling you or harassing you. They have to talk to your lawyer instead. Pre 2015, it felt almost impossible to try to leave, but it’s a lot easier now! The years of picketing General Conference to force an excommunication trial are over!

Find a support system. Lean on your friends that have never been mormon, any family members who left, anyone you know who left. I’m an exmormon happy to answer any questions, and I’m sure there are plenty others in the notes who would be super willing to be supportive too. Exmormon groups are many and varied now, and it’s best to find the one that vibes for you. There’s a subreddit that’s popular, but I personally used - and I know this sounds weird, since I don’t have kids - a forum called Mormonism & More on the site babycenter.com. It was started several years ago by some mormons who had questions they weren’t allowed to ask on the normal mormon board (because that board required uplifting, mormon-approved answers at all times). It’s since shifted to ex-mormons or people who want to leave but can’t right now because of family situations. Even though the threads were years old, I spent weeks on that forum, reading about what other people had gone through and how they got through it, and to me, that was super helpful.

Research the culty stuff at your own peril. I liked learning about that stuff for a really long time, because I felt learning about all those secrets (I especially liked learning about the truth of the Book of Abraham) … it helped me feel valid in my choice. It helped me keep in mind that this was something that I had escaped, something that had wanted to hurt me. Missing your abuser doesn’t mean you should go back, it means you should keep moving forward. Missing your cult has the same solution. Lots of people fell for the “we’re totally not a cult!” line by TSCC. Some of them will not offer sympathy. If you want to watch the hidden camera videos of endowments and other temple stuff, I would super super recommend you have a trusted friend watch them with you. And bring comfort food. You’ll probably need it.

TSCC put out a series of essays on controversial (read: faith-killing, eye-opening, omg how could I have ever supported the people who did this) issues in mormon history. They are the Orthodox LDS pre-approved responses to a lot of the more incriminating accusations that have been leveled at TSCC over the years. They should be hosted on TSCC website somewhere, and would have been posted around or after 2015. They may reaffirm your faith now that you know TSCC’s defense, but they may push you right out the door. (Or break the shelf? Do Mormons still use the shelf analogy, or is that retired now?)

Lots of mormons become atheists after leaving. Many join mainstream xian churches. Some become witches, some study every religion they can get their hands on, some try to go back and realize all the magic (or holy spirit, if you prefer) is gone. Don’t think you have to know right away. Some people throw away or burn all their mormon stuff, some people keep it to show their kids, but again, you don’t have to make that decision right away. Some people call TSCC a cult after they leave, myself included, but you don’t have to if it makes you uncomfortable or it it doesn’t feel true to your experience.

Look up religious trauma syndrome. It’s real. The pain you will probably feel is real, the grief you will probably feel is real, and in many ways, you may have to mourn the death of what you were always told Life Will Be For You.

And learn that the world is not half as evil as TSCC told you. Your coworkers who drink a beer at the end of the day are not evil or abusive. Your friends who wear sleeveless shirts are not evil or promiscuous. You’re allowed to wear short shorts! You’re allowed to drink coffee! You’re allowed to ask questions in a faith community without being silenced or condemned! You’re allowed to not want kids! There’s a lot of unlearning here.

I had a high school friend turned college roommate who left, moved 4 hrs away, and I had to lie to people who showed up repeatedly that he wasn’t home. That’s just the smallest outside perspective of this. They kept coming.

If you don’t go through the “Endowments” which requires you to provide 10% of your income to the church in order to be “worthy” to have a “Temple Recommend” then not only will you not be able to participate in Temple activities, but you WILL NOT BE ALLOWED TO ATTEND THE WEDDING OF YOUR MORMON RELATIVES. 

I sat outside on a bench for upwards of an hour and a half by myself when my cousin was married. There is a waiting room for “less worthy” members, but you see, my dress didn’t have SLEEVES. So I waited outside, lest I seduce a man by accident inside those hallowed waiting room doors.

They see this VIP mentality as as a selling point. 

Your family is inside. Don’t YOU wish you were with them? You should follow the rules so you can attend the next wedding. Wouldn’t that be nice? We were all so SAD you weren’t there with us. But they can’t tell you what happened in there. Because you’re not worthy.

To those leaving….

If watching or reading Mormon materials (after having a post-mormon faith crisis) is too triggering at first (Church Voice and all), may I recommend what helped me process? I absorbed documentaries and YouTube channels and podcasts about other high-control religions that (surprise surprise) use all the same deeply manipulative tricks as Mormonism in sliiiiiightly different ways.  The game-changers to help me truly process the level of manipulation/realize how standardized the high-control religious machine is from religion to religion (aka we’re not the “One True Church/A Peculiar People/The Restored Gospel) are these:

Lloyd Evans (ex JW)

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCz1w0ll081JJiYcjb298pOw

Leah Remini’s Scientology and the Aftermath

and any book by Steven Hassan (ex-Moonie)

Anyone who wants to see what women wear in the Temple? This absolute goddess (inside joke for those in the know) is on TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@kileanh/video/6949742280475561222?lang=en&is_copy_url=1&is_from_webapp=v1

A Multi-Step Guide Written by a Visually Impaired Writer and Blogger

I’m hoping this blog will over time develop its own following, and when it does people will inevitably see my bio and notice what I included: I’m visually impaired.

Yes, a visually impaired writer, and I’ve written with two blind characters before so I have some practice in the field.

So, inevitably, someone is going to ask how to write a blind character.

Or, at least, I hope you’ll ask someone who’s actually blind or visually impaired about writing a blind character before you get too involved with your new WIP.

All parts will be tagged #blindcharacter in my blog, and I will add links to every post as I finish each part. Follow my blog for more writing advice.

Note, this post updates fairly often and old versions are still floating around out there. The most current version of this post is pinned to my blog with any new guides or links you might of missed.

As of 24 January 2021, this is the most extensive and screen reader friendly version of this post.

Part One: Crafting the Blind Character

In which I tell you how to begin making a blind character who is more than a cardboard cutout

Part Two: Narrative Choice, Visual Description, Verbal Description, Social Interaction

In which I give you a basic rundown on how to write from the perspective of a character who can’t see and still make the narration descriptive

Part Three: Tropes and Clichés to Avoid

Your blind readers will thank you for not being the 5000th person to do this and manage to actually finish your story. (Do you have any idea how many stories I’ve noped out of within two chapters because of these clichés? A Lot.)

-New- Part Four: Canes, Guide Dogs, and O&M

Everything I can tell you about 1) how to learn how to use a cane 2) how a cane works 3) how to describe what your character experiences with their cane 4) everything I know on guide dogs

Part Five: Small Aspects of being Blind You Never Thought Of

5 January 2021 Edit: This link has been fixed to correspond with the correct post

Or, really, very normal everyday things for blind people, the inclusion of which will make your characters more real and authentic. It’s the tiny details.

Part Six: Should You Cure Your Character’s Blindness? (Short Answer: No)

There’s no way to write a cure for your blind character that doesn’t make blind readers hate you. Sorry. We came here to finally experience a relatable character who experiences the world like us, but none of us are getting cured so seeing this character we learned to love become something alien from us in the end feels like a slap in the face

Why I’m Blind and What I See -NEW-

I thought I’d finally make a post explaining the complicated situation about my vision. Includes an explanation of visual snow and exotropia, two of the three causes for my vision issues.

Writing Blind Characters Falling in Love, an Advice Post:

Someone asked what being blind and falling in love have to do with each other. Honestly, blindness changes your perspective on everything and it makes an impact on every relationship you have. This includes some things that you definitely do not want your character’s love interest to be/do.

Writing Blind Jokes (Should You Do It?)

You know those flow charts of “should you do x?” going around? It’s like that, but screen reader friendly. Should you write blind jokes. It’s pretty complicated and there are a lot of possible scenarios and details to consider.

Advice for Writing Toph Beifong -NEW-

In this I discuss what I would like to see done in fanfiction with Toph’s character after ten years of reading Avatar the Last Airbender fanfiction

A small essay addressing the frequently asked question on giving your blind character a superpower to help them “see.”

It’s became a popular question, so to make the answer easier/faster for everyone to access, I wrote what will usually be my initial answer. Below there are a few links to some notable past questions on this subject.

Mourning My Vision, it’s More than Depression. 

A small personal essay addressing the nuances of the mourning period you experience with a new disability. The mourning period is mentioned in other guides, but this is more detailed.

Dealing with Heightened Senses, a video by Molly Burke with additional commentary by me

While Molly talks about the myths and truths about heightened senses, I talk about the correlation with blindness and neuro-divergency and how co-morbid disorders/disabilities might affect sensory processing.

Satirical Commentary on the phrase “that blank look in their eyes” used too often in fiction to identify a blind character

a:tla, I’m looking at you (and my eyes aren’t blank)

I Found a Lost Piece of Blindness History

My grandmother told me about her blind aunt and how she sent letters. It led me to speculate about all the O&M things people develop on their own but never get a chance to pass onto other blind people. Technology and techniques are lost in history and reinvented, including the white cane ad guide dogs.

Includes a little history on the introduction of guide dogs into the 20th century

The Following are Answered Anon Questions

Making Your Blog More Accessible

Making Links Accessible to Screen Readers

Reblogging to Add an Image Description to Someone Else’s Image

Why I Write Image Descriptions

Writing Blind Characters

Advice for a Character Who was Born Blind

Over-Protective Parents of a Blind Character, Why They’re Over-Protective and How to Avoid Crossing a Line

A Blind Character in Victorian Era Historical Fiction

Is It Bad Not to Have Guide Dogs in a Fantasy/Historical Setting Without Guide Dogs (short answer: it’s not bad)

Someone Asked About My Thoughts on a Medusa-like Character Blinding Herself to Avoid Hurting Anyone

-New- Characters Who Have Recently Gone Blind and Avoiding Inspiration Porn

Talking about Popular Blind Characters In Media

Does Daredevil’s Echolocation Negate His Blindness

Someone Else was Asked How to Write Daredevil Fanfiction

Blind Characters with Superpowers/Fighting Styles

World Setting where the General Population has a Superpower

Superpowers that don’t involve sight, Five questions to ask yourself if this superpower is a bad idea or a good one

-New- Your character would not use a cane as a weapon, it’s a bad idea

D&D/Roleplaying Blind Characters

-New- Animal Familiars Acting as Service Animals and Advice for Communicating with Your DM

Chaotic Energy Pedro