dumbass incorporated

after 2 years working outdoors all day i finally got stung by an onion for the first time yesterday and i wasnt even doing anything there wasnt even a nest nearby

a wasp. i was looking at a onion just now sorry

oh fuck *falls back into old habits* *screen fades to black* *level loading* TIP: your belief that you are incapable of changing for the better will become a self fulfilling prophecy if left unchallenged

im pregnant and its nobodys. it aint even mine

“you’ll feel better after a good night’s rest” do i look like someone who has had one of those in the last two decades

when people are like "i didn't come here to make friends" i'm like thats sooooo unrelatable. i am always on the look out for some girl friends. I would be in that hunger games cornucopia like "your ex boyfriend did WHAT."

I love seasonal fruits they're like girl we're back lol

happy pride month

undiagnosing myself. there is nothing wrong with me i am #normal

sweetiepie OFFICIAL meeting

this became infinitely less funny once i realized “snarf’s” is a real place and not a delightfully cut off message

Too pretentious to jerk off Tried to engage in my sexual fantasy but the narrative was to unrealistic and the dialogue was out of characterAnd trite