Oh dear oh dear

Everyone say thank you sanitation workers we owe you our lives sanitation workers

the thing about art is that sometimes you'll be moved to tears by stuff that is not very good

clowngirl getting an orchiectomy and the surgeon just keeps removing ball after ball after ball after ball after

clown nurse standing by solemnly adding each successive ball to the ones she's already juggling

[scoffs] You couldn't PAY me to jack off to Brian Griffin! [remembers the state of the economy] Well, you could, but it would have to be a four figure amount. [remembers to be honest to myself] Three figures. [remembers not to devalue my own labor] Four figures.

i dont give a fuck about freak sex anymore to be honest

sorry for saying this i had a long day. freak sex is everything to me

It deeply saddens me that "pdf file" has become slang for pedo. Don't you dare disrespect my wife the beautiful portable document format ever again

and to the children in the notes saying we need this fucking baby talk to get around censorship online; there's been no credible evidence that any site other that YouTube (which will only demonetize your video, ftr) will actually censor or hide content that include words like rape, pedophile, gun, terrorist, etc. etc. and even if we take as a given they were (which, again, they are not), do not fucking comply in advance, you absolute fucking coward. and ESPECIALLY do not comply by altering your real life fucking vocabulary. don't let the technocrats dictate what words you say holy fucking shit dude!!!!!!!!!!!!

Additional reminder that this kind of self censorship makes it harder for people to block content they do not want to see.

i am so absolutely utterly scared that my insane grandfather in his 80s who runs miles every morning is going to leave me a bird in his will and i am especially scared he is going to leave me a large cockatoo named "captain hook". hook has been trying to make me his child bride since i was like 6 years old and every time i see him again which has only been a couple times with decades in between hook is like "you. it's always been you. ever since you were born i've known we were meant to be" captain hook you are a bird and i am a LESBIAN and i don't WANT an eternal sentinel captain HOOK!!!!!!!

WAS TOLD AT CHRISTMAS DINNER THAT THIS IS INDEED REAL, AND THAT I AM IN THE WILL TO RECIEVE THE BIRD!!!!!!!!!!!! NEVER 👏 STOP 👏 BEINGSCARED 👏

I’m ready to be transformed by the ibuprofen . I’m ready to be born again in its purifying light.