The Lost and The Broken

Growing up I always saw suicide depicted as some thin beautiful girl sitting in a bathtub with a razor and regrets. Or a boy clutching a handful of pills as he wondered what would happen if he took them. Or someone finally taking that step off of that building, people crowding around, screaming. So naturally, I never thought I was suicidal. Except- I didn't look before I crossed the street. And I always took one too many sleeping pills at night. And sometimes I would sit in class and wonder about my death as if it was some simple equation like "world - me = better?" And sometimes when I was driving, I wouldn't take the time to look in my mirror before turning. I was always suicidal. I was just too caught up in the media's lovely depiction of it, that I never noticed the way I loved to put my life in danger.