i got a $2 bill today

a week or so ago i offered a customer butter for her slushee and all of my present coworkers heard and i felt like the subject of the photo from the party where they’re all giving the viewer a weird look and hornstlyyy i deserved that one

i have a scheduled consult to get my wisdom teeth removed so that is happening. at some point

THEY WANT TO STEAL MY TEETH

posting is so embarrassing sometimes like hiiii i had a thought and this is the poorly worded version of it but don’t worry the original in my head was much worse

wish i could squeeze the fuckin wretched organ out of my body

call me the bees the way i [pauses & sits up straighter] i have to go [pacing, hands clasped behind my back] i need to get to the sea [remembers there is a reader still] uhhh [pacing again] i have to. i must. i have to.

you see me standing in a field. it is sunny with sparse clouds. i raise my hand to wave at you gleefully. lightning fucking gets my ass and there is a cloud of smoke where it strikes. when the smoke settles i am lying in the field in the family guy death pose style, visually unharmed otherwise