Hello My Name Is Garbage

God making me

tea drinkers: unlike you filthy disgusting creatures i only drink green chamomile peppermint raspberry lemon tea, which makes all my insides glow 10 times brighter and improve. i can feel my body get healthier by every drink i take of my delicious hot mug of TEA. youre absolutely disgusting and a waste of human potential

coffee drinkers: i am unimaginably powerful. i can see through time. i haven’t slept in four days but who needs sleep when you are on a higher plane of existence. the beans are in my soul, they are in my heart. i AM the beans. soon i will vibrate at the harmonic resonance of the universe and transcend.

...Would you fuck a clone of yourself?

[audio transcript]

It’s happening in the cartoons, too:

True facts: Every time Peter’s uncle Ben dies in the latest origin story May absorbs the life force left over from his remaining years and uses it to rejuvenate herself

hey gang im ordering 14 dollars worth of soda and nothing else from my local dominos

He better not fucking have