Alternative Cats

These alternative cats are the enemy of the people. That's why we won't let them in the gaggle today.

Kathy, this alternative cat, is just tired of those fragile snowflakes with their trigger warnings and safe spaces. Grow up, get some thicker skin, she's done handing out participation trophies.

Look, I'm a smart guy, I can tell when I'm being fooled. Killary was lying to us all, she's on ISIS payroll, you know. But now we finally have a straight talker in the White House. He's not trying to pull the wool over our eyes. Like I said, I'm not an easy guy to fool. Now leave us alone, Yvonne and I are just getting acquainted. We met on Tinder. She's a real woman, 1000%.

These protesters blocking my commute. Why can't they just protest peacefully in some park out of sight? I'm going to miss kick off! We're playing San Francisco and I just gotta see us trounce that Kaeperdick. With his disrespectful kneeling. Why can't he just stand like a patriot and go protest peacefully, when he's not on the clock, in some park out of sight?

I got to where I am through hard work, says this alternative cat. I did it by myself, pulled myself up by the bootstraps, you know. No one helped me.

"The real story is the leaks; why are there so many holes in this cat bed?"

This cat is absolutely real. The watermelon is fake.

The powers of this alternative cat to protect his home are very substantial and will not be questioned.

Cat Bannon is here to help drain the swamp

We aren't making a mess, we're cleaning it up, say these alternative cats

“I was a good student. I understand things,” this alternative cat said. “I comprehend very well, okay? Better than, I think, almost anybody

This alternative cat was a victim of Obamacare death panels. RIP.

This alternative cat is done with the establishment regulating every area of his life. He's not wearing seat belts unless he wants to, from now on.

This alternative cat says "don't tread on me. Tread on the others. The immigrants and women and black people and stuff. But not me"

Obviously this is a cat, but MSM wants you to think she's not. Don’t believe the liberal liars.

This alternative cat doesn't buy her coffee from Starbucks anymore. She doesn't want explosive caffeine! Credit to Maddie Stands on Things

I went online and bought all of Eevannkas fall line because KellyAnne told me to, says this alternative cat, but I'm no sheep, I don't just do what I'm told. Wake up sheeples!