thoughts and feelings

why do you touch me

like you will never let go,

i want to rip my

chest open and leave my heart

whilst traces of me

remain in your home, you still

lashing out, waiting

for retribution, it comes.

i crawl back like a-

bleeding out, waiting

for resolution, stagnate.

i crawl back like a-

reaching out, waiting

for reconciliation.

i have a new bed,

where you have never held me.

and so round 2 begins...

can i leave the ring intact

what is happening?

where is the love that you all

last year was bad

but i had the sting of your fist on my face

and the gentle caress as you held me afterwards

this year is worse

now all i have is the sting of cheap champagne in my throat

and the only caress i have is your voice distant on the phone

you nearly killed me

now i have to live with that

how is this better?

how is anything better?

today i couldn't shower but i washed my face

i sat in the living room instead of my bed

i haven't eaten but i am seeing my friend

i told you i missed you but i'm not begging for your attention anymore

i am not getting better

i do not know if i will ever get better

i do not think i will ever get better

but today is the 16th of october and i am not crying

i am thinking about you and if you know it is the 16th of october

probably not

and that hurts

and that hurts but

i washed my face

i am sitting in the living room

i am seeing my friend