09.15.24 | SEA vs TEX | George Kirby watches from the Mariners dugout after pitching 7 scoreless innings
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09.15.24 | SEA vs TEX | George Kirby watches from the Mariners dugout after pitching 7 scoreless innings

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whenever we try to get our dogs excited for something we've been saying "do you want [activity / treat / etc]" and only now we've realized that they don't actually understand [activity / treat / etc] in isolation. we can say "ice cream" a million times to no response, but "do you want ice cream" works.
however, "do you want" also works.
"want" by itself, also works
we've conditioned our dogs to beg for the root of all suffering - they will not be escaping the cycle of samsara - we goofed - their karma is fucked - absolutely fucked
(emerges 3 hours later covered in blood) i figured out what emotion i was feeling
friend of mine posted this in our discord and now I’m constantly being accused of engaging in barn gossip (they’re right)
Magic terrariums 🔮
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ball 1
penis
ball 2
this had me crying laughing
good morning exclusively to the atlantic’s science editor, or whoever it is that titles their animal biology articles
fellas, they’ve done it again
me, weeping openly: potato
DEFECTOR HAS TAKEN UP THE MANTLE
was reminded of this haunting picture of christian film “star” Kirk Cameron blowing out birthday candles in what appears to be church office purgatory as two despondent women look on in barely disguised contempt. True art
Imagine being the guy that Doordashed four Subway footlongs to the Backrooms and Kirk Cameron opens the door
the thing about cutting your bangs at home is that scissors are natural born performers. not many people know this but the soul of a scissors was imbued b y the god of divas. scissors love to cause drama. they revel in it. this is why you must never record yourself while cutting your bangs. it must be you and the mirror alone. the scissors will believe this is just a dress rehearsal and they will behave because they need to save their shocking ad-lib for opening night. you will cut your bangs, the scissors will wait, and your hair will look perfect.
but if you set up a camera, the scissors know this is the main act. and they will betray you for their moment of shock and awe. trust me about this. i have been working with scissors in my bathroom for years across the world and we have an understanding.

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hey guys im making french toast sticks in the oven. I’m gonna take a quick nap wake me up in 5 minutes so i can flip them over
Randy its been five minutes flip your sticks
snnnnzzzzz
i turned this post into a blinkie
Happy 10th anniversary to Randy’s burnt french toast sticks!
this heatwave fucking sucks how am I going to serve my liege like this
im never leaving this hellsite
i swear if this is the second stupid sword picture post i make that gets to 10k i'll just go kill someone
FUCK OFF!!!!!!!!!!!
i know the way people talk about their pets now is probably how we’ve been doing it for all of history. a cat owner in ancient rome saw their cat lounging on the dining pillows and commented “he thinks himself to be the senator claudius 🤣”
NOT THE CRABS WE EXPECTED BUT STILL SOME CRABS WE DESERVE!!!

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in hindsight sending the number one digit at a time created the funniest half second of either of our lives
Well, aren’t you cool.