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@contralto-hobbit
llustration for The New Yorker, Alex Merto
We had these when I was a kid in the late Stone Age. Sometimes the tape got tangled and you had to rewind them manually using a sharp flint or a tooth from a sabre-toothed tiger. Preferably not still attached to the tiger, but beggars couldn’t be choosers.
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vimes in his natural habitat
Discworld Heritage Post
The Spectral Titans, by Anthony Machuca
Collared peccary (Dicotyles pecari/Pecari tajacu)
“Ain't I Elegant?” by Alan Levine, Public Domain Dedication (CC0)
(x)
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COMMUNITY | 3.04, "Remedial Chaos Theory"
“BACK WHEN TIME DIDN’T MATTER” — AN OIL PAINTING BY RIONA
OIL PAINTING?
blonde people are so scary why cant u have a normal hair color like black or brown or green or green
Jeeves and Wooster as incorrect quotes
Screen caps by @bluebassy
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Children near a magical wood catching bugs and their family are like. Please do not catch pixies and small fae and bring them into our home. They are sentient and they are intelligent
And the kids are like "but they get into our bug traps" and "we didn't catch him he followed us home"
And their parents are like. Please i do not believe that 6 fucking pixies smuggled themselves into our garage on the underside of your bicycle saddle and then set up shop in the old dolls house. These are living beings they're not toys it's not kind to treat them like this
And the kids are like we are NOT treating them like anything you said we're not allowed to trap them and they always get into our traps so we always run away when they see us and then they follow us and get inside our backpacks and stuff
And the parents are like
Stop lying!!!
And then they set up wildlife cams and not only can pixies apparently do all of that and are very desperate to hang out with these human kids (who have fun life-sized toys and are covered in wonderful things like glitter and are a free source of fresh bugs and pop tart crumbs)
But they can also like. Fully just pick locks and shit.
Setting up little cameras and having to come to terms with the fact that not only are these small fae initiating every interaction with the kids but have also taken their cat's side in the war against pigeons and keep riding it into battle
The fae quickly realise the camera is a camera, and just as quickly invent silent movies
Each intertitle card has been crafted from words cut out of other writing, so a piece of paper looking like a ransom demand states "BuT Hoo wil SAVE the Dams3l?" is pulled away to reveal a doll tied to train tracks
Nishiyama Hoen, Insect Procession,
detail, ink and color on silk, 1851
Isabelle Adjani listening to a man with bangs speak, 1977
happy pride month<3
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no animal was harmed during the making of this video. not one. for the few minutes that we were shooting film, the guns of each hunter fell silent. the industrial bolt throwers observed a moment's peace and the jaws of every predator hung softly open. no fish bit any hook and the bait worms held off on drowning only until the cameras stopped. the tails of ruminants ceased to flick just as their attendant flies, in unison, landed on their flanks to catch their tiny breaths. a spider instantly stopped winding silk around a wasp, patiently waiting for the caesura to end. a young veterinarian paused with the syringe in their hand. somewhere, a colicky baby stopped biting its mother's nipple and nursed happily for the very first time. we're sorry. we're sorry it couldn't have been longer. we didn't know this would happen.
Hey so that was a great date, yeah, but I don't think it's going to work out. Nono you didn't do anything wrong, and I have indeed had a crush on you since we started high school, it's just... well, I didn't want to bring it up at the time but we kinda got sucked into a portal fantasy midway through. We saved the kingdom over and over, relying on our knowledge of and trust in each other every time, throwing ourselves into the firing line to protect each other and using each others' conviction as a rock. We got married and lived a happy life together until the portal sucked us back mid-battle and you gave up all your memories of our journey in order to save my life right when we ended up back in the coffee shop. Yeah that was when I got a bit weird and went to the bathroom.
Anyway I thought we could push on and make the date work but I have all of these memories of secrets that this you never chose to share, decisions that this you never made, and intimacies that this you never experienced. And it's kind of screwing with the vibe yeah. Also on the date it was really, blatantly clear that you're sixteen whereas I have memories of ruling a fantasy kingdom for thirty years so like... that's a problem all on its own. Anyway this you just feels more like a daughter to me. A daughter with the woman I gave my heart and soul to over and over and received like in return, only to lose her forever on the journey home. On the plus side I can definitely help you with your math homework now.
#what the fuck#this one was actually really very short why is it still like that what
The shorter it is, the more concentrated the what the fuck can be.
I can help you with your math homework because the fantasy world's magic system was based on calculus and I was a gifted mage, stop nitpicking.
Wanna read it.
You just did!
