I love me some pathetic old men

I have trouble reading between the lines and picking up on implicit information? Actually, I’ve learned the importance of giving and receiving precise, specific instructions in order to avoid time consuming miscommunications.

I’m easily bored with only one task? Actually, I have a curious mind and thrive in places with a wide range of tasks as I prefer dynamic environments where I can contribute to many projects.

I have trouble with white lies that are merely social niceties? Actually, I prioritize a transparent work environment where we can tackle issues head-on.

1. DON'T ask that "what about my resume/interview gives you pause about hiring me" question. Especially do not ask it at the end. Do you really think it's a good idea to end your interview on why they shouldn't hire you? You're not going to get good feedback (because feedback on why you didn't/wouldn't hire someone can be legally actionable so it's not best practice) and even if the interviewer says they're impressed, they're not. If they had pause, you wouldn't be sitting there. Your resume passed, now you have to pass.

2. Similarly, don't start the interview by asking the interviewer to gas you up. "What about my resume made you want to hire me" isn't good. It makes it look like you don't know the skills overlap or how interviews work. This is ok IF you're at a sufficiently high level of career and you're working in a high-confidence field like sales. Otherwise, you're more likely to look egotistical than impressive.

3. STAR. Situation, Task, Action, Resolution. That is how you answer basic situational questions. You can vary a bit, but it's a solid model especially if you're new or nervous. Bonus for STAR-L or STAR-RC model.

4. You need to know how to answer the common questions without hesitation. Look up the most common interview questions. Look at Glassdoor or Fishbowl and get the questions the company asks that are specific to the role.

5. "Why do you want to work here?" You need RESEARCH. That's what they're looking for, to make sure you actually know what they do and aren't just applying to anything open. "But I am applying to anything open" BUT YOU PROBABLY GET 1 INTERVIEW PER 100 APPLICATIONS SO YOU HAVE TIME TO PRETEND YOU'RE SELECTIVE! Basic model: Quick praise of history (if old) or innovation (if new), impressed by recent project, how one core value aligns with your values, important thing about their culture which matters to you.

6. "Tell me about yourself" PROFESSIONALLY. I don't care what you do in your free time, I'm here to take your free time in exchange for money. You need 3-5 super high level sentences about why YOU are awesome. This is where YOU answer the question from 2. Highlight how your experience and education connects directly to the job, show a growth win, and end on what sets you apart from everyone else (usually a soft skill).

7. "What's your biggest weakness" isn't about your weakness. It's about self-awareness and improvement. Don't use one of those cheesy Marty Stu responses like "I'm too dedicated" or some bs. You immediately fail the question. The answer is "genuine weakness you have already addressed + why problem + how you addressed it + why not/less problem anymore." You can have virtually any weakness if you do it right. Focus on the solution, with little time on the actual problem.

8. If you frequently get a common interview question that doesn't actually apply (Mine is "tell me about a conflict with a coworker") LIE. But LIE WELL. Find out a common kind of minor conflict between coworkers in your field. Think about how you in particular would approach it. Think about a likely resolution (note: the resolution probably shouldn't be that you got your way 100%). Create a 1 paragraph narrative linking them all together. Practice. Choose something that isn't HR worthy or you might out your bluff because there would be specific processes for resolution.

9. You need to ask questions. You HAVE TO ask questions. An interview should feel like a conversation. If it doesn't, you're probably not getting the job. Those questions should not involve compensation/benefits/perks until the final round unless invited (caveat: I don't accept in-person interviews without knowing the salary - you can ask the range "to ensure we're in alignment before we proceed" but expect pushback). Good questions are related to the interviewer's experience with work/culture, follow-ups about an item discussed during the interview, and metrics for the role. Don't try to be clever, personal, or theatrical.

10. Write down the name of everyone you interviewed with and at what stage. It's always helpful. Find them on LinkedIn, send a connection request WITH A MESSAGE related to the interview. You don't need to thank them, you can say "I enjoyed speaking with you today about _role_ and _specific thing that person said_ AND/OR I'm excited by the potential to work with you/learn from you on specific area of overlap in duties_."

11. Remember that interviewers are different, companies are different, and industries are different. Some things may be normal in one field and make you look bonkers in another. You need to know your industry and the company you're applying for. Few things are 100%.

So you are ready to look for your first job, but you do not know where to begin. That is okay. We all start from somewhere. 

This guide will help you take small steps to begin your job search. You do not need to be perfect. You just need to be prepared.

1. Know what you are looking for

Before you start applying, take a moment to think. What kind of job do you want? What are your skills? What are you interested in?

You do not need to have a dream job yet. But having a clear idea will help you search better. Start with simple things. Do you like working with people? Do you prefer working on a computer? Are you good with numbers or writing?

Knowing this will help you choose the right job posts to apply for.

2. Create a simple and clean resume

Your resume is the first thing an employer sees. Even if you have no job experience, you still have value. Add your education, skills, any training, or volunteer work. If you worked on a school project or helped in a family business, that counts too. Keep your resume short and easy to read. Use simple words. You can also ask a resume writer to help you create a strong one.

3. Write a basic cover letter

A cover letter is a short note that tells the employer why you are a good fit. You can say what job you are applying for, what you like about the company, and why you think you can do the job. You do not need to write a long story. Just a few simple lines are enough.

4. Search on the right platforms

There are many places to find jobs. Start with job websites like LinkedIn, Indeed, or Glassdoor. You can also check company websites or ask your teachers, friends, or family if they know of any openings. Some jobs are not posted online. That is why talking to people helps. This is called networking.

5. Use the right keywords

When you search for jobs, use simple words like “entry level,” “junior assistant,” “intern,” or “trainee.” These are jobs for people who are just starting out. You can also search for your field of interest, like “marketing intern” or “IT assistant.”

6. Practice for interviews

Once you get a call, you will have an interview. This is your chance to talk about yourself and why you want the job.

Practice answering questions like:

Tell me about yourself

Why do you want to work here

What are your strengths

Do you have any questions for us

You can practice with a friend or in front of a mirror. The more you practice, the more confident you will feel.

7. Be patient and keep trying

You might not get a job right away. And that is okay. Many people apply to many jobs before they get one. Keep going. Keep learning. Improve your resume. Change your cover letter to match the job post. Every step brings you closer.

Your first job hunt is a learning journey. It is okay to make mistakes. The most important thing is to keep moving forward. Start small. Stay confident. And do not be afraid to ask for help.

"Published (number of works on ao3) written works spanning (lowest word count) to (highest word count) to a nonprofit international digital archive dedicated to preserving and maintaining society's reactions, impressions, and culture regarding various forms of fictional media."

You can also simplify it to "Creative Writer - Archive (dates) and then put "Wrote for a nonprofit digital archive as a volunteer."

Plus, if you have a lot of hits or kudos on your works, you can say, "I reached (number of hits) people and (number of kudos) of those people signified to the Archive that my work resonated with them."

Because, technically, we are all volunteering our time and donating our writing to AO3's cause of preserving the fandoms and the culture around them. And people do sometimes just call it "Archive". So nothing I just said was a lie.

Actually, no! And since several people have replied asked for my script for negotiating lower rent, I’m gonna share that below, as well as the philosophy behind it. Full disclosure that I’m not a leasing office person or a realtor or god forbid, a landlord—I’m just someone who has been a renter for 10+ years across different states, and I know for a fact that I have saved myself thousands of dollars by successfully negotiating a lower monthly rent on almost every lease I’ve ever signed. (Also, I’ve only ever rented in the U.S., so this advice may not be as applicable elsewhere.)

THIS!!! Exactly this. I didn’t mention it above because I just couldn’t fit it neatly anywhere, but once while negotiating a lease renewal, I got as far as receiving their counteroffer, which was basically “price firm :(”, but then life happened, so I forgot to respond and accept. The email sat in my inbox for a week. And then, completely unprompted, they magically replied again saying, “actually, nvm, how’s $[number that is lower than our opening offer] sound?”

To them, it looked like I was staring them down cold as ice like

An adult human being should be able to decide what to have for dinner. Yes, some days it's rough and you don't wanna, but the point is, you can do it. And if you can't, you can learn. Hell, make post-it notes with dinner options, stick them on a dart board, and on days when you really can't decide, throw a dart.

You'd really rather put these decisions in the hands of an AI? As in, a company? And you don't see the issues with that? You don't see how easy that makes it for companies to manipulate you, influence your choices and your spending and your entire life?

And if your mental health relies on talking to a robot about your issues "because it listens and cares" - no, it doesn't. It can't listen. It can't care. It's lying to you. It's parroting phrases said by other people in similar contexts. It's an elaborate predictive text machine.

And again, you're just giving all of this information about yourself to a company. A company that wants to make money and likely has no compunctions about selling your data. You're trusting a software run by a company. And you don't think that'll be used to manipulate you? I've got a bridge to sell you.

What you need is actual human connection with other humans. And if you don't know how to connect with other humans then it's time to learn. Start by caring about other people. Take a genuine interest in them. Listen to them. That's how you connect. Not by treating others as entities to dump all your issues on or monologue at about your boring life. Sure, character.ai will put up with that and humour you, but there's literally nothing genuine about it and you will never ever learn to make actual friends.

Relying on genAI for any of this means you'll never learn, in fact you'll get worse, and if genAI ever goes away or you find yourself without access to a computer/phone/internet or the people running chatGPT or character.ai take down the website or put it behind a paywall, you'll be completely adrift. You are handing control of your life over to a piece of software run by a business. Instead of developing skills and independence you're just handing control over to someone else, someone who by the way does not care about you, someone who's only here to make money.

"But some people need--" to stop infantilising themselves, to start taking responsibility and control of their own life, to realise that they have agency and power, to learn that agency and control are not the same as blame and guilt and that someone trying to help them reclaim control is not trying to blame them for their situation.

Men have been making women do all their cooking for literal millennia and even after second wave feminism they do it as much as they can get away with it, and when we tried calling that shit out in recent years y'all used every left-wing buzzword at your disposal to shut us down. Y'all called us ableist on the grounds that some men are disabled, but didn't give a shit about whether disabled women get any support or whether they're just considered defective for not being able to serve men as well as abled women can (given the number of men who leave their wife the moment she gets diagnosed with cancer, I can guess what the answer to that is.) Y'all called us racist on the grounds that some immigrant men grew up in cultures where women did all that for the men, but didn't give a shit about how women in those cultures might feel about that. Not to mention the classic "bioessentialist" (as if it wasn't bioessentialist to look at a baby's genitals and decide whether that baby would be required to cook later in life based on that?!) and "misandrist". But now that a broad group that contains women is outsourcing meal decisions - not even the cooking itself, just "give me recommendations" - to a piece of technology that harms a broad group including men, you're all puffed up steaming out the ears with outrage?!

As for human interaction, men have spent recent years having an almighty pout fest about the fact that women's newfound ability to support ourselves without a husband means that they no longer have a built-in source of emotional support that they get to not reciprocate if they don't feel like it. They're claiming that men are facing a Loneliness Crisis that women aren't, ignoring the fact that women, to a greater extent than men at least, have BEEN seeking support from each other. When we suggest that men should check in with each other instead of just guilt tripping women all the time, we get told that men can't do that because their friends will laugh at them for...wait for it...being too much like women. But when we say "OK but that's worse. You do get how that's worse, right?!" we get called heartless feminazis. But now that a broad group that contains women is outsourcing mental health shit to a piece of technology that harms a broad group including men, that's a bridge too far?!

I often hear a discourse where Celine in K-pop Demon Hunters, Alma in Encanto and Ming in Turning Red are seen as vilains. They’re the ones who restricted the younger generation, hurt them, and are ultimately responsible for their pain, trauma and self-doubt. They’re framed as the real villains of the story. But I’d like to differ.

These are stories of intergenerational trauma. They are women who survived, repressed, and tried to protect their families the only way they knew how: through control, perfectionism, and emotional suppression.

And yet, when the next generation begins to reclaim joy, freedom, softness — they become the obstacle. Not because they’re bad people, but because they’re scarred. Their minds cling to survival strategies, unable to recognize that the environment has changed.

Alma is still stuck fleeing the colonizers.

Ming is still afraid of her true self.

Celine believes that fear and mistakes must be hidden.

It’s not about hating these characters. It’s about how unprocessed trauma twists love into control. How survival, unexamined, turns into rigidity. These women were never given space to process their own pain and they project it onto their daughters and granddaughters.

And here’s something we rarely say enough: intergenerational trauma can create toxic patterns but that doesn’t always mean there was abuse or conscious harm. Even when their love becomes suffocating or controlling, these women are not necessarily “abusive parents.” They are daughters of silence, fear, and sacrifice. And they were never taught another way. It’s important to make that distinction, especially in a world that often pushes a binary, punitive reading of family dynamics.

They’re the product of a generation that was told to endure. But endurance without healing becomes its own kind of violence.

What’s powerful in these stories is that they don’t end in vengeance. They end in confrontation and transformation. The confrontation is necessary: the younger generation refuses the silence. Refuses the shame. Refuses to carry a burden that wasn’t theirs to begin with.

The house is destroyed in Encanto.

Mei accepts her full self.

So does Rumi.

And in the best cases, this confrontation allows the elder to soften too. Alma opens up. Ming listens. And I’m hoping in the sequel, Celine will open too.

Maybe that’s also why these stories speak so deeply to POC audiences. These aren’t stories about cutting ties. They’re stories about how hard it is to transform them, to protect ancestral bonds while refusing to perpetuate inherited pain. In many racialized families, collectivity, loyalty, and intergenerational duty are sacred... even when they come at the cost of personal boundaries.

And sometimes, Western individualist frameworks read these tensions as dysfunction or villainy. But for us, they’re just the difficult truth of growing up and trying to do better.

These women aren’t villains. That would be too easy. They embody the fragile, necessary work of bringing change without breaking the thread. These stories are about refusing to inherit their pain without reflection. Because love, without accountability, is not enough.

These stories show us that each generation has something to learn from the next. And the new generation must also break free from the chains they inherited while preserving what is meaningfull.

But it’s not just their story.

One day, we’ll be the older generation.

And we’ll need to be humble enough to learn from the ones after us.

So don’t be a fool.

We may be Mei, Rumi, or Mirabel today.

But tomorrow, we could be Ming, Celine, or Alma.

And when that time comes, we’ll realize how hard it is to unlearn what once kept us safe.

So let’s have compassion for all these characters.

Because these stories show us not just how the cycle of generations works, but how it can make us better, stronger, and more connected... if we’re all willing to go through the change.

∘₊✧──────✧──────✧₊∘

If you’re curious, I’ve written more on K-pop Demon Hunters:

A post on the mental health themes woven through the songs — right here.

A breakdown of Celine-Rumi in comparaison to Gothel–Rapunzel dynamic — here.

An analysis about Rumi, Jinu, and the danger of sinking together — here.

The fact that alhaitham is part of the big 3 of genshin is hilarious, we got a dragon sovereign, a fatui harbinger and then you have a government employee.

It seems like self-sufficiency and homemaking skills are blowing up right now. With the COVID-19 pandemic and the current economic crisis, a lot of folks, especially young people, are looking to develop skills that will help them be a little bit less dependent on our consumerist economy. And I think that's generally a good thing. I think more of us should know how to cook a meal from scratch, grow our own vegetables, and mend our own clothes. Those are good skills to have.

Unfortunately, these "self-sufficiency" skills are often used as a recruiting tactic by white supremacists, TERFs, and other hate groups. They become a way to reconnect to or relive the "good old days," a romanticized (false) past before modern society and civil rights. And for a lot of people, these skills are inseparably connected to their politics and may even be used as a tool to indoctrinate new people.

In the spirit of building safe communities, here's a complete list of the safe resources I've found for learning homemaking, gardening, and related skills. Safe for me means queer- and trans-friendly, inclusive of different races and cultures, does not contain Christian preaching, and does not contain white supremacist or TERF dog whistles.

Homemaking/Housekeeping/Caring for your home:

Making It by Kelly Coyne and Erik Knutzen [book] (The big crunchy household DIY book; includes every level of self-sufficiency from making your own toothpaste and laundry soap to setting up raised beds to butchering a chicken. Authors are explicitly left-leaning.)

Safe and Sound: A Renter-Friendly Guide to Home Repair by Mercury Stardust [book] (A guide to simple home repair tasks, written with rentals in mind; very compassionate and accessible language.)

How To Keep House While Drowning by KC Davis [book] (The book about cleaning and housework for people who get overwhelmed by cleaning and housework, based on the premise that messiness is not a moral failing; disability and neurodivergence friendly; genuinely changed how I approach cleaning tasks.)

Gardening

Rebel Gardening by Alessandro Vitale [book] (Really great introduction to urban gardening; explicitly discusses renter-friendly garden designs in small spaces; lots of DIY solutions using recycled materials; note that the author lives in England, so check if plants are invasive in your area before putting them in the ground.)

Country/Rural Living:

Woodsqueer by Gretchen Legler [book] (Memoir of a lesbian who lives and works on a rural farm in Maine with her wife; does a good job of showing what it's like to be queer in a rural space; CW for mentions of domestic violence, infidelity/cheating, and internalized homophobia)

"Debunking the Off-Grid Fantasy" by Maggie Mae Fish [video essay] (Deconstructs the off-grid lifestyle and the myth of self-reliance)

Sewing/Mending:

Annika Victoria [YouTube channel] (No longer active, but their videos are still a great resource for anyone learning to sew; check out the beginner project playlist to start. This is where I learned a lot of what I know about sewing.)

Make, Sew, and Mend by Bernadette Banner [book] (A very thorough written introduction to hand-sewing, written by a clothing historian; lots of fun garment history facts; explicitly inclusive of BIPOC, queer, and trans sewists.)

Sustainability/Land Stewardship

Braiding Sweetgrass by Robin Wall Kimmerer [book] (Most of you have probably already read this one or had it recommended to you, but it really is that good; excellent example of how traditional animist beliefs -- in this case, indigenous American beliefs -- can exist in healthy symbiosis with science; more philosophy than how-to, but a great foundational resource.)

Wild Witchcraft by Rebecca Beyer [book] (This one is for my fellow witches; one of my favorite witchcraft books, and an excellent example of a place-based practice deeply rooted in the land.)

Avoiding the "Crunchy to Alt Right Pipeline"

Note: the "crunchy to alt-right pipeline" is a term used to describe how white supremacists and other far right groups use "crunchy" spaces (i.e., spaces dedicated to farming, homemaking, alternative medicine, simple living/slow living, etc.) to recruit and indoctrinate people into their movements. Knowing how this recruitment works can help you recognize it when you do encounter it and avoid being influenced by it.

"The Crunchy-to-Alt-Right Pipeline" by Kathleen Belew [magazine article] (Good, short introduction to this issue and its history.)

Sisters in Hate by Seyward Darby (I feel like I need to give a content warning: this book contains explicit descriptions of racism, white supremacy, and Neo Nazis, and it's a very difficult read, but it really is a great, in-depth breakdown of the role women play in the alt-right; also explicitly addresses the crunchy to alt-right pipeline.)