ce'an's hatred for his courtesy name
crossposting from twt. for context, i was asked: "i would like to know why you think ce'an was given his courtesy name… he mentions that he used to hate it because of what it means and tbh i don't really understand why xfx would give him that name"
i think the more interesting question to ask from an analysis standpoint is why he feels that way about his courtesy name, rather than why he was given that name
i would like to mention tho that the name "lanzhou" includes qi huilian's wish for lanzhou to live free of worries and to overcome the burden he carries. i think it's fair to say that "ce'an", "striving for peace" is also imbued with the wishes of whoever bestowed it to him
maybe it's to wish for cean to achieve peace in war with his capabilities, maybe it's a wish for cean to live a peaceful life...i dont think we have enough context in canon from the person who gave it to him to analyze why they gave him that name
But what's important is that cean took it as a reflection of his time in qudu. chiye, "to ride across the wild", to gallop across the grasslands, to fly along the winds. that's how he lived in libei...he lived with freedom
because he was trapped in qudu, his courtesy name at that time probably felt like a mockery of his situation. strive for peace...it sounds like the opposite of freedom. to be docile, to be obedient. to be unlike who he's supposed to be
unlike "ce'an", "chiye" embodies the HIM that he feels he had lost, the xiao chiye that didn't need to worry about being conquered by desire, but embraced it. because it's human nature to want!! and he was xiao chiye, who was born to run and fly and tame as he so desires
but he did say he hated his courtesy name "back then", which should signify a change yeah....and lanzhou is that change imo. "ce'an" now isn't just a reflection of his cage...it's also where hope lies. hope rises in the midst of struggle yeah....
cean had so much ambition and resentment, but he couldn't put it in the right place because there was no one to hear him out 😭 no one understood exactly how miserable he was, until lanzhou. i like that in this paragraph below, lanzhou was the reflection of the moon that he could touch
the moon was unreachable, but he could make ripples in its reflection. he couldn't fly, but he could tame falcons and reach the sky with their wings. there are so many things that's impossible to do, but would he still be xiao chiye if he let that stop him?
after meeting lanzhou, he is now complete!! he embodies both the limitless ambition of xiao chiye, and also the restraint needed to be xiao cean
I think it's important too to look at the context of why he spoke about hating his courtesy name back then ... because lanzhou was telling him about how he couldn't break free of shen wei's name. as response, cean told him of how he struggled and failed strip libei off himself, because you cant really completely leave such a big part of your identity behind
lanzhou may always be "shen zechuan" whos haunted by his nightmares and continues to have one foot under shen wei's shadow...but from that shadow also came lanzhou. lanzhou, who carries hope for the nightmares to end, who still believes he'll escape the chashi sinkhole
Chapter 181: Ce'an ends with this line
"You may be Shen Wei's son," Xiao Chiye whispered, "but you're mine."
to me, what this line means is that even though they cant get rid of their scars, they will always be there to soothe each other's wounds 😭 they will love each other so much that their hatred of themselves will dissolve until only each other remain OH CEZHOU
And i'm reminded of some of xiao fangxu's last words to him:
"ce'an", "striving for peace"...i think by now he understands that sometimes ambition is not enough to achieve what you want...yes it's important and he shouldn't abandon that. but he had to learn to make way and give up certain things to hone that ambition into action
