Delighting in the Cringe -

crossposting from twt. for context, i was asked: "i would like to know why you think ce'an was given his courtesy name… he mentions that he used to hate it because of what it means and tbh i don't really understand why xfx would give him that name"

i think the more interesting question to ask from an analysis standpoint is why he feels that way about his courtesy name, rather than why he was given that name

i would like to mention tho that the name "lanzhou" includes qi huilian's wish for lanzhou to live free of worries and to overcome the burden he carries. i think it's fair to say that "ce'an", "striving for peace" is also imbued with the wishes of whoever bestowed it to him

maybe it's to wish for cean to achieve peace in war with his capabilities, maybe it's a wish for cean to live a peaceful life...i dont think we have enough context in canon from the person who gave it to him to analyze why they gave him that name

But what's important is that cean took it as a reflection of his time in qudu. chiye, "to ride across the wild", to gallop across the grasslands, to fly along the winds. that's how he lived in libei...he lived with freedom

because he was trapped in qudu, his courtesy name at that time probably felt like a mockery of his situation. strive for peace...it sounds like the opposite of freedom. to be docile, to be obedient. to be unlike who he's supposed to be

unlike "ce'an", "chiye" embodies the HIM that he feels he had lost, the xiao chiye that didn't need to worry about being conquered by desire, but embraced it. because it's human nature to want!! and he was xiao chiye, who was born to run and fly and tame as he so desires

but he did say he hated his courtesy name "back then", which should signify a change yeah....and lanzhou is that change imo. "ce'an" now isn't just a reflection of his cage...it's also where hope lies. hope rises in the midst of struggle yeah....

cean had so much ambition and resentment, but he couldn't put it in the right place because there was no one to hear him out 😭 no one understood exactly how miserable he was, until lanzhou. i like that in this paragraph below, lanzhou was the reflection of the moon that he could touch

the moon was unreachable, but he could make ripples in its reflection. he couldn't fly, but he could tame falcons and reach the sky with their wings. there are so many things that's impossible to do, but would he still be xiao chiye if he let that stop him?

after meeting lanzhou, he is now complete!! he embodies both the limitless ambition of xiao chiye, and also the restraint needed to be xiao cean

I think it's important too to look at the context of why he spoke about hating his courtesy name back then ... because lanzhou was telling him about how he couldn't break free of shen wei's name. as response, cean told him of how he struggled and failed strip libei off himself, because you cant really completely leave such a big part of your identity behind

lanzhou may always be "shen zechuan" whos haunted by his nightmares and continues to have one foot under shen wei's shadow...but from that shadow also came lanzhou. lanzhou, who carries hope for the nightmares to end, who still believes he'll escape the chashi sinkhole

Chapter 181: Ce'an ends with this line

"You may be Shen Wei's son," Xiao Chiye whispered, "but you're mine."

to me, what this line means is that even though they cant get rid of their scars, they will always be there to soothe each other's wounds 😭 they will love each other so much that their hatred of themselves will dissolve until only each other remain OH CEZHOU

And i'm reminded of some of xiao fangxu's last words to him:

Long ass musings about Xiao Chiye's courtesy name below. Spoilers at basically every level, novels 1-8. Be ye warned.

crossposting from twt. for context, i was asked: "i would like to know why you think ce'an was given his courtesy name… he mentions that he used to hate it because of what it means and tbh i don't really understand why xfx would give him that name"

i think the more interesting question to ask from an analysis standpoint is why he feels that way about his courtesy name, rather than why he was given that name

i would like to mention tho that the name "lanzhou" includes qi huilian's wish for lanzhou to live free of worries and to overcome the burden he carries. i think it's fair to say that "ce'an", "striving for peace" is also imbued with the wishes of whoever bestowed it to him

maybe it's to wish for cean to achieve peace in war with his capabilities, maybe it's a wish for cean to live a peaceful life...i dont think we have enough context in canon from the person who gave it to him to analyze why they gave him that name

But what's important is that cean took it as a reflection of his time in qudu. chiye, "to ride across the wild", to gallop across the grasslands, to fly along the winds. that's how he lived in libei...he lived with freedom

because he was trapped in qudu, his courtesy name at that time probably felt like a mockery of his situation. strive for peace...it sounds like the opposite of freedom. to be docile, to be obedient. to be unlike who he's supposed to be

unlike "ce'an", "chiye" embodies the HIM that he feels he had lost, the xiao chiye that didn't need to worry about being conquered by desire, but embraced it. because it's human nature to want!! and he was xiao chiye, who was born to run and fly and tame as he so desires

but he did say he hated his courtesy name "back then", which should signify a change yeah....and lanzhou is that change imo. "ce'an" now isn't just a reflection of his cage...it's also where hope lies. hope rises in the midst of struggle yeah....

cean had so much ambition and resentment, but he couldn't put it in the right place because there was no one to hear him out 😭 no one understood exactly how miserable he was, until lanzhou. i like that in this paragraph below, lanzhou was the reflection of the moon that he could touch

the moon was unreachable, but he could make ripples in its reflection. he couldn't fly, but he could tame falcons and reach the sky with their wings. there are so many things that's impossible to do, but would he still be xiao chiye if he let that stop him?

after meeting lanzhou, he is now complete!! he embodies both the limitless ambition of xiao chiye, and also the restraint needed to be xiao cean

I think it's important too to look at the context of why he spoke about hating his courtesy name back then ... because lanzhou was telling him about how he couldn't break free of shen wei's name. as response, cean told him of how he struggled and failed strip libei off himself, because you cant really completely leave such a big part of your identity behind

lanzhou may always be "shen zechuan" whos haunted by his nightmares and continues to have one foot under shen wei's shadow...but from that shadow also came lanzhou. lanzhou, who carries hope for the nightmares to end, who still believes he'll escape the chashi sinkhole

Chapter 181: Ce'an ends with this line

"You may be Shen Wei's son," Xiao Chiye whispered, "but you're mine."

to me, what this line means is that even though they cant get rid of their scars, they will always be there to soothe each other's wounds 😭 they will love each other so much that their hatred of themselves will dissolve until only each other remain OH CEZHOU

And i'm reminded of some of xiao fangxu's last words to him:

Like Hua Cheng genuinely wants/needs his partners Guoshi, to like him, so he’s playing at being the nice son-in-law, really working hard for that seal of approval that he’s never going to get.

The "On Horseback" wine from Libei backstory is a clear indicator that there is indeed an intention behind that particular sex scene: everything the Xiaos do that is worthy of praise, of being told, is on top of their battlehorse, perpetually as soldiers. Either riding away or towards a fight, such is their fate of being born in Libei, a forever in war Kingdom. Xiao Chiye is proudly from the place he was born in, he represents it in Qudu and his imprisonment works as a metaphor for the oppression Libei endures from all sides of its limits.

Sorrounded by enemies, then, how do the Xiaos behave? Did the father toast with his wife on the horse because he couldn't do it anywhere else? I like to think because it wouldn't make sense anywhere else. It's been told that Libei soldiers cherish their battle animals like they cherish their brothers. Xiao Chiye said it himself; by taming it, he borrows Meng's wings and can fly as well. What are they borrowing from their horse then? I like to think that is always the promise of victory.

So the father toasts victory on his love, and the son years later does so as well. Although his fight isn't directly against the Biansha Tribes, he's still pretty much suffering from the consequences first hand. Every second Xiao Chiye gets to spend with his man is threatened with the idea that it might be the last one, so of course he chooses to take him on his horse (literally, ahem literally takes him). For Xiao Chiye, it means he won Shen Zechuan.

YOU GET IT

let’s go horse riding (qjj ch 125)

You lied to me.

Who lied to you?

Can't stop thinking about the significance of Lanzhou's dreams about the sinkhole and Ji Mu and him always saying he wants to go with his brother/go home and how the last dream he has while being sick after the big Hassen fight changes.

How for the first time we see Xiao Chiye in that dream, him coming to take Lanzhou away, saying he won't let him go and how that transforms the entire landscape of Lanzhou's dream before finally waking him up only to find himself in Xiao Chiye's arms literally bound to him via their hair.