I got tested for my vitamin levels and it turns out that my vitamin D is low. I've been told that low vitamin D can cause tiredness. I was given a prescription for a weekly vitamin D pill to take. They said that they'll put me on it to raise my levels, but that I have a 12 week supply and I should expect results in a few months.
A few months.
Think of that. If someone came to you stating that they have no energy for the day. They never rest well. They have aches and pains. Any activity that has any sort of exertion knocks them on their ass later.
And your first solution is to put them on something that might have a result in a few months before you try something else?
"Here. You have to wait at least 2-3 months before you're allowed to complain to us again."
That shit is heart breaking for someone in need.
And truth be told? I don't even want it to work either. Yeah sure it doesn't make sense of "Oh if you're really suffering then you wouldn't say that!" Shut up. Because I do want peace. I do want energy. I want my life. I want to be able to live my life instead of being dependent on whether or not my brain decided vacuuming was too much for the week.
But I just...I don't want the vitamin D to work. Because if it works then....
If somehow, the vitamin D magically cured me then I would feel vindicated. Why? Because the solution was easy. It was simple. It was fast. It was cheap. It was there.
Because if it works then that means I've wasted six years of my life in idle pain when I didn't have to.
Because if it works then that means that at any moment if there was just a single, caring, aware, adult in my life to see and listen to me, that I could of taken control of my life.
Because if it works then that means that the first solution was right. The solution that came from the unaware-detached parental figures. They were right and I was wrong about another thing.
Because If it works then that means my father who lied, manipulated, and stole from me, the one who went out of his way to go on a cruise and get infected with an unknown virus and then spread it to me. Where I was down for days on end with a 103f temperature - gets to just walk away without consequences. That he made me so so horribly sick. And that is when all of this started, and he gets to just shrug it off because "nothing bad happened." That I can't show it to his face that his actions broke me and he has to live the rest of his pathetic life knowing that he ruined mine and disabled me.
Because If it works then I have no one to blame and all of my years were wasted because of negligence and I won't ever be taken seriously for my own medical concerns because "Oh you thought you had chronic fatigue when really you just didn't have vitamin D! :3"
But if it doesn't work then that means I was right. That there was a deeper problem. That I know of my body. That my pain is real. That there is a culprit. That there was no wasted time because there was nothing to do about it anyways.
