âWe'll make our agreements about when to meet, and I'll leave you in the doorwayâ -Â Haunt (Demo) by BastilleÂ
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âWe'll make our agreements about when to meet, and I'll leave you in the doorwayâ -Â Haunt (Demo) by BastilleÂ

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I canât believe the new season of Buzzfeed Unsolved comes out on the same day as National Lima Bean Respect Day. The boys sure do love an excellent source of protein, iron, magnesium, potassium, and zinc.Â
You: Jemily
Me, an intellect: Unit Chief Wives
Infinity War, if it was written by me:
Opening scene: itâs already the big battle. Thereâs no context, no buildup, just the Avengers and the Guardians fighting off against the Chitauri, the Outriders, and the rest of Thanosâ followers.
Clint Barton is already Ronin. Itâs never explained why, but itâs implied that itâs because Thanos stole all of the universeâs purple to make himself purple, and Clint refuses to be Hawkeye without purple.
The heroes are losing, most of them are surrounded, but they never give up. A few quips are made because itâs a Marvel movie.
Slowly, but surely, the heroes become incapacitated and can no longer fight the battle. [Note: nobody dies because I canât handle that.]
Suddenly when all hopes seems lost, an arrow whizzes by, freeing up Doctor Strange, who in turn, starts to reverse time, so that they can have another chance at fighting the battle.
Another arrow strikes Strange somewhere nonlethal, stopping him from reversing time. At this point, everybody has stopped fighting and is trying to locate the source of the arrows.
A voice calls out, âWhat? You didnât see this coming?â Everybody is confused, whether from lack of context or disbelief. Clint looks happy and shares a glance with Wanda, who is incredulous at this miracle.
The mysterious voice calls out once again, âYâallâdântâve won if it werenât for us.â Theyâve gotten it wrong; it wasnât an Eastern European accent, it was a Midwestern accent.Â
The voice steps into the light. Itâs an archer in similar garbs to Hawkeyeâs old outfit, except everything is red. In fact, the archer looks similar to Clint too, except he has red hair.Â
âBarney?â Clint asks, not believing itâs his brother, who is not dead.Â
At this point, Thanos is used to doing everything for himself, so just as heâs about to kill Loki, another arrow flies by. This time, itâs not shot by Barney.
âHey, Clint.â Another archer, a girl in purple this time, comes up to Barneyâs side. She takes her sunglasses off and places them on top of her head. [Note: they are in space.]
Thanos suddenly falls over, shocked that someone is wearing purple. He wanted all of the universeâs purple for himself, and to see somewhere else wearing it, not to mention doing it fabulously, makes him die.
A silence looms over the battle for a moment. Then, all of Thanosâ allies run away. The Avengers and the Guardians pay them no attention as they are still shell shocked.
Bucky breaks the silence by muttering to Steve, âSee? I told you that you guys wouldnât need me.â He wasnât quiet enough, and now everybody is staring at him.Â
While everybody is looking at Bucky, Clint runs towards his brother, and the two hug. Kate, who had been Snapchatting the while battle, takes a picture of the hug.
The picture is the beginning of the title sequence, which is a series of Polaroids of the Avengers and the Guardians just hanging out and performing their usual shenanigans.Â
The rest of the movie is just domestic hero life. Everybody is happy, nobody dies.Â
Post credit scene: Phil Coulson gets reunited with STRIKE Team Delta. Clint starts recounting the Infinity War with extreme details, and Phil exasperatedly smiles at his antics.Â
It ain't easy being wheezy.
Ryan Bergara, probably

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Bruce Wayne: *having trouble admitting his feelings*
Bruce Wayne: Can I adopt you?
Thereâs only one thing I want in life: a Ryan Ross and Dallon Weekes collaboration. Thatâs it.